I now pronounce you Governor and wife

Yes, today's Charlie's big day. Congratulations to the new Gov. and Mrs. Crist.

Nice that you can get married, Charlie and Carole, but plenty of folks in Florida (and across the country) can't, thanks in large part to your (Charlie's) fervent support of the hate amendment. That's the purpose of today's celebration outside the church in St. Petersburg. Go lend your support if you can.

Gov. Crist? There's someone named Irony on the phone for you

While Charlie Crist and his fiancée, Carole Rome, enjoy their constitutionally protected wedding on December 12, a peaceful protest will be taking place just outside.

"The demonstration will be peaceful and respectful," Impact Florida spokesperson Lorna Bracewell said in an exclusive interview with GaySoFla.com. The singer/songwriter and Tampa Bay native says the wedding provides an opportunity to shine a light on the injustice and unfairness of Amendment 2, which banned same-sex marriage. "Governor Crist, an outspoken proponent of Amendment 2, is getting married. He is exercising the same fundamental right millions of Floridians are now denied because of the passage of Amendment 2," Bracewell said.

In light of the (ahem) rumors about Gov. Crist's own predilections over the years, a respectful protest seems especially apt -- and somewhat ironic, too, since he supports marriage for some but clearly not for all.

Here are the deets on the event:

We will be joining together [Dec. 12 at 7:00 pm] in Pink Tee Shirts and bluejeans to congratulate Governor Crist on his wedding. The wedding is set to take place at the First Methodist Church in Downtown St. Pete.

After the positive Congratulatory observance[, t]here will be a candlelight Vigil close to the Venoy [sic] in Downtown St. Pete to mourn the loss of Gays right to get married.

We ask people from all over Florida to join in at these events and that it is kept [a] peaceful and respectful event.

There you go. Wear pink for Charlie. Seems fitting, somehow. Not that there's anything wrong with that ...

Remember Charlie Crist's wedding? It's still on

Despite rumors that Florida Gov. Charlie Crist's engagement was timed conveniently for Huggy Bear's running-mate announcement, the wedding is going forward as scheduled on December 12.

Invitations to Gov. Charlie Crist's upcoming nuptials are in the mail, and the guest list to the Dec. 12 event has become a source of chatter around the state.

The cream and pale pink invitations to Crist and fiancee Carole Rome's ceremony at First United Methodist Church in St. Petersburg began arriving last week.

State Rep. Darryl Rouson, D-St. Petersburg, said his fellow legislators are wondering who has been invited to the ceremony, which is black-tie optional.

Guests who are planning to attend won't be bringing gifts to the wedding's reception at the Renaissance Vinoy Resort.

A card enclosed in the invitations reads: "No gifts please, due to Florida law."

Let's just say I'm not watching my mailbox with bated breath.

Homeowners' associations suck. Especially this one.

I've heard some stories about homeowners' associations over the years -- indeed, I've been involved with one or two myself -- but this one takes the cake. Courtesy of Pam's House Blend and via our friends at the St. Petersburg Times:

On Friday morning, Joseph Prudente put on a pair of shorts and his "Grandpa Gone Wild" T-shirt. He took off his wedding band and put his heart medication in a plastic Wal-Mart bag. Then his daughter drove him to jail. Grandpa had time to do.

His crime? He had disobeyed a court order that he sod the lawn at his Beacon Woods home.

And get this...NO BAIL! Yes, sorry Grandpa, we can't have you running around willy nilly in the streets while that brown lawn of yours exits[sic]. We have to protect our law abiding citizens, so it's indefinate [sic] jail time for you. Whew! Glad I can finally walk the streets in St. Pete's [sic] again.

Astonishing. Here we are, three weeks from a presidential election that will change the course of history, paying $3 a gallon for gas and watching our economy circle the drain (the record Dow Jones leap today notwithstanding), and a Florida court sends a man to jail -- without bail!! -- for failing to sod his lawn?! I've said it here before, I know, but never with as much sheer fervor and incredulity: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

Here's a 66-year-old man in fucking jail, and all the homeowners' association president can say is, "It's a sad situation, but in the end, I have to say he brought it upon himself." Holy. Fucking. Shit.

