BC Bowl: Bird's nest soup?

The gauntlet has been thrown down, with fervor.

The lovely and talented racymind has rekindled the Batshit Crazy Bowl, the battle to determine whether Florida (my home state) or Texas (hers) is truly the Batshit Craziest State in America. Racy offers us a smorgasbord of Lone Star State stupidity, including the story (and I just knew this would come up in the Batshit Crazy Bowl eventually) of the Texas teens who dug up a skull to use as a bong. (Don't shudder -- after all, it could have been worse.)

Well, I have let a lot of Florida craziness go lately, since I figured we long ago had confirmed what I always maintained: Florida is the true Haven of Hilarity, the Bastion of Batshit Craziness, the Asylum of Asshattery. I even considered posting the story about the guy in Lee County who was ticketed for wearing a Speedo on the beach.

But racy wants more. Okay, how about the guy near Fort Lauderdale who nearly electrocuted himself trying to retrieve a bird's nest:

Cameron Fritzson, 20, was taken to Memorial Regional Hospital in Hollywood, then Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami with second- and third-degree burns to his upper extremities, police said. He was listed in critical, but stable condition later Monday night.

Fritzon climbed a 10-foot fence surrounding a Florida Power & Light substation near Sheridan Street and University Drive shortly before 4 p.m, police said.

Authorities say he then tried to scale the electrical tower where his arm brushed against a transformer. He fell 20 feet. Police believe Fritzon may have been trying to collect the parakeet eggs to sell at a pet store.

Oh, it's on again, racy. And you haven't even begun to see Florida crazy ... it rises with the temperature, my dear.

BC Bowl: DUI program director arrested for ... DUI

You know, I hate to pile on to racymind in the Batshit Crazy Bowl (Florida vs. Texas for the title of Batshit Craziest State in America), but there has been a tremendous uptick -- even a surge -- of craziness in Florida, the batshit craziest state in America (yes, racy, even more batshit crazy than Texas). I had my pick of a couple of excellent examples of batshit craziness from America's Wang™ this morning, including the pantsless patron of a Dunkin Donuts in Lake Mary, but I think the one I'm featuring really exemplifies why Florida is a truly insane state.

You would think that someone in charge of a program that serves people on probation for DUI would, you know, not drink and drive. But, after all, this is Florida ...

The executive director of a program that supervises misdemeanor and DUI probationers was suspended without pay Wednesday following a Monday arrest on charges of driving under the influence, leaving the scene of an accident, resisting deputies and disorderly intoxication.

Margot "Peggy" Cioffi [(right)], 59, of Palm City was released from the Martin County jail on $2,000 bond, according to arrest records.

Cioffi has been the guiding force behind the Comprehensive Offender Rehabilitation and Education Program, known as CORE, since it began nearly 30 years ago. She took the lead in expanding it to an organization that handles misdemeanor and DUI probation in St. Lucie, Indian River and Okeechobee counties and DUI probation in Martin County.

Deputies found her in her car in her garage after a motorist reported she rammed the back of his car on Martin Downs Boulevard and left the scene around 5:30 p.m. Monday, records showed.

She resisted deputies when they tried to handcuff her and place her in a patrol car, reports said.

Martin sheriff's deputies reported her breath test showed a blood-alcohol level of 0.34 percent, which is more than four times the 0.08 percent level at which Florida law presumes a driver is impaired.

Now that there is some serious batshit crazy. Texas -- a response?

BC Bowl: two, two, two morons in one!

Okay, so the Batshit Crazy Bowl between Florida and Texas has slowed down considerably, I know. As the electoral silly season accelerates, I guess I've become rather preoccupied with politics, so much so that I sometimes forget my responsibility to continue to establish that Florida indeed is the batshit craziest state in America, the contrary feelings of Texas' own racy mind notwithstanding.

Today I bring you two renowned Floridians who, each in his or her own way, truly represents what it means to be a citizen of America's Wang™.

First, Tina Williams (left) of St. Augustine, who has her priorities just a smidgen mixed up:

The deputy who pulled over Tina Williams Sunday reported smelling a strong odor of alcohol coming from the car. When he asked Williams for a driver's license, she replied, "I never had one," Jacksonville television station WJXT reported.

According to the police report, a 24-pack of beer in the front passenger seat of her car was restrained by a seat belt but a 16-month-old girl was not in a child seat or safety belt. A 19-year-old woman was also in the back seat.

Police said Williams had bloodshot and watery eyes and staggered when she got out of the vehicle. Asked if she'd been drinking, she told the deputy, "I had a few."

[...]

After Williams was taken into custody, two metal pipes were found in her purse.

