Florida attorney general race: the GOP has problems

In the battle to be the next Attorney General, the difference between the two parties couldn't be more stark. For the Democrats, two influential and successful state senators, Dave Aronberg and Dan Gelber, are vying for the nomination. And, as we were reminded last weekend, either one would be an exceptional choice.

Meanwhile, the Republicans are looking more and more like The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight. Until yesterday, the only potential candidate on the GOP side was lieutenant governor Jeff Kottkamp, whose recent brushes with scandal have been both numerous and well-chronicled. (Keep in mind that the attorney general is the state's chief law enforcement officer, a position for which Kottkamp is singularly unqualified.) But now former state legislator and administrator Holly Benson appears to be preparing to enter the fray ... and she has her own problems:

Former Pensacola lawmaker and Crist administration agency head Holly Benson will resign her post leading the state's Agency for Health Care Administration.

[...]

Benson led AHCA for 18 months. Before that, she ran the state's Department of Business and Professional Regulation, leaving her seat in the state House representing Pensacola to join Crist's administration.

[...]

Benson represented parts of Northwest Florida. She resigned from the state House soon after she was elected to a fourth term.

So, let's see ... Benson resigned from her seat in the House right after she was reelected ... she was led the Department of Business and Professional Regulation for barely more than a year ... and she was at AHCA for just a year and a half.

It's funny -- last weekend Gelber and Aronberg passionately explained how much they wanted to be attorney general and, at least in Aronberg's case, this was a "dream job" for him. On the other hand, for their attorney general nominee, the GOP likely will have to choose between a candidate with serious ethical questions and a candidate who can't seem to stay committed to one job.

I'd sure feel bad for the Republican Party of Florida right now ... if I weren't laughing so hard.

Facebook polls suck: a rant in one act

So there I was, blithely skipping through Facebook for a minute this evening whilst waiting for the dryer to finish, when I came upon this little vomitous, wingnut-induced treat, one of Facebook's ubiquitous poll questions:

Question: "Should the United States President be allowed to do a nationwide address to our children at school, without prior parental consent?"
- Yes
- No
- Maybe

Jesus H. Christ in gym class, are they fucking serious? Who could possibly object to the president addressing students in school? Moreover, what the fuck does parental consent have to do with anything? This isn't a "Puberty And You" filmstrip, for fuck's sake -- it's the president of the United States!!

Oh, wait ... the batshit-crazy wingnuts put this out there. I get it. See, it was all fine and dandy when that hunky he-man Ronald Reagan and his loyal sidekick George H.W. Bush spoke to kids when they were each White House residents ... but now ... well, now things are different, aren't they? And you know what I mean by "different" ... wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

This explains the brief tweets I saw today, which I previously hadn't had time to explore further, about Republican Party of Florida chairman and preeminent douchebag Jim Greer, who proclaimed that President Obama's planned speech to kids is designed to "indoctrinate" students into a "socialist ideology."

Jim, you ignorant slut. Fuck you, you moronic, disingenuous asshole. You wouldn't know a "socialist ideology" if it kicked you in the ass (which, incidentally, I wish it would) -- because you know as well as I do (or you should, if you have even an ounce of sense) that Barack Obama isn't even a liberal, let alone a socialist. Your fear-mongering, sycophantic drooling in response to some shit Glenn Beck spews forth on his pathetic excuse for a television show isn't even worthy of a response, but just in case anyone out there is reading this and thinks that you have even a minute, tiny shred of credibility left, let me disabuse them of that notion:

• Main Entry: so·cial·ism
• Pronunciation: \ˈsō-shə-ˌli-zəm\
• Function: noun
• Date: 1837

1 : any of various economic and political theories advocating collective or governmental ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods

2 a : a system of society or group living in which there is no private property b : a system or condition of society in which the means of production are owned and controlled by the state

3 : a stage of society in Marxist theory transitional between capitalism and communism and distinguished by unequal distribution of goods and pay according to work done

No matter how much you cretins bluster about "socialism," nothing President Obama or the Democrats in Congress are proposing is anything remotely close to abolition of private property. You must think the American people are a bunch of idiots! Oh, right, you Republicans like it that way.

I'm betting we'll see a veritable army of moronic brownshirt fucks keeping their kids home from school on Tuesday, just so they don't have to be forced to sit through a speech by that ... that ... black guy in the White House. That's okay -- it's not like those kids are likely to learn anything anyway, coming from households where Fox News and Sarah Palin undoubtedly reign supreme.

So, you know, stay classy, Facebook. Thanks for continually reminding us that there are people out there whom I would characterize as "dumb as a box of rocks," except that it would be insulting to boxes of rocks.

Today's Daily Schadenfreude: Ray Sansom

Former Florida House Speaker Ray Sansom (R-naturally) keeps getting himself into hot water. Not only is the guy facing multiple charges arising out of his (alleged) role in a corrupt bargain at Northwest Florida State College (NWFSC), but now it turns out that, contrary to that old (and now completely discredited) claim that Republicans are against spending, he's actually been spending lavishly for himself and his family -- using Republican Party of Florida (RPOF) funds.

