Some helpful advice for the Republican Party of Florida

You know, RPOF, you're looking at a real uphill climb in the 2010 elections. I mean, maybe Charlie Crist can get elected to the U.S. Senate on his popularity alone -- provided he can get past the people who dislike him most, you Republicans, in the primary. But beyond that, your candidates look a little, um ... alike.

At a time when the Florida electorate is growing increasingly diverse, the Republican party is gearing up to field an all-male, all-white slate in 2010.

In contrast, the Democratic front-runners for the top of the ticket are U.S. Rep. Kendrick Meek, a 42-year-old African American running for the U.S. Senate, and Chief Financial Officer Alex Sink for governor, who would be the state's first female chief executive. A handful of Hispanic and Jewish Democrats are potentially in the mix for attorney general and chief financial officer.

"It's something I see as an advantage for Florida voters, that the Democratic ticket could end up looking like it represents Florida's population," said Ana Cruz, a top Meek advisor.

The Republican front-runners for statewide office include Gov. Charlie Crist for Senate, Attorney General Bill McCollum for governor, Senate President Jeff Atwater for chief financial officer and U.S. Rep. Adam Putnam for agriculture commissioner. Putnam is the only one of the GOP candidates under 50 years old.

Hmmm ... basically a bunch of old, white men. Should we rename the GOP to the GOML, for "Get Off My Lawn?"

What you need is someone who's not a white man. Say, someone with widespread name recognition ... a history of deeply loyal Republican behavior ... maybe even some past congressional experience.

And I think I have just the candidate for you:


Come on, RPOF: Bring. It. On. (You know you want to ...)

Krazy Kitty Harris resurfaces

Well, looky here at the company our old pal Katherine Harris has been keeping:

Why, that's one-time federal fugitive R. Allen Stanford, now facing a number of charges relating to his multi-billion-dollar Ponzi scheme based in Antigua, kibitzing with Our Kitty during her brief, glorious congressional career. Stanford apparently paid for a congressional junket to Antigua, and I'm sure you can imagine my surprise to discover that Rep. Harris was connected to Stanford and to that Caribbean vacation. I'm just shocked, I tell you ...

To tell you the truth, I'm almost disappointed that we don't have Krazy Kitty to kick around anymore.

(h/t to AAbshier at Daily Kos)

Today's Daily Schadenfreude: Rep. Rick Renzi (R-Ariz.)

Rep. Rick Renzi (R-Ariz.) was indicted today on numerous charges related to two alleged criminal conspiracies involving business dealings. Couldn't happen to a nicer more deserving guy:

If convicted, Renzi, 49, could be sentenced to up to 20 years in prison on the most serious counts, plus fines of $250,000.

[...]

According to court papers, the congressman was a central figure in two, separate criminal conspiracies. In one, he is accused of manipulating a federal land exchange to financially benefit himself and [Texas real estate investor James W.] Sandlin, a former business partner who owed him money. In the other, he allegedly looted cash from his insurance company's trust fund to help finance his first election campaign, then attempted a cover-up with Beardall's assistance.

[U.S. Attorney for Arizona Diane] Humetewa said the allegations suggest that Renzi "betrayed the trust of the citizens of Arizona" by misusing his public office.

[...]

Allegations about the land-exchange deal involve a labyrinth of business transactions between Renzi and his former partner, Sandlin. According to the indictment, the two men acquired real estate together in Kingman. In 2003, court papers say, Sandlin bought out Renzi's interest for $1 million, paying $200,000 down and signing a promissory note for the remaining $800,000.

Two years later, at a time when Sandlin still owed $700,000, Renzi attempted to manipulate a federal land exchange by forcing participants to include property owned by Sandlin, the indictment says. In his official capacity as a congressman, the indictment adds, Renzi told representatives from two different companies that he would not support the transactions unless Sandlin's land was included.

In addition to extortion, Renzi is accused of concealing Sandlin's debt to him from Congress and failing to include it in financial disclosure statements. Renzi and Sandlin also are charged with money-laundering in connection with the use of funds obtained through criminal conduct.

The indictment involving Renzi's family business stems from efforts to finance his election campaign in 2001 and 2002. According to the indictment, Renzi embezzled more than $400,000 in insurance premiums from a trust at Patriot Insurance Agency Inc. in Santa Cruz County. He and [Maryland attorney James] Beardall are accused of making false statements to authorities and committing fraud in an attempt to conceal the theft.