Williams was charged with DUI, child endangerment, driving without a license, running a red light and failure to use a child restraint.

Now that there's some powerful batshit crazy. Sure, so she remembered to use a seat belt. However, as my old torts professor in law school used to say, "Right church, wrong pew."

Meanwhile, in Brooksville, north of Tampa, 19-year-old Christopher Holder (right) was arrested for "yelling profane words near ... children."

According to the Hernando County Sheriff's Office, Christopher Holder was walking with two other juveniles in front of a woman's house on Gordon Loop Road in Brooksville, loudly repeating profanities.

The woman complained to deputies who were in the area on another call, saying that her children didn't need to hear such language.

The deputies confronted Holder, who said he was singing the lyrics to a rap song, and wasn't doing anything wrong.

He was arrested on disorderly conduct charges and taken to the Hernando County Jail.

TheSmokingGun.com gives us a little more detail: the complaining woman said that Holder was repeatedly saying "motherfucker," but he "explained that he was merely covering a song by Louisiana rapper Lil' Boosie, whose most recent album, 'Bad Azz,' includes cuts like 'My Nigga' and 'Fuck You.' " Oh, well, as long as it was a song ...

I've been saying it here for over eight months now, and America's Wang™ keeps proving my case time and time again: Florida truly is the batshit craziest state in America.

BC Bowl: Paging Sen. Santorum

It's been a very long time since I've even felt the need to demonstrate that Florida really is the batshit craziest state in America. But in the spirit of the new year, let's revive our rivalry with Texas (represented by the lovely and talented racy mind) and bring back the Batshit Crazy Bowl with a ... bang.

Courtesy of the Florida Progressive Coalition Blog, here's some useful information for those visiting or living in Florida:

Bestiality could be banned in Fla. following goat rape

After a goat was raped and killed in the Panhandle town of Mossy Head, animal activists, cops and citizens were almost as shocked to find out that bestiality isn’t a crime in Florida.

But not for long.

A Sunrise state senator and a St. Petersburg representative have filed legislation to make it a first-degree felony to have sex with animals.

"It’s true. It’s sick. There needs to be a law," said Democratic Sen. Nan Rich, a longtime crusader for children and animal rights. "There are 30 states that make this a crime. Florida isn’t one of them."

Florida Gov. Charlie Crist said he would sign the bill into law if it made it to his desk.

Rich said she was as shocked as she was "disgusted" when she learned of the rape and asphyxiation of a family pet goat named Meg who was pregnant with twins last year in the town of Mossy Head in rural Walton County.

A suspect in the case, a 48-year-old man, is serving an 11-month, 29-day jail sentence on animal-theft charges in connection with the attempted abduction of another goat in a separate case, according to Walton County Assistant State Attorney James Parker.

The case has it all: From a rape kit to Milk Bone Dog biscuits to a guy selling charity T-shirts for the "Mossy Head Gentlemen’s Club."

I'm still laughing at what Kenny Quinnell said about this over there at FPCB:

Okay, here are the questions this article raises:

1. “Could” be banned?
2. Seriously, a goat?
3. And why kill the goat? Afraid it was going to report the crime?
4. Bestiality isn’t illegal in Florida?
5. Only one legislator is on board with making it a crime?
6. The goat was pregnant with twins. Was this before or after….?
7. This wasn’t the guy’s first attempt?
8. Milk Bone dog biscuits?
9. Can somebody get me one of those “What Happens in Mossy Head, Stays in Mossy Head” T-shirts[?] I can think of a certain Republican legislator who needs one.

Actually, I thought of three more questions:

In which 20 states is this not illegal?

Has anyone seen Mickey Kaus lately?

How many jokes can you make out of this having occurred in "Mossy Head?"

BC Bowl replacement post: The Mystery of the Stolen Meat

Well, live and learn. I had a tough blog day yesterday.

My post about the Colorado Rockies was met with quite the attack over at Daily Kos, where I cross-posted it. I hardly ever go there anymore, and every time I do, I'm reminded why I bailed out of there in the first place. Plus, in my Batshit Crazy Bowl entry yesterday about the trailer park for sex offenders, I failed to take into account the strength of pro-sex-offender* sentiment among my readers. I just thought it was a funny story. So, consider me chastened.

Therefore, I've withdrawn the trailer park post and in its place, I would like to offer up this bit of Florida weirdness:

Monday, [a tractor-trailer] was stolen from a parking lot used by truckers in Crystal Springs, just north of the Hillsborough County line. The thieves took [a nearby Peterbilt truck] and attached it to a refrigerated trailer full of 40,000 pounds of frozen rib eye and brisket, valued at more than $200,000.