Ousted House Speaker Ray Sansom racked up about $173,000 on his Republican Party-issued credit card, taking his family on a trip to Europe, making visits to Best Buy and spending thousands on flowers, clothing, meals and hotels.

As a recession tightened on Florida families, Sansom was spending freely, records show, on tuxedo rentals, Chinese food and a steady flow of coffee — $839 at Starbucks alone.

[...]

Under state law, the specifics of party credit card expenditures are shielded from the public. Only bottom-line amounts are revealed. That makes the Sansom reports all the more eye-catching. He spent $11,475 at Best Buy alone and $8,993 at Friendly Florist in Fort Walton Beach.

Normally, when I prepare these Daily Schadenfreude features, I only laugh at the misfortune of others in a figurative sense. I mean, I'm not a monster, y'know? But this time, I've actually LOL'd (as the kids say) at ol' Ray's hypocrisy and arrogance. Those expenses don't look much like Party business, do they? I mean, I know Republicans are supposed to be far more extravagant than we DFHs are, but this is well beyond the pale by any sensible standard. $11, 000 at Best Buy? Trips to Europe? $839 at Starbucks? I mean, my own devotion to triple grande non-fat no-foam lattes is well-known, but this is hilarious!

In response to these revelations, Republican legislators all over Florida are covering their tracks declaring their unflinching allegiance to fiscal restraint:

Following today's story about Ray Sansom's use of a Republican Party-issued credit card, the chairman of the Brevard County REC is calling for an immediate stop to all other use of cards and said he will make a motion at this weekend's RPOF gathering in Orlando.

Chairman Jason Steele also wants the Republican Party of Florida to open its books for a complete audit. ..."We need to stop this stuff. It’s just ridiculous," Steele told the Buzz. "It needs to stop right now. It does not look good for the Republican party. It makes us look very very stupid."

Don't sell yourself short, Jason -- you Republicans actually are pretty accomplished at looking "very very stupid." But Steele's efforts are spreading like Bristol Palin's legs wildfire throughout the RFOP: state senators Mike Haridopolos and Jeff Atwater were among the first to toss their party-issued AmEx cards into the bonfire, and the entire RPOF is expected to follow suit today.

Sansom spent over $44,000 in Okaloosa County alone -- thereby providing a significant percentage of the county's GDP all by himself, I imagine. And his explanation? Man, talk about a lack of remorse:

Sansom defended his spending by saying it was done while crisscrossing the state in the name of raising money for Republican candidates and getting those candidates elected.

The GOP raised over $13 million during his 2007-08 stint as speaker designate “and got all 76 members elected in what were some of the toughest political times for Republicans in the last several years,” Sansom said.

“You have to spend money to raise money, and we raised more money than in any previous election year,” he said. “I’m very pleased and proud of our efforts.”

I'm not sure how his family vacation to Europe or a $739 plane ticket for his daughter contributed to raising money for Republicans, but what do I know? But I guess that kind of misconduct is honorable among the GOP; otherwise, why would Sansom have said he was so proud?

Sansom's trial on the NWFSC corruption and perjury charges is scheduled to begin on September 29. Make sure you have plenty of popcorn -- it's gonna be a great show! In the meantime, congratulations to Ray Sansom, for today's Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude* is for you!

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* It's getting to the point where I may just name the damn award for Sansom ...

Some helpful advice for the Republican Party of Florida

You know, RPOF, you're looking at a real uphill climb in the 2010 elections. I mean, maybe Charlie Crist can get elected to the U.S. Senate on his popularity alone -- provided he can get past the people who dislike him most, you Republicans, in the primary. But beyond that, your candidates look a little, um ... alike.

At a time when the Florida electorate is growing increasingly diverse, the Republican party is gearing up to field an all-male, all-white slate in 2010.

In contrast, the Democratic front-runners for the top of the ticket are U.S. Rep. Kendrick Meek, a 42-year-old African American running for the U.S. Senate, and Chief Financial Officer Alex Sink for governor, who would be the state's first female chief executive. A handful of Hispanic and Jewish Democrats are potentially in the mix for attorney general and chief financial officer.

"It's something I see as an advantage for Florida voters, that the Democratic ticket could end up looking like it represents Florida's population," said Ana Cruz, a top Meek advisor.

The Republican front-runners for statewide office include Gov. Charlie Crist for Senate, Attorney General Bill McCollum for governor, Senate President Jeff Atwater for chief financial officer and U.S. Rep. Adam Putnam for agriculture commissioner. Putnam is the only one of the GOP candidates under 50 years old.

Hmmm ... basically a bunch of old, white men. Should we rename the GOP to the GOML, for "Get Off My Lawn?"