Hoo boy, ol' Ricky was busy, wasn't he? Hard to believe he had time for canoodling with one of America's Wang™'s own.

What? You don't remember who Renzi's BFF was for a while in Congress? Here, let me refresh your memory:



Poor Krazy Kitty ... here she is, all set to be portrayed in a major motion picture, and her erstwhile boytoy might have to watch it from prison. My heart breaks for her ... but my heart also congratulates Rick Renzi: you can take solace in the fact that today's Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude once again is for you!

On the road again

Cue the old "Wide World of Sports" theme, because this weekend I'll be Spanning Teh Wang™ for meetings and bloggifying.

Today I'm on my way to real-job meetings in Sarasota, the city chiefly responsible for inflicting Katherine Harris on the rest of us. I'll make sure to clean all the batshit crazy off of me before I get home.

Tonight it's Clearwater and consumption of adult beverages with my Best Republican Friend. See above comment regarding cleaning off the batshit crazy thereafter. (I keed, I keed!)

And tomorrow I'll be in Tampa for a meeting of the neuroses minds in Florida's progressive blogosphere and netroots community. I haven't the foggiest notion of why I was invited to attend, but I'm really just going for the booze and hookers. No, wait, that was the state Republican conference. Sorry. I meant I'm only going to Tampa for the drum circles and pot. Oh, and the snacks.

Then next week, I'm in Tallahassee for a few days, but I'll probably be so stoned and exhausted from the "free love" (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more) in Tampa that I won't remember why I'm going up to America's Taint™ in the first place.

Anyway, stay tuned for further reports from the Spanning Teh Wang™ '08 Tour. Hey, Florida -- are you ready to rock?!

Scrambled eggs

Remember how Rudy Giuliani was putting all his eggs in Florida's basket?

Well, that's not going so well for the Mayor of 9/11:

Quinnipiac University's latest poll of Floridians shows that there's a statistical tie with the top four Republican contenders. John McCain, with 22 percentage points, barely leads. Rudy Giuliani and Mitt Romney are tied at 20 points and they can feel Mike Huckabee's breath. Fred Thompson (7) and Ron Paul (5) barely make the cut.

[...]

Also, [pollster Peter A.] Brown notes "these numbers can't be good news for Mayor Giuliani," who keeps slip, slip, slipping in poll after poll as he lost in Iowa and New Hampshire, despite setting up shop in the Sunshine state. Giuliani expected and needed to win Florida.

The juxtaposition between the two New Yorkers is interesting: Rudy loses ground in Florida while campaigning here. Hillary [Clinton, who leads Barack Obama 52-31 in Quinnipiac's poll,] gains in Florida while not campaigning here. The difference: Hillary campaigned and won elsewhere, spent and raised money wisely and got TV time both by way of advertising and free media.

Still, Giuliani has the most-committed voters, while McCain's support is "flimsier," Brown suggests, pointing out that only 42 percent of his voters saying they're a firm commitment.

Rudy -- or his advisors -- apparently didn't understand, or didn't think it would matter, that while Iowa and New Hampshire are small states with few delegates, the media coverage of those states gives the winners lots of free publicity. So you see McCain and Huckabee, who three months ago barely merited a mention in Florida, moving up the charts, while Rudy battles to stay in the race.

Then again, maybe "battle" is the wrong word ... unless you're going to follow it with "axe," based on the company Rudy keeps while he's back in Florida:

As with most of his previous visits to South Florida, Giuliani stumped Sunday in the politically influential Cuban-American community. He addressed thousands of parishioners at El Rey Jesus church in Miami and got out in front of tens of thousands of people who lined Calle Ocho for the Three Kings parade [(right)].

"This is a big deal for him to have so much access," said Hialeah Councilwoman Vivian Casals-Muñoz, a Giuliani supporter who greeted participants in the parade celebrating the story of the three wise men who brought gifts to the baby Jesus.

Former U.S. Rep. Katherine Harris, who's fallen out of public view since her disastrous bid for the U.S. Senate in 2006, was spotted at the church. Giuliani staffers said her visit was not planned by the campaign.

That's weird ... I thought usually rats abandon sinking ships ...