Then they drove away.

[...]

The meat belonged to Cargill, an international food provider, and was being transported by Fairly Green Transport from a plant in Kansas to warehouses in Florida, said Don Armstrong, the transport company owner.

The meat wasn't due until Monday, Armstrong said, and during the weekend the driver he hired parked the trailer at the Crystal Springs lot and left it unattended overnight.

According to deputies, the driver and others at the lot tried to hide the trailer from anyone traveling on the road before they left. But Sunday night or Monday morning, someone came onto the lot, broke into Tyler's truck, attached the meat-filled trailer and took off.

How can you have any pudding when you don't eat your meat?!

Anyway, the truck also happened to have sentimental value, so I'll probably hear from truckers and vegetarians about how inappropriate this post is ... but there's your substitute entry for the Batshit Crazy Bowl.

If anyone sees my missing blogger mojo anywhere, please contact me immediately ...

---

* Just being snarky ... :)

BC Bowl: Maybe they should call it "Pedophilia Manor"

(ed. note -- see replacement post above)

Now, I know it's not fair for me to take two turns on behalf of Florida in the ongoing Batshit Crazy Bowl, thereby skipping racymind's turn for Texas. But, honestly, how can anyone pass this up?

The Palace Mobile Home Park is a place that welcomes sex offenders. Ninety-five of these 200 residents are convicted sex offenders, including some pedophiles.

The adults-only, nondescript, low-income trailer park near St. Petersburg, Florida has gained a reputation among sex offenders on probation as a good place to live and stay out of trouble.

"Out there ... it's a jungle," said Michael, who did not want his last name used for this report. "In here, it's our own little piece of paradise. We're safe here."

[...]

In many ways, the Palace provides him a second chance at life. New laws across the country have limited where sex offenders and predators can live, banning them from places where children might congregate. This trailer park is far enough away from schools, churches, playgrounds and bus stops, allowing Michael to call it home without running afoul of the law.

"As a sex offender -- when you come out, you're told you can't do this; you can't be around children; you can't go to parks; you can't go to the beach; you can't go to the library," he said.

Nearly 600 sex offenders have lived here in the past couple of years, according to manager Nancy Morais, who said she was sexually assaulted by a family member as a little girl.

Not only does she allow the sex offenders to live here, she also offers therapy to help them become part of society again. "Put him on the right track, and we have a better chance of seeing society be a little bit safer with this person," she said. "Can I guarantee they're all gonna be good? Of course not."

That's right, folks: America's Wang™ is home to a trailer park for sex offenders. How nice that there's a place where they feel "safe." </snark>

Feelings among non-offender residents are surprisingly mixed:

But not everyone who lives here feels safe knowing they are surrounded by convicted sex offenders.

One resident, who asked not to be identified, railed against the trailer park's management for not informing them from the outset about this rehabilitation program.

"They told us nothing. My place is worth nothing now," the resident said, speaking in a whisper.

Another woman said she had no problem living among the offenders, but she said it comes with consequences: She won't allow her grandchildren on the premises.

Others don't seem to mind. Teresa Atkins moved into the Palace a year ago. She is not an offender and didn't know, at the time, that almost half of her neighbors were.

"I'm very safe here. None of these men want to go back to jail. They will do anything to keep from going to jail," she said.

I don't know exactly what it takes to be the batshit craziest state in America. I also know it's a subjective measure. But any state that has a trailer park that welcomes sex offenders, well, it's gotta be in the discussion ...

BC Bowl: "If you like oral sex, vote for me"

Okay, I know, racy is doing her best to keep up in the Batshit Crazy Bowl as she tries to prove that Texas is crazier than Florida. Her last effort, about a Texan who killed his roommate after an argument over the decedent's foot odor, is noble indeed, and she even included the medical term bromidrosis, which surely earns her extra points.

However, I'm sorely tempted to declare victory for America's Wang™ after learning this morning of José Caragol (right), the Hialeah city councilman with an unusual campaign slogan.

At a recent meeting of the Miami Herald editorial board, commission seat challenger Mercy Dominguez raised a stink about a saucy couplet Caragol had recited on a La Kalle 98.3 FM morning radio show: "Si le gusta el sexo oral, vote por Caragol para consejal." ("If you like oral sex, vote Caragol for council.") According to Dominguez, it's been a running gag ever since January, when he debuted the joke on Channel 41's Seguro Que Yes.

There is a slight chance the joke might hurt Caragol's little-old-lady numbers. "Last night I heard somebody call in to La Poderosa and say it was offensive," says Dominguez. "A lot of people have become totally outraged. They're asking me to run because of this."

