The obligatory blog post about bestiality

You know, it wouldn't be Blast Off! without at least one post every year or so about bestiality. And 2009 is no exception.

Last year, we discussed the famous Mossy Head goat-rape and marveled that bestiality still was not illegal in Florida. The thinking at the time was that reports of that incident and others would moo-ve the Florida Legislature to action. But, you know, "action" and "Florida Legislature" rarely go together, and so the anti-sex-with-animals provision got held up in committee.

Well, it's baa-ck again this year, but this time it looks like it might get to the Senate floor for a yea-or-neigh vote:

Florida is one of only 16 states that still permit bestiality -- a fact that animal-rights activist and Sunrise Sen. Nan Rich learned to her horror when a Panhandle man three years ago was suspected of accidentally asphyxiating a family goat that he held by the collar while engaged in a sex act.

"There's a tremendous correlation between sexually deviant behavior and crimes against children and crimes against animals," said Rich, a Sunrise Democrat. "This is long overdue. These are heinous crimes. And people belong in jail."

But the Mossy Head man suspected of assaulting Meg the goat was never charged, because law enforcement officials could never link him to the crime scene. The suspect was arrested in a separate goat-abducting months later, said Walton County Assistant State Attorney Walter Parker.

Rich's proposal was amended to target only those who derived or helped others derive "sexual gratification" from an animal. The amendment specified that conventional dog-judging contests and animal-husbandry practices are permissible.

That last provision tripped up Miami Democratic Sen. Larcenia Bullard.

"People are taking these animals as their husbands? What's husbandry?" she asked. Some senators stifled their laughter as Chairman Charlie Dean explained that husbandry is the rearing and caring of animals.

Bullard didn't get it.

"So that maybe was the reason the lady was so upset about that monkey?" Bullard asked, referring to a New York case where a woman's suburban chimpanzee went mad and was shot.

Ladies and gentlemen, your Florida Legislature in action ...

Anyway, the story is that bestiality had been illegal, but the statute later was ruled unconstitutionally broad. So they're taking another quack at the law again this year.

We can only hope that our lawmakers in Tallahassee finally declare bestiality illegal, oinks and for all. After all, the life you save ... may be your pet's.

Goat rape follow-up

Now if that title doesn't get your attention, nothing will.

Remember back in January when a notorious goat raping incident in Florida's panhandle (what, you were expecting Miami Beach?) led to legislative efforts to make bestiality a crime? I was surprised that bestiality wasn't already a criminal offense in Florida ... but not nearly as surprised as I am now to learn that the companion bills (PDF) in the House and Senate each died in committee in May, at the end of session.

So, bestiality remains legal in Florida. Who's gonna tell Rick Santorum?

BC Bowl: Paging Sen. Santorum

It's been a very long time since I've even felt the need to demonstrate that Florida really is the batshit craziest state in America. But in the spirit of the new year, let's revive our rivalry with Texas (represented by the lovely and talented racy mind) and bring back the Batshit Crazy Bowl with a ... bang.

Courtesy of the Florida Progressive Coalition Blog, here's some useful information for those visiting or living in Florida:

Bestiality could be banned in Fla. following goat rape

After a goat was raped and killed in the Panhandle town of Mossy Head, animal activists, cops and citizens were almost as shocked to find out that bestiality isn’t a crime in Florida.

But not for long.

A Sunrise state senator and a St. Petersburg representative have filed legislation to make it a first-degree felony to have sex with animals.

"It’s true. It’s sick. There needs to be a law," said Democratic Sen. Nan Rich, a longtime crusader for children and animal rights. "There are 30 states that make this a crime. Florida isn’t one of them."

Florida Gov. Charlie Crist said he would sign the bill into law if it made it to his desk.

Rich said she was as shocked as she was "disgusted" when she learned of the rape and asphyxiation of a family pet goat named Meg who was pregnant with twins last year in the town of Mossy Head in rural Walton County.

A suspect in the case, a 48-year-old man, is serving an 11-month, 29-day jail sentence on animal-theft charges in connection with the attempted abduction of another goat in a separate case, according to Walton County Assistant State Attorney James Parker.

The case has it all: From a rape kit to Milk Bone Dog biscuits to a guy selling charity T-shirts for the "Mossy Head Gentlemen’s Club."

I'm still laughing at what Kenny Quinnell said about this over there at FPCB:

Okay, here are the questions this article raises:

1. “Could” be banned?
2. Seriously, a goat?
3. And why kill the goat? Afraid it was going to report the crime?
4. Bestiality isn’t illegal in Florida?
5. Only one legislator is on board with making it a crime?
6. The goat was pregnant with twins. Was this before or after….?
7. This wasn’t the guy’s first attempt?
8. Milk Bone dog biscuits?
9. Can somebody get me one of those “What Happens in Mossy Head, Stays in Mossy Head” T-shirts[?] I can think of a certain Republican legislator who needs one.

Actually, I thought of three more questions:

In which 20 states is this not illegal?

Has anyone seen Mickey Kaus lately?

How many jokes can you make out of this having occurred in "Mossy Head?"