BC Bowl: two, two, two morons in one!

Okay, so the Batshit Crazy Bowl between Florida and Texas has slowed down considerably, I know. As the electoral silly season accelerates, I guess I've become rather preoccupied with politics, so much so that I sometimes forget my responsibility to continue to establish that Florida indeed is the batshit craziest state in America, the contrary feelings of Texas' own racy mind notwithstanding.

Today I bring you two renowned Floridians who, each in his or her own way, truly represents what it means to be a citizen of America's Wang™.

First, Tina Williams (left) of St. Augustine, who has her priorities just a smidgen mixed up:

The deputy who pulled over Tina Williams Sunday reported smelling a strong odor of alcohol coming from the car. When he asked Williams for a driver's license, she replied, "I never had one," Jacksonville television station WJXT reported.

According to the police report, a 24-pack of beer in the front passenger seat of her car was restrained by a seat belt but a 16-month-old girl was not in a child seat or safety belt. A 19-year-old woman was also in the back seat.

Police said Williams had bloodshot and watery eyes and staggered when she got out of the vehicle. Asked if she'd been drinking, she told the deputy, "I had a few."

[...]

After Williams was taken into custody, two metal pipes were found in her purse.

Williams was charged with DUI, child endangerment, driving without a license, running a red light and failure to use a child restraint.

Now that there's some powerful batshit crazy. Sure, so she remembered to use a seat belt. However, as my old torts professor in law school used to say, "Right church, wrong pew."

Meanwhile, in Brooksville, north of Tampa, 19-year-old Christopher Holder (right) was arrested for "yelling profane words near ... children."

According to the Hernando County Sheriff's Office, Christopher Holder was walking with two other juveniles in front of a woman's house on Gordon Loop Road in Brooksville, loudly repeating profanities.

The woman complained to deputies who were in the area on another call, saying that her children didn't need to hear such language.

The deputies confronted Holder, who said he was singing the lyrics to a rap song, and wasn't doing anything wrong.

He was arrested on disorderly conduct charges and taken to the Hernando County Jail.

TheSmokingGun.com gives us a little more detail: the complaining woman said that Holder was repeatedly saying "motherfucker," but he "explained that he was merely covering a song by Louisiana rapper Lil' Boosie, whose most recent album, 'Bad Azz,' includes cuts like 'My Nigga' and 'Fuck You.' " Oh, well, as long as it was a song ...

I've been saying it here for over eight months now, and America's Wang™ keeps proving my case time and time again: Florida truly is the batshit craziest state in America.