Oh, please, people -- have a sense of humor. Embrace your batshit craziness ... you're from Florida, dammit!

You actually have to give Caragol some credit for creativity and for seeing the wisdom of staying, um, active in one's dotage:

Caragol did not return phone calls seeking comment, so [this columnist, "Riptide"] decided to check in with him — where else? — at a funeral for a local businessman last Friday. The incumbent commissioner stood at the back of the Church of the Immaculate Conception in Hialeah, shaking hands with various guayabera-clad grievers. His heavy frame filled out a distinguished blue blazer; his silver hair was parted neatly to the side.

Outside, in the hot afternoon sun, his face lit up when Riptide broached the matter of sexo oral.

"Around here, election season is like hurricane season," he said, doffing his blazer and wiping sweat from his brow. "It brings all kinds of tropical depressions." Caragol would not respond to questions about his oral sex slogan; he refused to apologize for his personality, which, he said, is prone to joking. "We also came up with Forget the Cholestoral [sic], and Vote for Caragol."

Caragol seemed to suggest it is his refusal to bow down to anyone that keeps him alive. "I will keep on being myself every time and every day," he said with a chop of his hand. "I rest most in full action and full dynamism."

Behind him, a costumed mariachi band gathered before the church and struck up a tune as grim pallbearers carried the casket toward a waiting hearse. "The other option is right behind me."

Sorry, racy, but only in Florida can a politician run on a slogan advocating fellatio* (or cunnilingus*, depending on one's perspective). After all, that's why Florida is the batshit craziest state in America!

As Caragol put it, "I may have said something that may not have been of a very nice taste for the nuns and priests, but President Clinton did it." So, blame the Clenis™!

---

* I can't wait to see what kind of hits I get for including those words in this post.

BC Bowl: "Gladys, I'm going to the strip club ... for a flu shot"

The Batshit Crazy Bowl between Florida and Texas seems to be winding down, as racy mind has been busy and I anticipate I soon may be too busy to keep up myself. But then I keep finding these great nuggets of "only in Florida" activities. Like this one:

Rachel's Gentlemen's Club opened its doors on Tuesday to older residents of Casselberry [near Orlando] to give free flu shots.

The club is known for the scantily clad women who dance there, and it gives out the shots every year as a way of giving back to the community.

The shots were free for anyone over 55, and if you were 65 and older, you got a free shot and a free lunch.

There was no free entertainment.

What? No free entertainment? Not even a coupon for a lap dance? No early bird special? Viagra samples? Nothing?

T-shirt idea: "I Went to Rachel's and All I Got Was A Lousy Flu Shot (And Lunch)"

BC Bowl: Mom attacks bully on school bus

Sadly, it's been a long time -- too long -- since the Batshit Crazy Bowl, pitting Florida against Texas (and me against racy mind) in the Battle of Teh Crazy, has really been active.

Hopefully I can change that with this little nugget that Could Only Happen in Florida™:

Police say on September 21st Karen Barber followed the bus honking her horn until the driver pulled over at 6th St. and 16th Ave. S. in St. Petersburg.

In the video, Barber is seen getting on the bus and approaching a boy. She can be heard yelling at the boy, then she pokes him and slaps him one time.

Barber's daughter also got on the bus, and after her mother slapped the boy, she slapped him twice.

Police charged both of them with misdemeanor battery.

The link has the bus' surveillance video. Really, it's too good to miss ... but why do I keep thinking of the scene from Airplane! when the passengers keep slapping the frantic woman on the plane?

Okay, racy: can Texas hold serve?

BC Bowl: Game, set, match for Florida

I know it's not my turn in the Batshit Crazy Bowl, but this one is just too damn good to pass up.

Besides, in my ongoing crusade to prove that Florida indeed is batshit crazier than Texas, I will leave no stone unturned. Or, should I say, no roach unburned ...?

Two boys burned down their grandparents' home and displaced the family while setting fire to cockroaches inside the house, a [Pompano Beach] city spokeswoman said Sunday.

The boys, ages 8 and 10, were sleeping over at the house in the 800 block of Northwest 17th Terrace Saturday when they began burning the cockroaches, using rubbing alcohol and a lighter, city spokeswoman Sandra King said.

The extermination experiment went awry when the boys' bed caught on fire. Flames engulfed the bedroom and spread throughout the house, which did not have a smoke detector, King said.

The article goes on to say that no one was injured in the blaze, so please don't comment on how insensitive I am. Look, racymind somehow still maintains the delusion that Texas out-crazies Florida, and so I felt the honor of America's Wang™ deserved no less than the best.

There apparently is no truth to the rumor that the boys in question are named Beavis and Butthead.