Some people in Florida have some really fucked up values. So do some judges.

Today's Daily Schadenfreude: Sarah Palin

As the glow dims from the initial GOP jerking-off over the selection of Sarah Palin and as her approval ratings drop like Bristol's panties (sorry -- couldn't resist), it's fascinating to see that in the long-term, one of the best campaigners for the Democrats will be ... Sarah Palin.

This morning, the St. Petersburg Times revisits a focus group made up of undecided Democrats, Republicans, and independents who, just five weeks ago, were leaning strongly towards Huggy Bear. One thing, though, now has many of them reversing their course and supporting -- some reluctantly -- Barack Obama, and that thing is Sarah Palin.

"The one thing that frightens me more than anything else are the ideologues. We've seen too many," said 80-year-old Air Force veteran Donn Spegal, a lifelong Republican from St. Petersburg, who sees McCain's new running mate as the kind of "wedge issue" social conservative that has made him disenchanted with his party.

"I'm truly offended by Palin," said Republican Philinia Lehr, 37, of Largo, a full-time mother with a nursing degree who voted for George Bush in 2004. Like Palin, she has five children and she doesn't buy that the Alaska governor can adequately balance her family and the vice presidency.

"You're somebody's mom and what are you going to do, say, 'Excuse me, country, hold on?' … She's preaching that she's this mom of the year and taking that poor little baby all over everywhere. And, you know, what she's doing to her 17-year-old daughter is just appalling." Lehr said she's bothered by the way Palin's pregnant daughter has been brought into the national spotlight.

Of the 11 undecided voters participating in the discussion one recent evening at the Times — four Republicans, five Democrats, and two registered to no party — only two Republican men applauded the selection of Palin.

Nobody had finalized a choice, but seven of the panelists said that McCain's running mate selection had made them more likely to vote for Obama, and in several cases much more likely.

"And that ticks me off because I do not want Obama," said Democrat Annette Kocsis, 68, a former Hillary Rodham Clinton supporter from Clearwater, scoffing at "the pit bull in lipstick," as Palin has called herself.

Couldn't happen to a nicer corrupt, power-hungry, undereducated, nothing-but-a-pretty-face woman, if you ask me. Especially today, when Palin is set to make her first Florida appearance as Veep candidate tomorrow in The Villages.

Only Sarah Palin could actually turn off some of the PUMAs like Annette Kocsis (quoted above), and one hopes that during the next six weeks or so, those other stubborn Clinton supporters who, whether out of spite or "distrust" or out-and-out racism actually threaten to vote for Huggy in November will wake up and recognize that none of those reasons justifies voting to put a batshit crazy, fundamentalist, woefully unqualified, lipsticked pit-bull of a woman a heartbeat away from the presidency.

So, while the campaign spirals down like one of Huggy's fighter planes in the Navy, Gov. Palin at least has earned a consolation prize. No, I don't mean a new son-in-law, although what mother wouldn't be thrilled to welcome Levi Johnston to her family? Actually, I mean getting a Major Award ... because, for the first time, Sarah, today's Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!

Obama returns to Florida tomorrow

Barack Obama will speak tomorrow in a town hall-style meeting at Gibbs High School in St. Petersburg.

The visit to Pinellas County comes as the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee is ramping up what could be the largest voter mobilization campaign Florida has seen from a Democrat, including opening a sprawling campaign office in St. Petersburg on Wednesday and in Clearwater on Tuesday.

Doors open at 8:30 a.m. Friday for the event at Gibbs High School, 850 34th St. S. Admission is free and open to the public, but tickets are required.

Tickets will be available first-come, first-served from 5 to 7 p.m. today at the St. Petersburg campaign office, 2321 Central Ave. Adults will be allotted a maximum of two tickets each and children younger than 16 will be allotted one.

If you're close enough, go. You won't regret it ... especially since Huggy Bear will be in Florida (predictably) at the same time, in Orlando and Panama City.

Beware the Scary Penis™!!

Just another Friday night in St. Petersburg ... some puritanical asshole gets his or her panties in a wad, and someone gets arrested:

The night started with a complaint about a giant penis statue.

Before it was over, police had pinned the owner of the art gallery to the ground and taken him to jail.