Conclusion: according to one commenter on the polling story, if someone's carrying on and rambling without making any sense, you might text-message them "RUDY?," for "Are you (R-U) Done Yet?" So, to answer the question "RUDY?" for Giuliani, the answer is clear:

Cya!

Krazy Kitty rides again

In a manner of speaking, anyway.

I recently told you about the HBO movie "Recount," about the 2000 election shenanigans in Florida and their aftermath. Although most filming is taking place in Jacksonville, the cast and crew have spent a few days this week in Tallahassee, where actress Laura Dern recreated the infamous 2003 horse ride of Katherine Harris.

I presume the movie horse ride also takes place after the election, because otherwise they're going to have a full-blown doozy of an anachronism to explain, with Harris having been elected to Congress in 2002. But, here are the pictures, and you tell me if it's a good representation.

First, the original Krazy Kitty:


And now Laura Dern as Krazy Kitty:


Kinda eerie, isn't it?

No, not the picture. I mean the fact that Katherine Harris ever held the title "Congresswoman."

Talk about an expensive date ...

I know it will come as a shock to those of us who know how deeply Katherine Harris values her faith and integrity, but she seems to have gotten herself mixed up with some rather nefarious characters ... I'm sure it's just a big misunderstanding, though, right, Kitty?

A campaign contributor who once wined and dined former Rep. Katherine Harris agreed Wednesday to pay a $1 million fine -- the second-largest in the Federal Election Commission's 32-year history -- for breaking campaign laws by funneling corporate contributions to Harris and another member of Congress.

The fine came as defense contractor Mitchell Wade reached a settlement with the FEC, acknowledging that he used $78,000 in corporate funds to reimburse employees and their spouses for contributing to Harris, a Sarasota Republican who lost a 2006 race for U.S. Senate, and Rep. Virgil Goode, R-Va.

My goodness. Harris in the mix with Mitchell Wade and Virgil Goode? You remember Wade, don't you? He's the guy who pleaded guilty to bribing disgraced former Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham (R-Of Course) of California. As for Goode, you may recall his bigoted rant about Rep. Keith Ellison (D-Minn.), a Muslim, using the Koran for his swearing-in ceremony. So, that's a real bunch of winners you're hanging out with, Kitty.

On the campaign trail in 2006, Harris acknowledged that Wade had picked up a $2,800 dinner tab when the two dined at the upscale Citronelle restaurant in Washington. She said then that the bill was so high because Wade bought several expensive bottles of wine to take home and that she had expected her campaign to "reimburse" Wade for her share of the meal. She said she would give $100 to charity -- the cost she calculated for her part of dinner.

Wade time was angling for multimillion-dollar government contract. Harris sponsored, but did not secure, a $10 million earmark that would have benefited MZM.

Some years ago in Tallahassee, I met with a member of Gov. Bush's cabinet. When I tried to pick up the tab for lunch, the cabinet member demurred and explained that because of finance rules, we would have to pay for our own meals separately. It's kind of surprising to me, therefore, that a member of Congress wouldn't know that allowing a lobbyist to pick up the tab for a $2,800 meal might be illegal.

Or maybe she did know and just didn't care? It would be irresponsible not to speculate ...

Krazy Kitty '08?

Change in Tallahassee brings us the latest entrant into the GOP presidential sweepstakes ... one that'll make everyone forget about Jeri Thompson's ... assets.



Stay tuned ...

More fun with Southern Baptists in America's Wang™

Last week, I told you about Krazy Kitty's appearance at the "Family Impact Summit," held at Bell Shoals Baptist Church near Tampa.

Now, my friend and fraternity brother geor3ge tells me that ol' Pontoons wasn't the only excitement at Bell Shoals.

Signs reading “God Loves Me as I Am” and “Queerly Divine and Doing Fine” were seen outside of Bell Shoals Baptist Church in Brandon, Fla., Thursday afternoon.

About 75 gay rights activists called the Family Impact Summit a “hate summit” that encourages bigotry with its opposition to gay “marriage” and for mobilizing Christians to petition against the practice.

Meanwhile, a dozen Bell Shoals church members stood in front of the church to pray for the protestors and explain that their opposition to gay “marriage” is nothing personal.