(Incidentally, the more I look at that picture of Drunky McStagger and his boss as B&B, the more I realize that it makes Drunky look disturbingly like his little brother Jeb! (left) ... doesn't it?)

BC Bowl addendum: I found someone crazier

Looks like I posted too soon on the Batshit Crazy Bowl for today. Because the Cape Coral Crazy doesn't even hold a candle to this one:

An Edgewater [woman], accused by her daughter of trying to perform an exorcism, will not face any charges.

The State Attorney's Office said there is not enough evidence to charge Debra Jean Rogers and her husband with a crime.

Police were called to the Rogers' home in June. They took 18-year-old Danielle Rogers into protective custody when the found her covered with oil and her clothes ripped. She told officers that her parents were trying to get the demons out.

The Rogers deny they were trying to perform an exorcism.

Excuse me? An exorcism? Sounds like the daughter's saying one thing and the parents another. There must be more to this story ... hmmm ...

Ah, yes, here we go:

Investigators said the couple admitted they tried to exorcise the demons out of their daughter by pouring olive oil on her while they held her hands behind her back on June 27. Their attorney said [they] are innocent.

"I don't think any person should have to endure what occurred that night," said Edgewater Police Detective Heather Brady.

Detectives said it all started when the 18-year-old got into a yelling match with her twin sister. Her father told police he was trying to anoint his daughter with olive oil to "cast the demons out of her."

[...]

Detective Brady said police believe this wasn't the first time this happened.

"This is bizarre, but this apparently was a normal occurrence," Brady said.

Ah, yes, the old Larry Craig defense: We admitted it before we didn't admit it.

It's strange enough, but it only gets stranger when you realize that Debra Jean Rogers (right) is a member of Edgewater's city council! (Yeah, I edited that out of the excerpts for effect. So sue me.)

The voters of Edgewater's City Council District 1 voted the (alleged) serial exorcist into office in November of 2005. Now, I can't prove based on what I've found that Ms. Rogers is a Republican ... but it would be irresponsible not to speculate. Anyway, without that proof, I'm reluctant to include her in the Florida GOP Police Blotter just now ... but there's always time.

The next meeting of Edgewater's City Council is Monday, September 10. Hey, if you're in or near southern Volusia County, it might be worth a visit. Be sure to bring your own olive oil.

BC Bowl: Crazies on the loose in Cape Coral

Well, it's been a long time since we've had any action in the Batshit Crazy Bowl, that ongoing competition between Florida and Texas to determine which state is batshit crazier. My dear opponent racymind had been doing a fine job defending Texas, but I think objective viewers would have to say that Florida has a solid halftime lead.

Yeah, that hiatus was halftime. What, you missed the marching bands?

Anyway, since I'm going to see racy next weekend in DeeCee, I figured I'd better pick the gauntlet back up again and, well, throw it down once more. And so I offer you this bit of tid regarding a nutcase Floridian who went on a bit of a rampage:

According to officer Frank Antos, he was flagged down by a woman, later identified as BettyAnn Klein, who said she was at the park with her two grandchildren when she was attacked by a man holding an aluminum gutter.

Klein said the man ran into the park, yelling for “Bella.” When she asked what he was looking for, he said he was searching for his dog.

“Klein told the man that she would help him look for the dog,” Antos reported. “Then Klein turned her back toward [24-year-old suspect Quinten] Critten and began to walk away. Critten then began to hit Klein in the head, four or five times, with the piece of aluminum gutter he had in his hand.”
In an attempt to distract Critten, Klein yelled, “I see Bella.”

Her ploy worked, and Critten laid on the ground, and Klein ran over to her grandchildren, put them in the car and left.

A short time later, a man living on Southeast Eighth Place reported that another man, later identified as Critten, broke into his rear closed-in pool area and was trying to break into the house. When he couldn’t, he tried breaking the hurricane-proof glass of the porch by hurling lawn furniture at it. The homeowner said Critten was so irrational, he failed to realize the sliding glass doors were closed, but not locked. When the homeowner realized what was happening, he came out and told Critten to leave, but Critten allegedly continued to throw the lawn furniture.

The homeowner then called to a neighbor to call police.

When the neighbor ordered Critten to sit down because he was calling police, Critten reportedly told the neighbor he would kill him.

Officer Jeremiah McClurg was the first to arrive on the scene, and he pulled out his weapon to gain control of Critten, officer Melanie Rivera reported.

“Officer McClurg made several verbal commands ordering Critten to the ground,” Rivera stated. “Critten then charged Officer McClurg in an aggressive manner.” Critten’s fists were clenched, and he was still threatening to kill the neighbor, police said. McClurg then stunned Critten with a Taser, but Critten reportedly was able to get up and lunge at McClurg, causing both to fall to the street.

