Okay, I know,
racy is doing her best to keep up in the Batshit Crazy Bowl as she tries to prove that Texas is crazier than Florida. Her last effort, about a
Texan who killed his roommate after an argument over the decedent's
foot odor, is noble indeed, and she even included the medical term
bromidrosis, which surely earns her extra points.
However, I'm sorely tempted to declare victory for America's Wang™ after learning this morning of José Caragol (right), the Hialeah city councilman with an unusual campaign slogan.
At a recent meeting of the Miami Herald editorial board, commission seat challenger Mercy Dominguez raised a stink about a saucy couplet Caragol had recited on a La Kalle 98.3 FM morning radio show: "Si le gusta el sexo oral, vote por Caragol para consejal." ("If you like oral sex, vote Caragol for council.") According to Dominguez, it's been a running gag ever since January, when he debuted the joke on Channel 41's Seguro Que Yes.
There is a slight chance the joke might hurt Caragol's little-old-lady numbers. "Last night I heard somebody call in to La Poderosa and say it was offensive," says Dominguez. "A lot of people have become totally outraged. They're asking me to run because of this."
Oh, please, people -- have a sense of humor. Embrace your batshit craziness ... you're from
Florida, dammit!
You actually have to give Caragol some credit for creativity and for seeing the wisdom of staying, um,
active in one's dotage:
Caragol did not return phone calls seeking comment, so [this columnist, "Riptide"] decided to check in with him — where else? — at a funeral for a local businessman last Friday. The incumbent commissioner stood at the back of the Church of the Immaculate Conception in Hialeah, shaking hands with various guayabera-clad grievers. His heavy frame filled out a distinguished blue blazer; his silver hair was parted neatly to the side.
Outside, in the hot afternoon sun, his face lit up when Riptide broached the matter of sexo oral.
"Around here, election season is like hurricane season," he said, doffing his blazer and wiping sweat from his brow. "It brings all kinds of tropical depressions." Caragol would not respond to questions about his oral sex slogan; he refused to apologize for his personality, which, he said, is prone to joking. "We also came up with Forget the Cholestoral [sic], and Vote for Caragol."
Caragol seemed to suggest it is his refusal to bow down to anyone that keeps him alive. "I will keep on being myself every time and every day," he said with a chop of his hand. "I rest most in full action and full dynamism."
Behind him, a costumed mariachi band gathered before the church and struck up a tune as grim pallbearers carried the casket toward a waiting hearse. "The other option is right behind me."
Sorry, racy, but only in Florida can a politician run on a slogan advocating fellatio* (or cunnilingus*, depending on one's perspective). After all, that's why
Florida is the batshit craziest state in America!As Caragol put it, "I may have said something that may not have been of a very nice taste for the nuns and priests, but President Clinton did it." So, blame the Clenis™!
* I can't wait to see what kind of hits I get for including those words in this post.Labels: BC Bowl, Florida, Hialeah, José Caragol, Racy Mind, sex, Texas