What you need is someone who's not a white man. Say, someone with widespread name recognition ... a history of deeply loyal Republican behavior ... maybe even some past congressional experience.

And I think I have just the candidate for you:


Come on, RPOF: Bring. It. On. (You know you want to ...)

Fear and (self-) loathing in the Florida GOP

As noted previously and regularly on this sucky blog, the Republican Party of Florida (RPOF) is a mess. I mean, a serious clusterfuck. Hell, it's even worse than the Florida Democratic Party, and that's saying something ...

The latest dust-up comes out of Orlando, where the local GOP is in total disarray over a disputed chairmanship election. But along came state GOP chairman Jim Greer, putting the reverse Midas touch* on the controversy almost as well as Drunky McStagger, the original anti-Midas himself, might have done.

State Republican party chairman Jim Greer has sent a tough letter to Deon Long, who tried to oust Lew Oliver as chairman of the Orange County GOP and at least used to be head of the Florida Federation of Black Republicans. Greer says Long is NOT chairman of the Orange REC, demands that Long provide financial records from the federation within two weeks, and refers him to the grievance committee that could suspend or remove him from any party offices now held.

Now, I don't mean to generalize that Republicans are racists, but I do think it's telling that at the meeting where the controversy took off, there is some question as to whether racial epithets were used against Long. Regardless of the racism, though, the controversy stems from Oliver's use of a loyalty oath to certify voters in the Orange County party election. A loyalty oath? Give me a break ...

And people wonder why I occasionally refer to Republicans as "fascist" ...

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* Basically, turning things all to shit.

Today's Daily Schadenfreude: the Florida Republican Party

My friend Virgotex points me to a very interesting article in today's St. Petersburg Times. Apparently the GOP in Florida is a wee bit nervous about their candidate's free-fall in the polls here and nationally ... nervous enough to hold a super-secret meeting that was, well, not so secret after all.

With some grass roots organizers complaining about coordination problems with the campaign, Republican Party chairman Jim Greer gathered top officials at the state headquarters in Tallahassee on Tuesday afternoon. He swore the group to secrecy.

When asked about it by the St. Petersburg Times, Greer confirmed the meeting. He largely declined to discuss what was said, but sought to play down any strife.

Over the course of an hour, described by some as tense, Greer offered a forceful assessment of where McCain stands in Florida and what needs to be done to win in a battleground state that could decide the election.

"I have a responsibility to make sure things are done right, and we win these campaigns," Greer said. "I'm sure everyone in the room understands that I take that responsibility very seriously."

One of the concerns has been the relationship between grass roots volunteers across the state and far fewer paid campaign staffers. Complaints range from not getting yard signs quickly enough to knowing who will speak at events and overall manpower coordination.

"The biggest challenge is communication," said state Rep. Ellyn Bogdanoff, R-Fort Lauderdale, who is involved in the campaign but was not at the meeting. She said the Broward County effort is running smoothly but that her overall impression is that state campaign officials are somewhat limited due to national directives.

This friction and fretting goes on all the time in stressful campaigns, and especially when one side's candidate has hit a rough patch, as McCain has. Buzz Jacobs, the campaign's Southeast regional director, who sat in on the meeting, denied any tension and declined comment.

Florida GOP chair Jim Greer reassures his fellow Republicans: "Remain calm! All is well!"

The wheels are coming off this campaign both nationally and in Florida, and the GOP knows it. No one wants to continue or exacerbate the economic woes that Huggy Bear's BFF Drunky McStagger has wrought on our nation, and watching Huggy himself face off in the debate against Barack Obama last Friday night showed the country just how petty, angry, and ill-prepared Huggy really is. The post-debate poll numbers dropped precipitously for the Republicans, and it's only going to get worse after tonight's show, the Sarah Palin Comedy Hour, with special guest star Joe Biden.

In addition, the Republican Party has never been good at utilizing the grassroots, especially with the advent of the Internet and the Blackberry, which Huggy himself apparently invented. So maybe some of the GOP's complaints are valid in terms of the grassroots being ignored. Remember, the Republicans' base isn't the grasroots -- it's the Wall Street fat cats and the nouveau riche in Boca Raton and the not-so-nouveau wealthy folks in Palm Beach. Frankly, it would be completely against character for the GOP to pay any attention to the "little people" in the grassroots.

Of course, the real reason for the emergency strategy meeting had nothing whatsoever to do with the grassroots. No, the real reason is that Huggy Bear is a crappy candidate who's running a crappy campaign, and every time he's on TV or in the news, it gets worse for him. On the other hand, Barack Obama is inspirational and motivational, and he really is the candidate of change -- change we so desperately need. It's laughable to see Huggy Bear's campaign claim that he will bring change to Washington -- hell, he's one of the chief reasons we need change!

So, to the Florida Republican Party, all I can do is point and laugh because you're inextricably saddled with the woeful record of your president and the ridiculous performance of your candidate. But perhaps you can find some solace in this small yet richly deserved award, because today's Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!