Critten then reportedly punched the officer in the chest several times, and the two wrestled on the ground until more officers arrived to help.

If you're keeping score at home, that's one beaten grandmother, one threatened neighbor, one embattled police officer, and one Tasered suspect. No word on whether a partridge in a pear tree was involved.

I was able to obtain this artist's rendering, a Blast Off! exclusive, of Critten's exploits:

click for larger version

Whatcha got in the Lone Star State, racy?

BC Bowl: Batshit Crazy reaches a whole new level

Sorry I've neglected my responsibility of late in proving once and for all that Florida is the batshit craziest state in America. The lovely and talented racy mind even gave Florida one out of the kindness of her Texan heart (thanks, rm!), but I've been lax.

Anyway, this will get Florida back in the game with a vengeance:

A suburban Gainesville, Fla., couple faces charges after allegedly torturing animals while performing sex acts on each other.

Brenda and Clyde Farrell of Keystone Heights have each been charged with four counts of animal cruelty. Police obtained a video they said shows the abuse. They said a frog, two chameleons and a parakeet were all nailed or taped to a board, then slowly decapitated.

The two tortured the animals as they engaged in sex acts, police said.

Jesus H. Christ with a side of curly fries and a large soft drink. That's appalling, and not just because it's probably just like every weekend at Michael Vick's place. I mean, it's not funny in the least, but you've gotta admit, it's as batshit crazy as it gets.

The funny part, such as it is, is how the police found out about this:

Officers investigated the couple after the wife went to deputies, telling them her husband might be plotting to kill a co-worker.

Oops! Those crazy kids! Ozzie and Harriet they ain't. Hell, they're not even Ozzie and Sharon (right).

Back to you, racy ...

BC Bowl: Captain America lives!

Has it really been over two weeks since my last Batshit Crazy Bowl post? I guess I'm not holding up Florida's end of the bargain very well in proving to racy mind and others that America's Wang™ is much, much more batshit crazy than Texas.

This, however, should make up for my neglect.

Comic book fans (of which I am not one) know that Captain America was "killed" earlier this year. However, don't tell that to one resident of the batshit craziest county in the batshit craziest state:

A Melbourne physician accused of groping a woman while dressed as comic book superhero Captain America has agreed to apologize to his alleged victim and never return to a city bar in a bid to avoid trial, his attorney said.

Raymond Douglas Adamcik, 54, was charged with misdemeanor battery, disorderly conduct, resisting an officer without violence and marijuana possession in connection with the April 21 incident at On Tap Sports Cafe and Lounge in Melbourne.

Police said Adamcik groped the woman and knocked her boyfriend to the floor during a costume party at the bar. Initially, he also was charged with felony destruction of evidence after authorities said he tried to flush a marijuana cigarette down a toilet while being booked for battery, but prosecutors reduced the charge to misdemeanor possession.

The news got worse today for Dr. Adamcik:

Deborah Young, director of physician services for Melbourne Internal Medicine Associates, or MIMA, the group that oversaw Adamcik's practice in their Palm Bay facility since October 1996, said his employment was terminated July 13.

In April, a MIMA official said told FLORIDA TODAY that the doctor had taken a leave of absence while he underwent counseling, paid for by the state medicine board.

The “leave of absence ... expired July 13, at which time we determined that he would be unable to continue his practice with us,” Young said. “We felt that he would benefit from a fresh start elsewhere and we felt that it was important for us to maintain our outstanding reputation in the community.”

Young said MIMA did not discuss with Adamcik his future career plans. Adamcik did not return a message left at his home Wednesday.

Hmmm ... perhaps if Dr. Adamcik had remembered this happened in Brevard County (I just noticed something: "Brevard County" and "batshit crazy" have the same initials. Coincidence? I think not.), and that sullying Captain America would not go over well there, he might have been better off.

I think he should have chosen a different cartoon character. You know, one that more closely represents what Brevard County is all about:

BC Bowl: Stop using fish as a weapon

It's taken me a couple of days even to feel like writing anything funny ... most of my energy has been directed towards resisting the urge to spend money I don't have to get on a plane, fly to Maine, and yell my fool head off at someone -- anyone -- about the criminal act(s) perpetrated by Drunky McStagger.

Gradually, though, I'm getting my groove back. A little. And even though my dear racy mind hasn't posted a Batshit Crazy Bowl Texas Gcomeback for a week, I can't resist this one. As Hecate told me yesterday, it could only happen in Florida.