"Oh, my God," said gallery owner Bill Schramm, his glasses falling off in the scuffle. "This is the city's response to a penis. That's fabulous."

Officers arrested Schramm and another man after a raid Friday night on the Erotic Lounge in the Grand Central District of St. Petersburg. It wasn't the statue that they were arrested for.

Instead, investigators said they saw a nude man in the gallery, a violation of a city ordinance that prohibits places that serve alcohol from allowing the public display of genitals.

The gallery's show on Friday included a cypress penis statue larger than a person in front of the gallery. Schramm said he installed it there about 5 p.m.

Sometime during the evening, police received a complaint about the statue. A St. Petersburg police officer stopped by, told Schramm it was pornographic and told him to take it inside. He refused, saying it was art.

Later that evening, the show was still going on when police converged on the shop. As Schramm was talking to a St. Petersburg Times reporter about the statue, Sgt. Joe Collins dashed inside. Schramm put his hand up to stop him and tried to hold the door closed, police said.

In an instant, officers tackled Schramm, forcing him to the ground and cuffing his hands behind his back.

Officers sat him on a chair under the gallery's overhang while they searched the shop and detained the customers, telling them there was a liquor violation and asking to see identification.

Schramm, 46, was charged with battery on a law enforcement officer and violating the city ordinance.

Inside, police found a nude man, Joshua M. Culotta, suspended from the ceiling in an aerial harness that Schramm earlier called a "chandelier."

"He was in plain view," said Collins, the investigating sergeant.

Officers said they arrested Culotta, 26, for violating the city ordinance. The man, who is deaf, seemed confused and told a reporter, "I was just modeling." As officers handcuffed him, he started to cry.

"He'll be okay. Misdemeanor charge," an officer told one of the man's friends.

The walls of the gallery were covered in erotic images. One painting depicted Superman in underwear with an erect penis.

I'm sure glad the city of St. Petersburg is looking out for our morality rather than, you know, paying attention to actual crime.

The arrests might not have been directly attributable to the display of a giant penis statue, but there seems to be little doubt that the St. Pete police wouldn't have had their suspicions, um, aroused had the big dick not been on the street in the first place. (No, I'm not talking about Jim Naugle ... this time.)

Sadly, the St. Pete police are developing quite a reputation for aggressiveness. Whether it's destroying the property of homeless people or, as here, freaking out over an artistic display, you have to wonder exactly what kind of training the Department is providing.

Final thought: "Giant Penis Statue" would be a good band name ...

Unfortunate misspelling

I realize that hors d'oeuvres is a very difficult word (or words) to spell.

However, I believe Dr. Freud might like to speak with whoever created this sign, on a Beach Drive bar in St. Petersburg.

On second thought, maybe they misspelled "whore" and "devours."

Historic site

Yes, it's the Gold & Diamond Center in St. Petersburg where Gov. Crist bought the engagement ring for his fiancée. Since I was shopping at the nearby Publix this weekend, I thought I should commemorate the occasion appropriately, by which I mean, get a picture for the blog.

Interestingly, no historical marker or other recognition was visible when I took this picture on Saturday, the day after the engagement was announced. However, I'm sure after Crist becomes vice president ...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I think I just sprained a rib laughing. Sorry.

Don't feed the pelicans

This one cuts a little close to home for me.

One of the enduring memories of my childhood is from the time I lived in St. Petersburg (1977-80), fishing with my grandfather off the dock behind his apartment on Snell Isle and feeding the pinfish we caught -- it was almost always pinfish -- to the pelicans and the occasional blue heron. Well, beginning next week, such pastoral Florida scenes will be illegal.

Pelican feeding long has been a popular pastime at The Pier Bait House, where visitors are greeted with a yellow "Pelican Crossing" lamppost sign and a sidewalk placard that advertises "Pelican Food for Sale."

Come July 1, though, such feedings will be outlawed in Florida. The state Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission has passed a rule aimed at halting the feeding of large numbers of pelicans, saying the practice is affecting the health of brown pelican populations.

State officials say that feeding pelicans discarded fish and fish scraps can harm the birds in a number of ways.