"We love these people,” said, the Rev. Forrest Pollock, pastor of Bell Shoals, according to The Tampa Tribune. "I think they'll discover that this is a church that loves them and wants to pray for them.”

“I want them to know we don’t hate them,” said church member Kim Jackson, according to the [St. Petersburg] Times. But she believes that gays are in danger of damnation.

“If my child were playing in the street,” she said, “I would still have to rescue that child, even though he’s having the time of his life.”

And if I were that child, I would feel obligated to hurl you in front of a bus, Ms. Jackson. But I don't hate you ...

She's baaaaaaack!

Harris predicts the results of her next planned breast augmentation.

Katherine Harris, known derisively affectionately to legions of Blast Off! readers as "Krazy Kitty," came out of her self-imposed exile yesterday to speak to a predictably friendly batshit crazy wingnut Christian group.

And, just as predictably, she is as batshit crazy as ever herself.

She told the audience that if they wanted to educate themselves to vote in the upcoming presidential election not to read the newspapers.

"They're not going to write stories in the newspapers that are news, they'll editorialize," she said. Anyone running for president is going to tout their Christian credentials, but voters should "be discerning and come to understand who these people are." Since they can't do that from news reports, they might check out conservative blogs on the Internet which "keep the media honest."

That's right, folks. Wingnuts truly believe that the right-wing-owned-and-operated media in this country needs to be kept "honest" by the conservative blogs. Talk about the fox guarding the henhouse ...

Hang on ... I'm laughing too hard ... I need to catch my breath ...

Whew!

So, whatcha been up to lately, Kitty? How are your pontoons?

She said she had dealt with her father's death, her family selling its bank, and taking care of her mother. She also said she had been speaking around the country and continued to work on policy debates in a nonpartisan way.

Speaking about the war in Iraq, she said that some mistakes were made, but that "hindsight is 50/50."*

She said she thanks God for "unanswered prayers."

Unanswered prayers? Like the attempted legicide** you committed by running for the U.S. Senate? Yeah, most Floridians pretty grateful for that unanswered prayer ourselves, even if you did leave us with Bill Nelson. A half-Democrat is better than no Democrat at all ...

Oh, and Kitty? The day you work on anything in a nonpartisan way is the day I get bigger implants than you ...

---

* Kitty, the phrase you're looking for is "Hindsight is 20/20." You know, like eyesight? Your boobs are 50/50.

** legicide (n.) -- a killing of the law. If it's not already a word, I just coined it.

Don't expect me to cheer for Ralph Nader

I received the following e-mail this morning about the rally on Saturday in D.C., where I'll be joining thousands of my closest DFH friends:

Three days until the Sept. 15 March to Stop the War! ~ Partial list of speakers ~ Sign up to volunteer ~ On Saturday, September 15, tens of thousands of people will gather at 12:00 noon on the north side of the White House, in and around Lafayette Park. Following the rally at the White House, participants will march to the Capitol Building. When the march arrives at Congress, thousands of people will participate in a Die-In/Funeral to dramatically represent the thousands of U.S. and hundreds of thousands of Iraqi lives lost in Iraq. Those not in the Die-In can participate in a legally permitted rally. Speakers at the White House rally will include: Ralph Nader Malik Rahim, Founder, Common Ground Collective, New Orleans Cindy Sheehan, Co-Founder, Gold Star Families for Peace Ramsey Clark, former U.S. attorney general Adam Kokesh, Iraq Veterans Against the War Tina Richards, CEO, Grassroots America Mahdi Bray, Executive Director, Muslim American Society Freedom Foundation Mounzer Sleiman, Vice-Chair, National Council of Arab Americans Etan Thomas, Washington Wizards Basketball Player & many other veterans, family members, anti-war, student and community leaders!

Hang on a second ... did you say Ralph Nader?? The man whose colossal ego and unwillingness to accept logic and reality in large part (though, admittedly, not singlehandedly) led to the mess we're in to begin with?

I find this appalling ... doesn't anyone pay attention to history? Sure, he may be a fine advocate for peace, but mostly he's a fine advocate for himself. And those of us who are coming to Washington to demand change have to put up with this asshat?

Spare me the starry-eyed rhetoric. I know Ralph thought he was doing the right thing. But he knew that his candidacy in 2000 would pull votes from Al Gore, and no matter how you want to argue the point, the final Florida tally (Katherine Harris-approved, I know, but it's in the books) says that Nader drew almost 100,000 votes, which in a margin of 537 for Drunky McStagger literally made all the difference.