"It" is a beatdown with ... a herring! catfish:

DESTIN, Fla. -- A fight between two Destin friends ended painfully for one man when he was stabbed with a fish.

Police said one of the men threw a catfish at his 22-year-old friend Monday during the argument.

The fins went in about three-quarters of an inch and stuck in the unidentified man's back.

Lifeguards cut the fish away and the victim was taken to a hospital. His condition was not reported.

Florida definitely specializes in craziness, and this is further incontrovertible proof to the objective viewer that, with the possible exception of legislative craziness (yeah, Texas has some serious batshit crazies in the Lege), Florida is the batshit craziest state in America.

Lifeguards had to cut the fish away. Damn.

Texas? Your response?

BC Bowl bonus: Catching up with ... Katherine Harris

I know it's not my turn yet in the Batshit Crazy Bowl, and this is pretty old news, but still, it's worth reviewing.

I was curious about whatever happened to Krazy Kitty Harris, who apparently has faded into well-deserved and long-overdue obscurity after her humiliating landslide defeat for the U.S. Senate in 2006. Also, I was reminded of Kitty thanks to a questionable diary over at Daily Kos (a/k/a the Great Orange Satan) that alleged that she's running for her old congressional seat. I cannot find confirmation for that rumor and therefore will not link directly to that diary.

But, anyway, I have found the Batshit Craziest Place in America, and it's right here in America's Wang™. Ladies and gentlemen, Blast Off! is pleased to present the profoundly delusional and stupid citizens of Longboat Key, Florida:

Harris [received] the citizen of the year award [on February 6] at the Longboat Key Kiwanis Club dinner, held at the Colony Beach & Tennis Resort.

Members of the Kiwanis board of directors said Harris was an easy choice among eight candidates. From her controversial days as secretary of state to her losing bid for the Senate last year, there is a special toughness in Harris that many key residents recognize and value, said Kelly Kary, the Longboat Key Kiwanis Club's president.

"She's got some moxie, and a lot of people on the key see that," Kary said.

If, like me, you always wondered how someone as laughably ridiculous as Harris could be elected to Congress, well, given her batshit crazy constituency, I kind of understand now. After all ... she's got moxie! That is, enough moxie to canoodle with Rick Renzi (R-Ariz.) on the House floor in full view of C-SPAN cameras, and yes, both are married.

I mean it: these people are a special breed of fucked up. You want more?

Longboat Key residents and officials said that the only good that came out of her loss in the Senate race was that she was able to spend more time on the key and attend events like Tuesday's Kiwanis dinner. They are proud of their "Longboater," who won eight elections over the last dozen years.

"She reinforces what Longboat Key is like: a nice community filled with some very accomplished people," said Town Commissioner Bob Siekmann.

Residents still recall her poise in handling the Florida recount during the 2000 presidential race that was eventually won by George W. Bush. "Her tenacity was just terrific," said Hank Schreimann, a retiree who splits his time between St. Louis and Longboat Key.

Harris downplayed the praise heaped on her. "Everyone goes through difficult times," she said. "Maybe not a recount."

Pardon me while I vomit. "Nice community?" Yeah, so's Stepford.

Oh, yeah ... the original point of this was to find out what Krazy Kitty is doing these days ...

In an interview before accepting the award, Harris said she was about three-quarters through writing her next book, which will be about "lessons learned in the fire," she said. Since losing the Senate race, she said she has enjoyed spending time with family and friends but could eventually do policy work.

A book! Ol' Pontoons is writing a book! Look for it soon at a Christian Science Reading Room near you in the Richard Scaife Memorial Bargain Bin, along with all the garbage spewed by Ann Coulter and Dinesh D'Souza. No word yet on whether it will come with its own crayons for coloring.

I look forward to the day when the only response to Harris' name is: "Pontoons who?"

BC Bowl: I hope Jerry Springer is reading this

Welcome to another round in the ongoing Batshit Crazy Bowl between Florida and Texas, a/k/a Whose Batshit Crazy State Is It, Anyway?

Racymind had a solid shot to the midsection on behalf of Texas with the cheaters at Texas A&M who nevertheless got D's (and then Rovily -- I just coined that word! -- rationalized their cheating).

But let it never be said that Florida can't respond with a cornucopia of craziness, as demonstrated by the Orlando-area women who (allegedly) left their kids alone at a municipal pool for two hours while they were, um, in flagrante delicto in the bathroom ... and while a third woman photographed the, um, proceedings.

It's not the sex itself that's crazy, of course. It's not even the photographer. It's leaving the kids alone to do so that's crazy. I mean, couldn't they have found a better time and place?

So, what makes it batshit crazy? How about the excuse they gave:

Hernandez denied having sex in the bathroom and said she just got breast implants and was showing them off to her girlfriends when someone walked in.