One is that it can keep them from migrating south for the winter if they congregate in places where scraps are readily available.

Another problem arises at fishing piers, fish processing plants and other spots where people clean fish or toss the birds a few scraps, officials said. The large bones left over after filleting a fish, for instance, can get stuck in the pelican's throat, causing it to choke or starve.

Moreover, pelicans that hang out at piers can get caught with fishing hooks while trying to steal fish from a fishing line. Embedded hooks can cause the soft skin of the bird's pouch to tear, possibly causing infection that could lead to sickness.

According to the article, there won't be a major effort to stamp out "casual" feeding. In other words, as the Fish and Wildlife spokesperson put it, "[o]ur guys aren't going to be running around giving little Johnny with his grandpa tickets." (Never mind that my name isn't Johnny and my grandfather died in 2003 ...)

I'm trying to figure out an angle to blame this on Republicans. Maybe something about how once again the GOP finds a way to prevent aid to the needy. Pelicans or people, it doesn't really matter to them ...

Okay, okay, I'll keep working on it.

BC Bowl: Maybe they should call it "Pedophilia Manor"

(ed. note -- see replacement post above)

Now, I know it's not fair for me to take two turns on behalf of Florida in the ongoing Batshit Crazy Bowl, thereby skipping racymind's turn for Texas. But, honestly, how can anyone pass this up?

The Palace Mobile Home Park is a place that welcomes sex offenders. Ninety-five of these 200 residents are convicted sex offenders, including some pedophiles.

The adults-only, nondescript, low-income trailer park near St. Petersburg, Florida has gained a reputation among sex offenders on probation as a good place to live and stay out of trouble.

"Out there ... it's a jungle," said Michael, who did not want his last name used for this report. "In here, it's our own little piece of paradise. We're safe here."

[...]

In many ways, the Palace provides him a second chance at life. New laws across the country have limited where sex offenders and predators can live, banning them from places where children might congregate. This trailer park is far enough away from schools, churches, playgrounds and bus stops, allowing Michael to call it home without running afoul of the law.

"As a sex offender -- when you come out, you're told you can't do this; you can't be around children; you can't go to parks; you can't go to the beach; you can't go to the library," he said.

Nearly 600 sex offenders have lived here in the past couple of years, according to manager Nancy Morais, who said she was sexually assaulted by a family member as a little girl.

Not only does she allow the sex offenders to live here, she also offers therapy to help them become part of society again. "Put him on the right track, and we have a better chance of seeing society be a little bit safer with this person," she said. "Can I guarantee they're all gonna be good? Of course not."

That's right, folks: America's Wang™ is home to a trailer park for sex offenders. How nice that there's a place where they feel "safe." </snark>

Feelings among non-offender residents are surprisingly mixed:

But not everyone who lives here feels safe knowing they are surrounded by convicted sex offenders.

One resident, who asked not to be identified, railed against the trailer park's management for not informing them from the outset about this rehabilitation program.

"They told us nothing. My place is worth nothing now," the resident said, speaking in a whisper.

Another woman said she had no problem living among the offenders, but she said it comes with consequences: She won't allow her grandchildren on the premises.

Others don't seem to mind. Teresa Atkins moved into the Palace a year ago. She is not an offender and didn't know, at the time, that almost half of her neighbors were.

"I'm very safe here. None of these men want to go back to jail. They will do anything to keep from going to jail," she said.

I don't know exactly what it takes to be the batshit craziest state in America. I also know it's a subjective measure. But any state that has a trailer park that welcomes sex offenders, well, it's gotta be in the discussion ...

BC Bowl: Mom attacks bully on school bus

Sadly, it's been a long time -- too long -- since the Batshit Crazy Bowl, pitting Florida against Texas (and me against racy mind) in the Battle of Teh Crazy, has really been active.

Hopefully I can change that with this little nugget that Could Only Happen in Florida™:

Police say on September 21st Karen Barber followed the bus honking her horn until the driver pulled over at 6th St. and 16th Ave. S. in St. Petersburg.

In the video, Barber is seen getting on the bus and approaching a boy. She can be heard yelling at the boy, then she pokes him and slaps him one time.

Barber's daughter also got on the bus, and after her mother slapped the boy, she slapped him twice.