Forgive me if I don't applaud Nader on Saturday. I don't know if I'll boo or turn my back or what, but I'll make my feelings known. Your mileage may vary, but I'm going to express myself. Deal with it.

UPDATE (11:23 am 9/12/07): Commenter TA chimes in:

Sinfonian said, "Hang on a second ... did you say Ralph Nader?? The man whose colossal ego and unwillingness to accept logic and reality in large part (though, admittedly, not singlehandedly) led to the mess we're in to begin with?"

You are not being fair to Nader or his supporters. The 2000 election went to Bush in large part because 50,460,110 people (47.87%) voted for him. And the 2000 election went to Bush in large part because Al Gore didn't even win his home state of Tennessee. And the 2000 election went to Bush because Gore's selection for VP was a lame duck. And the 2000 election went to Bush because Gore conceded too easily.

It's easy to tag Nader as the scapegoat of the 2000 election, but it's certainly not fair or logical. The majority of the blame for the mess we're in should be placed on BUSH.

As for Nader, I'll probably vote for him or some other third party candidate if Clinton gets the nomination.

And I respond:

You are not being fair to Nader or his supporters.

On the contrary -- I think I am being more than fair. I said "I know Ralph thought he was doing the right thing" and "The man whose colossal ego and unwillingness to accept logic and reality in large part (though, admittedly, not singlehandedly) led to the mess we're in to begin with?" That's fair to say, IMO.

The 2000 election went to Bush in large part because 50,460,110 people (47.87%) voted for him.

True, but more people voted for Gore. And more people in Florida would have voted for Gore than for Bush had Nader not been in an unwinnable race. If you would like to argue that issue, feel free, but it's a non-starter.

And the 2000 election went to Bush in large part because Al Gore didn't even win his home state of Tennessee.

I agree, that was pathetic.

And the 2000 election went to Bush because Gore's selection for VP was a lame duck.

Well, I sort of agree; we didn't know then what we know now about Lieberman, unfortunately.

And the 2000 election went to Bush because Gore conceded too easily.

Wrong. It went to Bush because Katherine Harris was a Bush campaign chair, and because five SCOTUS Justices (notably O'Connor) ignored the facts and the law.

You just keep deceiving yourself if you want, and I said from the start that reasonable minds may differ, but in my opinion, Ralph Nader has no business being at this rally Saturday, nor anywhere near politics, for that matter.

Naderites certainly are persistent, aren't they?

UPDATE (4:35 pm 9/12/07): The debate continues below in Comments (or, as we like to call them here, "Blasts").

BC Bowl bonus: Catching up with ... Katherine Harris

I know it's not my turn yet in the Batshit Crazy Bowl, and this is pretty old news, but still, it's worth reviewing.

I was curious about whatever happened to Krazy Kitty Harris, who apparently has faded into well-deserved and long-overdue obscurity after her humiliating landslide defeat for the U.S. Senate in 2006. Also, I was reminded of Kitty thanks to a questionable diary over at Daily Kos (a/k/a the Great Orange Satan) that alleged that she's running for her old congressional seat. I cannot find confirmation for that rumor and therefore will not link directly to that diary.

But, anyway, I have found the Batshit Craziest Place in America, and it's right here in America's Wang™. Ladies and gentlemen, Blast Off! is pleased to present the profoundly delusional and stupid citizens of Longboat Key, Florida:

Harris [received] the citizen of the year award [on February 6] at the Longboat Key Kiwanis Club dinner, held at the Colony Beach & Tennis Resort.

Members of the Kiwanis board of directors said Harris was an easy choice among eight candidates. From her controversial days as secretary of state to her losing bid for the Senate last year, there is a special toughness in Harris that many key residents recognize and value, said Kelly Kary, the Longboat Key Kiwanis Club's president.

"She's got some moxie, and a lot of people on the key see that," Kary said.

If, like me, you always wondered how someone as laughably ridiculous as Harris could be elected to Congress, well, given her batshit crazy constituency, I kind of understand now. After all ... she's got moxie! That is, enough moxie to canoodle with Rick Renzi (R-Ariz.) on the House floor in full view of C-SPAN cameras, and yes, both are married.