Showing off implants. For two hours. That's. Bat. Shit. Crazy. (But I might be willing to test that theory ... ;) )

BC Bowl: Legged robbery?

In the ongoing battle of Florida vs. Texas known as the Batshit Crazy Bowl for the craziest state in America, racymind threw us a real doozy on behalf of Texas yesterday, with the story of a convicted sex offender honored by the Texas Lege. No doubt, that's some serious batshit crazy right there.

Problem is, she could rely exclusively on the Texas Legislature for batshit craziness and still hold her own for the Lone Star State. Here in America's Wang™, we try to diversify a bit. Our politicians, though crazy, may not be quite as crazy as those in Texas. But we make up for it -- and then some -- with our "average citizens."

Take for example this unusual crime in Orlando:

A robber in a wheelchair attacked a man in Orlando overnight with his prosthetic leg then took off with cash and a bottle of beer, police said.

Antonio Jennings, 21, told Orlando police he was walking behind the Mobil gas station on the 2800 block of West Colonial Drive at about 11:30 p.m. Monday when a couple of men approached him.

Jennings recognized one man as "Walter" and the other as "Woody," who was in a wheelchair. The victim said Woody struck him in the face with his fake leg, robbed him of $30 in cash, an assortment of identification cards and his bottle of beer.

Assault with a deadly prosthetic limb? That's batshit crazy.

Remembering to steal the bottle of beer, too? Crazy like a fox, baby.

But here's the coup de grace:

If caught, Woody could face armed robbery charges for clobbering and robbing Jennings with his prosthetic leg.

"When an object is used as a threat of force in a robbery, it is considered an armed robbery and the [fake] leg is considered a weapon in this case," said Orlando Police spokeswoman Sgt. Barbara Jones.

Yep, armed robbery ... with a leg. Only in Florida.

Back to you, my dear racy ...

Return of the BC Bowl: Florida remains batshit crazy

It's been a couple of weeks since the last installment of the Batshit Crazy Bowl, that tongue-in-cheek competition between Florida (represented by moi) and Texas (represented by racymind) on which state is crazier.

But this one must put Florida squarely in the lead. And it happened virtually in my own back yard:

Deputies arrested a 94-year-old woman who spit on, hit and tried to bite authorities at a Bank of America in suburban Boca Raton today, the sheriff's office said.

The woman was upset over money she believed the bank owed her and became combative when a deputy asked her to leave, the sheriff's office said.

She was handcuffed and taken off the property at 7000 W. Palmetto Park Road shortly after 11:30 a.m., charged with trespassing after a warning.

"He couldn't control her," sheriff's office spokesman Sgt. Pete Palenzuela said of the deputy who responded first. "She was flailing her arms, hitting, biting, spitting" at deputies and paramedics.

Instead of being jailed, the woman was given a notice to appear in court.

She had visited the bank several times a week during the last month, claiming they owed her $16,000, Palenzuela said. But bank employees decided they'd had enough today and called the sheriff's office.

The deputy who first responded thought he could simply escort her out. But she was "anything but pleasant," and when the deputy picked up some of her things to encourage her to walk out with him, she hit him, Palenzuela said.

He thought she might have dementia or other medical issues. At one point, he called paramedics to have her checked out. When he tried to escort her out again, she started spitting at and trying to bite the assembled authorities, Palenzuela said.

The geriatrics represent, yo!

More craziness to come ...

The BC Bowl meets the Darwin Awards

I'm sure racymind has wondered if I've forgotten completely about the BC Bowl (for the uninformed, that's the Batshit Crazy Bowl -- Florida vs. Texas: who's crazier?) ... or maybe she hasn't. At any rate, this ought to put Florida handily into the lead.

You've probably heard of the Darwin Awards, which (according to the website) "honor[s] those who improve the species ... by accidentally removing themselves from it!" Now the BC Bowl intersects with the Darwin Awards, with the story of a Miami thief who saved Florida taxpayers the burden of incarceration:

A suspected burglar in Miami was found dangling from a large ventilation fan after he apparently stepped on the on switch while his body was inside the machine and killed himself, according to police.

Miami investigators said a "known burglar" in the area was found dead in the powerful fan at the Maranatha Used Clothing store Thursday when the store opened up for business.

A witness said an employee of the store noticed feet dangling from the fan and called police.

Officers said they believe he was trying to scramble through the fan when his foot clicked a switch to the on position.

I really can't understand why racymind thinks patriotic salsa is crazier than the unparalleled batshit craziness Florida can dish out ... but she's entitled to her opinion. (I keed, I keed!)