The Dirty Sanchez Amendment?

Well, not exactly -- at least not so explicitly -- but never let it be said that Congress is ceaselessly staid and boring.

Rep. Alcee Hastings (D-Fla.) found a way to liven things up a bit on the House floor yesterday by reciting a list of, um, unusual sexual practices. And, remarkably, the list actually was germane to the subject matter of the legislation under debate at the time.

Hastings urged passage of the bill, [H.R. 1913,] saying it would help end violence based on prejudice and hate, would encourage people to report hate crimes and would ensure that “all of these -philias and fetishes and -isms that were put forward need not live in fear because of who they are."

The bill is H.R. 1913. Click here to read it.

There's a lot of talk online about this bill. Though it passed mostly on party lines, all of South Florida's delegation, Republicans included, voted yes.

The link above (and here) has a video of Rep. Hastings reading the list. However, I think perhaps another video would be more appropriate ... and it might even have helped the congressman understand some of those "-philias and fetishes and -isms:"

Well, it's just a suggestion ...

Whatever your pleasure, Tampa's the place this weekend

This looks interesting.

For the fifth straight year, Fetish Con, a celebration of all things kink-tacular, is expected to draw more than 2,000 randy conventioneers to downtown Tampa for a series of workshops, parties and leather-clad networking. It’s billed as the largest adult fetish gathering on the East Coast.

Among this year’s sexy, sexy highlights:

• Seminars on wax play, mummification, body casting, pillories and straitjackets, cupping (applying large suction cups to the skin), polyamory, Gorean slave dancing and “How to Meet the Dominant Person of Your Dreams.”


• A demonstration called “Household Sadism,” full of tricks on how to save money on BDSM gear now that the economy’s in the toilet. “What we don’t realize is that the best 'affordable’ BDSM gear is sometimes found at home or designed for home use!” the Fetish Con event schedule says. So true.


• Appearances by models RubberDoll, Velvet Slave, Mizz Fluffy, Mr. Anthropic, JezebelTempting, JoJo Suicide, Bloodbunny, Above Average Arthur, Ghettobutt ... honestly, we could go on all day. The names are just fantastic.


• And, for the first time, a fully equipped dungeon space with “full-time dungeon masters as well as ambient music and lighting.” (Because really, it’s the ambient lighting that makes your dungeon pop. That’s what Paige Davis always says.)

Predictably, the Lifestyle Police in the comments are taking people to task for having more fun than they are:

EW WHY? Some people are just sick and can't think of better things to do with there time. NASTY!!!

Posted by: Antoinette


That's just great! Now sick perverts and ho's have some where to go for a day.What's next? "Who wants to be a porn star game show. I'm sure that coming soon !!

Posted by: Get real


Cat....go back to the closet, close the door and dont come back out. Dont bring this filth to my town!

Sick Freak!

Posted by: Jimmy J

Repression is such an ugly thing.

BC Bowl: "If you like oral sex, vote for me"

Okay, I know, racy is doing her best to keep up in the Batshit Crazy Bowl as she tries to prove that Texas is crazier than Florida. Her last effort, about a Texan who killed his roommate after an argument over the decedent's foot odor, is noble indeed, and she even included the medical term bromidrosis, which surely earns her extra points.

However, I'm sorely tempted to declare victory for America's Wang™ after learning this morning of José Caragol (right), the Hialeah city councilman with an unusual campaign slogan.

At a recent meeting of the Miami Herald editorial board, commission seat challenger Mercy Dominguez raised a stink about a saucy couplet Caragol had recited on a La Kalle 98.3 FM morning radio show: "Si le gusta el sexo oral, vote por Caragol para consejal." ("If you like oral sex, vote Caragol for council.") According to Dominguez, it's been a running gag ever since January, when he debuted the joke on Channel 41's Seguro Que Yes.

There is a slight chance the joke might hurt Caragol's little-old-lady numbers. "Last night I heard somebody call in to La Poderosa and say it was offensive," says Dominguez. "A lot of people have become totally outraged. They're asking me to run because of this."

Oh, please, people -- have a sense of humor. Embrace your batshit craziness ... you're from Florida, dammit!

You actually have to give Caragol some credit for creativity and for seeing the wisdom of staying, um, active in one's dotage:

Caragol did not return phone calls seeking comment, so [this columnist, "Riptide"] decided to check in with him — where else? — at a funeral for a local businessman last Friday. The incumbent commissioner stood at the back of the Church of the Immaculate Conception in Hialeah, shaking hands with various guayabera-clad grievers. His heavy frame filled out a distinguished blue blazer; his silver hair was parted neatly to the side.

Outside, in the hot afternoon sun, his face lit up when Riptide broached the matter of sexo oral.

"Around here, election season is like hurricane season," he said, doffing his blazer and wiping sweat from his brow. "It brings all kinds of tropical depressions." Caragol would not respond to questions about his oral sex slogan; he refused to apologize for his personality, which, he said, is prone to joking. "We also came up with Forget the Cholestoral [sic], and Vote for Caragol."

Caragol seemed to suggest it is his refusal to bow down to anyone that keeps him alive. "I will keep on being myself every time and every day," he said with a chop of his hand. "I rest most in full action and full dynamism."

Behind him, a costumed mariachi band gathered before the church and struck up a tune as grim pallbearers carried the casket toward a waiting hearse. "The other option is right behind me."

Sorry, racy, but only in Florida can a politician run on a slogan advocating fellatio* (or cunnilingus*, depending on one's perspective). After all, that's why Florida is the batshit craziest state in America!

As Caragol put it, "I may have said something that may not have been of a very nice taste for the nuns and priests, but President Clinton did it." So, blame the Clenis™!

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* I can't wait to see what kind of hits I get for including those words in this post.

BC Bowl: Batshit Crazy reaches a whole new level

Sorry I've neglected my responsibility of late in proving once and for all that Florida is the batshit craziest state in America. The lovely and talented racy mind even gave Florida one out of the kindness of her Texan heart (thanks, rm!), but I've been lax.

Anyway, this will get Florida back in the game with a vengeance:

A suburban Gainesville, Fla., couple faces charges after allegedly torturing animals while performing sex acts on each other.

Brenda and Clyde Farrell of Keystone Heights have each been charged with four counts of animal cruelty. Police obtained a video they said shows the abuse. They said a frog, two chameleons and a parakeet were all nailed or taped to a board, then slowly decapitated.

The two tortured the animals as they engaged in sex acts, police said.

Jesus H. Christ with a side of curly fries and a large soft drink. That's appalling, and not just because it's probably just like every weekend at Michael Vick's place. I mean, it's not funny in the least, but you've gotta admit, it's as batshit crazy as it gets.

The funny part, such as it is, is how the police found out about this:

Officers investigated the couple after the wife went to deputies, telling them her husband might be plotting to kill a co-worker.

Oops! Those crazy kids! Ozzie and Harriet they ain't. Hell, they're not even Ozzie and Sharon (right).

Back to you, racy ...