I mean it: these people are a special breed of fucked up. You want more?

Longboat Key residents and officials said that the only good that came out of her loss in the Senate race was that she was able to spend more time on the key and attend events like Tuesday's Kiwanis dinner. They are proud of their "Longboater," who won eight elections over the last dozen years.

"She reinforces what Longboat Key is like: a nice community filled with some very accomplished people," said Town Commissioner Bob Siekmann.

Residents still recall her poise in handling the Florida recount during the 2000 presidential race that was eventually won by George W. Bush. "Her tenacity was just terrific," said Hank Schreimann, a retiree who splits his time between St. Louis and Longboat Key.

Harris downplayed the praise heaped on her. "Everyone goes through difficult times," she said. "Maybe not a recount."

Pardon me while I vomit. "Nice community?" Yeah, so's Stepford.

Oh, yeah ... the original point of this was to find out what Krazy Kitty is doing these days ...

In an interview before accepting the award, Harris said she was about three-quarters through writing her next book, which will be about "lessons learned in the fire," she said. Since losing the Senate race, she said she has enjoyed spending time with family and friends but could eventually do policy work.

A book! Ol' Pontoons is writing a book! Look for it soon at a Christian Science Reading Room near you in the Richard Scaife Memorial Bargain Bin, along with all the garbage spewed by Ann Coulter and Dinesh D'Souza. No word yet on whether it will come with its own crayons for coloring.

I look forward to the day when the only response to Harris' name is: "Pontoons who?"

Bill Nelson votes for torture

Unbelievable. Unconscionable. And, at least for me, quite likely unforgivable.

Sen. Bill Nelson (D-Fla.), a conservative Democrat from Melbourne (which largely explains the conservatism -- trust me, I lived there), apparently gets off on torture:

The Senate Intelligence Committee on Thursday questioned the continuing value of the Central Intelligence Agency’s secret interrogation program for terrorism suspects, suggesting that international condemnation and the obstacles it has created to criminal prosecution may outweigh its worth in gathering information.

The committee rejected by one vote a Democratic proposal that would essentially have cut money for the program by banning harsh interrogation techniques except in dire emergencies, a committee report revealed.

[...]

But the committee stopped short of using its budget authority to shut down the program. In a closed session on May 23, two Democrats, Senators Sheldon Whitehouse of Rhode Island and Dianne Feinstein of California, proposed barring spending on interrogation techniques that go beyond the Army Field Manual, which bans physical pressure or pain. Under their proposal, the only exception would have been when the president determined “that an individual has information about a specific and imminent threat.”

The amendment failed when Senator Bill Nelson, Democrat of Florida, joined all the Republicans in voting no.

So, let me get this straight. Whitehouse and Feinstein wanted to cut funding for CIA torture, but Nelson votes against his party and with all the Republics to say, essentially, that torture is cool.

This is absolutely appalling. I've supported Sen. Nelson and voted for him, despite the fact that I've known of his center-right proclivities for years, because it was important to me to have (and maintain) a Democratic majority in the Senate. (Of course, the fact that his opponent last year was Krazy Kitty Harris made my vote even more of a no-brainer.)

But this kind of vote leads me to believe that Sen. Nelson may have outserved his usefulness in the Senate. I trust that those of us with long memories -- and I include myself in that number -- will remember this vote (and others) in 2012, and we will seek a true progressive to be the Democratic nominee for the U.S. Senate, regardless of whether or not Sen. Nelson opts to run for another term.

For shame, Sen. Nelson ... for shame.

Today's Daily Schadenfreude: Rick Renzi

This word from War and Piece via Atrios: Rep. Rick Renzi (R-Ariz.) is likely to resign soon.

According to the linked article:

U.S. Rep. Rick Renzi, R-Ariz., could soon step down in the wake of a federal investigation into his involvement in a federal land swap deal and FBI raids of an insurance agency owned by his wife.

His resignation could come as early as Friday or soon after, according to sources familiar with the matter.

Top Republicans, including U.S. Sen. Jon Kyl, have been meeting to discuss what they will do if Renzi resigns and his rural congressional seat opens up.

Republican leaders also are starting to encourage Renzi to resign, saying a prolonged investigation will hurt the party's chances of holding onto his Arizona seat, according to knowledgeable sources.