Police charged both of them with misdemeanor battery.

The link has the bus' surveillance video. Really, it's too good to miss ... but why do I keep thinking of the scene from Airplane! when the passengers keep slapping the frantic woman on the plane?

Okay, racy: can Texas hold serve?

Florida GOP Police Blotter #5: St. Pete City Council chair commits suicide

I hesitate to classify this under the Florida GOP Police Blotter given the outcome of the situation, but there's no doubt it would be there but for said outcome*, so here we go.

Thanks to a comment here this morning from fellow Eschaton denizen Moe Szyslak, I learned of the tragic suicide death of St. Petersburg City Council chairman John Bryan.

According to the news reports, Bryan's body was discovered by a St. Petersburg Times reporter who went to Bryan's Citrus County home to ask him about his resignation from the Council that afternoon. Earlier in the day, Bryan attended a custody hearing in circuit court in Pinellas County where he agreed not to have any contact with two of his adopted daughters, ages 12 and 15, whom he allegedly abused sexually. But before an investigation into the allegations could get off the ground, Bryan first resigned, then took his own life.

The article linked gives us a brief but revealing glimpse into the life of Bryan:

A former developer of single-family homes, Bryan retired in 1999 and focused on what he called his first priority, his family.

Bryan had a total of five children, two from a previous marriage along with the three he adopted.

Bryan was first elected to the City Council in 2001, after running unsuccessfully in 1998. He won re-election four years later with 56 percent of the vote.

A staunch Republican and former finance chairman for U.S. Sen. Connie Mack, Bryan helped push [Mayor Rick] Baker's agenda through the City Council.

From the dais, Bryan was both gruff and blunt. He would correct residents who misspoke, and he did not take criticism quietly. More than once, he threatened to remove council visitors who clapped or spoke out of turn at meetings.

Once again, Republican hypocrisy and sexual misconduct make headlines in Florida. This time, however, the tragic outcome leaves far too many questions unanswered.

---

* I hope no one will take this post as schadenfreude or capitalizing on Bryan's death, because it's not. Yes, I would have made fun of him if he hadn't killed himself. But, frankly, I think I know better than most that suicide is no laughing matter -- indeed, even the method Bryan used strikes close to home. Moreover, as a former resident of St. Petersburg, I have more than a passing interest in the news. Basically, I'm trying to handle this sensitively while still reporting what remains a valid story about a hypocritical Republican who apparently engaged in illegal and immoral conduct of a sexual nature.

St. Petersburg police ignore the Constitution

Apparently the cops in St. Petersburg are tired of protecting retirees, so they've moved on to wanton destruction of property:

Mayor Rick Baker says he had no idea that top city officials, including the police chief and one of his deputy mayors, planned a raid on homeless camps Friday in which police slashed tents being used for shelter.

"I did not know that the operation had occurred until it occurred," Baker said Monday. "I was aware that the fire marshal had identified a very grave concern. I did not know the specifics to the solution."

In some cases, police officers tore apart the tents while homeless people were still inside, cutting the fabric with scissors, knives and box cutters. The raid on the "tent city" at 15th Street and Fifth Avenue N came just days after two homeless men were slain and jolted a community still frightened because the killers are still at large.

Videos of officers cutting apart tents have received hundreds of views on YouTube and other Web sites.

This would be one of the videos in question:



And here's another, somewhat more graphic one a longer version of the video:



This is disgraceful, and the City of St. Petersburg justifiably is taking a lot of heat. Apparently they've never heard of the Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution:

Amendment IV

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

The justification for the raid? Concern about potential for fire:

Authorities were concerned a fire, started by residents cooking and smoking in tents, could spread quickly through the camp. They said a new, bigger camp has addressed their safety concerns.

"I was aware that the fire marshal had identified a very grave concern," Baker said. "I did not know the specifics to the solution."

This is not only flimsy, but it's no excuse for what the police did, without probable cause nor provocation. As a former resident of St. Petersburg (1977-80 and 1997-99), I'm deeply disturbed by this, and I strongly advocate the severest sanctions possible for those responsible for the raid.

(h/t to Holden for bringing this to my attention)