[...]

Renzi's district has a slight Democratic voter registration edge, but it is rural and socially conservative and has gone for the GOP in recent years. It includes Casa Grande, Flagstaff, Sedona, Payson and Prescott.

What? A Republican member of Congress enmeshed in scandal? Can you imagine? Next thing you know, you'll be telling me that the president is an unscrupulous, intellectually vacant psychopath.

Anyway, regarding little Ricky, I'm sure the news of his impending resignation will come as a shock to his erstwhile fuckbuddy colleague Katherine "Pontoons" Harris. Remember their 2006 canoodle (hereafter known as their tête à tit)? Check this out:



And now, a Blast Off! exclusive, the song Rick was murmuring to Kitty in that scene:

Dig if u will the picture
Of u and I engaged in a kiss
The sweat of your body covers me
Now u and I are
Both out of Congress

(Okay, I know, it's not Prince, but how 'bout some points for effort?)

Anyway, there should be no Auld Lang Synes for Rick Renzi. Only this: Dearest Richard, let not the door smite thee in the hind-quarters on thy way forth. Also this: congratulations to Rick Renzi -- today's Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!

FL-13: SecState says it wasn't the voting machines

Another chapter in the ongoing saga of Florida voting goes the Republic Party's way:

Neither voting equipment nor election software caused more than 18,000 votes to disappear in a disputed congressional race to replace former U.S. Rep. Katherine Harris, according to two audits released Friday by the Florida Secretary of State.

But what went wrong Nov. 7 in the Sarasota County District 13 election is still a mystery, the audits found.

[...]

"The team's unanimous opinion is that the iVotronic firmware, including faults that we identified, did not cause or contribute to the CD13 undervote," reads a report authored by a team of eight computer scientists based at Florida State University who conducted the audit.

But the report goes on: "There is no dispute that this undervote is abnormal and unexpected and that it cannot be explained solely by intentional undervoting."

Florida Secretary of State Kurt Browning issued a statement Friday saying the audit confirmed that "there is no evidence that suggests the official results are in error."

It should be noted that the lead computer scientist on FSU's audit was associate professor Dr. Alec Yasinsac, whose political activities include contributions to the campaigns of Katherine Harris and GOP congressional candidate Frank Schwerin. Just sayin'.

Anyway, we still don't know why there were 18,000 undervotes in Sarasota County, and I wonder if we ever will:

[Democratic candidate Christine] Jennings and voter advocacy groups, including People for the American Way, mounted a legal battle to gain access to ES&S' source code for the machines.

That lawsuit is awaiting a decision by the 1st District Court of Appeal after a circuit judge ruled Jennings' arguments about the possibility of lost votes were "conjecture" and did not warrant disclosing the trade secrets of the voting machine company.

Some experts testified that poor ballot design contributed to the anomaly and that the race was difficult to locate on the touch screens.

Earlier this month, Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-Calif., launched an inquiry into the election, asking Congress' Government Accountability Office and the National Institute of Standards and Technology to perform a "top-to-bottom" investigation into the 18,000 undervotes.

Stay tuned ...

Saturday editorial roundup

This just in: the GOP is in a world of hurt.

The latest clue is the Opinion page of today's Post. Even acknowledging the Post's purported left-leaning slant, there's hardly an encouraging word to be had for Republicans, except for the always reliably wingnutty Kathleen Parker's screed against stem-cell research (shorter KP: "The clones are coming! The clones are coming!").

For example, in "Not so fast, FEMA," the Post's editorial board criticizes FEMA's announcement that their efforts in providing housing for 2004 hurricane victims in Florida were "a tremendous success by any measure:"

Of the 109 residents who were finalizing arrangements to leave the officially named FEMA Airport Group Site, around 25 legitimately had nowhere to go. FEMA says others will be evicted. Moreover, the lawlessness that developed as 550 families settled at the isolated Charlotte County site, disconnected from socioeconomic services or any support system, shows that FEMA still isn't getting this right.

By law, federal emergency housing is supposed to last only 18 months. So credit the agency for having extended previous February and September deadlines for closing the largest emergency trailer site in the country. But private agencies and local governments did better in assisting 17,000 victims statewide, including 2,200 in Martin and St. Lucie counties, some in government-sponsored trailers in White City, Indiantown and Fort Pierce. Others are in Pahokee.

Yep, people are still living in FEMA trailers more than two years after Florida was ravaged by Hurricanes Charley, Frances, Ivan, and Jeanne. FEMA sounds suspiciously like they're saying "Mission, accomplished," don't they?

Then there's the heaping helping of snark from Post columnist George McAvoy, in response to Krazy Kitty's whining complaints that the media are out to get her:

It had been a long time since MAA found a candidate pure enough to be worth our efforts, but then, one day, a general meeting was called, and all 50,000 of us jammed into our secret meeting place in Boca Raton and set to work.

Our leader [of the fictional MAA - Media Against Anything] read a report on Rep. Harris compiled by our investigative reporters, and when he finished, the room fell silent. Then someone blurted out - "She's the best political target since Dan Quayle."

Someone else added, "Just about as smart, too."

We all applauded then and filed out, all 50,000 of us, trying to appear inconspicuous.

Ever since then, we have done our best to make Katherine Harris seem ... er ... kind of nutty. It hasn't been difficult.

In her debates with Sen. Nelson, as she has noted, we gave him all the easy questions and asked her the toughies, like what she would do if elected.

She got into a snit the other day because, as she put it, reporters and commentators write more about what she's wearing than what she says.

Actually, we can't claim credit for that. The fact is, none of us ever can remember anything she's said.

Shorter Kitty: "It's always someone else's fault!"

Leonard Pitts, Jr., of the Miami Herald, weighs in with his take on how demon rum is to blame for GOP/conservative missteps like, oh, Mark Foley hitting on pages, state Rep. Ralph Arza's racial epithets, and Mel Gibson's famous anti-Jewish tirade:

As if the feelings expressed and behaviors exposed are something external to the person, something that poured unseen from the bottle. As if Johnnie Walker insulted those Jews, Stolichnaya sent those instant messages and Bud Light left those voicemails.

**********

But Gibson, Foley and Arza add a shameless new twist: Blame the bottle. And don't you love Arza's statement? He has ''noticed'' that when he drinks, he acts a fool? It's always been my experience that a drunken ass is more than noticeable. Arza might as well have said, "Drinks were drunk. Calls were made. Sorrow is felt."

Unfortunately, responsibility is not accepted. But why should it be? Booze makes such a convenient scapegoat.

If I were an alcoholic, I'd be insulted. These clowns give drunks a bad name.

Even the Letters to the Editor demonstrate that we're just sick of the GOP, with headlines like Under Bush, destiny is ash heap of debt; Listen to entire speech by Kerry, then decide; and Learn about Negron before picking Foley.

Three more days, folks.

UPDATE (4:45 pm EST 11/4/06): More evidence of the aforementioned world of hurt:

Let's get ready to rumble

Debate Fever is sweeping Blast Off!, and it's that time of year in Florida.

First up, U.S. Senate candidates Bill Nelson and "Krazy" Katherine Harris, tonight at 8:00 pm at Nova Southeastern University in Davie. This time, they'll be on the same stage at the same time.

Tomorrow night, it's the epic first showdown between Jim Davis and Charlie Crist, also at 8:00 pm at NSU. The two will meet again in Tampa next Tuesday night, October 30, when the moderator will be none other than Chris "Tweety" Matthews of MSNBC's "Hardball." Gee, that oughta be a show.

Because I have rehearsal tonight, I won't be able to watch the Nelson-Harris debacle debate (maybe I should set the DVR ...), but I'll see about live-blogging the gubernatorial debate tomorrow night. Stay tuned ...

Both debates may be viewed live online at BeforeYouVote.org.

Shorter Harris: It's the librul media's fault

Cruella is at it again:

Harris said she believes Bill Nelson “has been very much protected by the liberal media.”

[She] said the media have not published the same types of in-depth analyses of Nelson’s “voting record or his lack of accomplishments” as they have in covering her.

Well, let me put it in simple terms, so you can understand.

(1) Give up the "liberal media" crap. Nothing could be further from the truth.
(2) Bill Nelson has accomplishments. You don't.
(3) The voters can't decide what they like least about you - your incessant whining about how it's always someone else's fault that your campaign is in the toilet, or your nutty statements that prove that ...
(4) ... you are certifiably crazy.

Thank you. Please drive through.