Too stupid to breathe: Rep. Jeff Miller (R-Dumbfuckistan)

The stupid is strong with this one.

Sometimes I wonder how U.S. Rep. Jeff Miller (R-Chumuckla ... that's right, Chumuckla) got elected to Congress in the first place. Then I remember who elected him ... what his district looks like. And suddenly I get it.

You see, one can keep one's mouth shut and be thought a fool. But yesterday, Jeff Miller got up on the floor of the House of Representatives and removed all doubt with regard to himself. And believe it or not, his fellow whackjob Christianists in Congress, the "Prayer Caucus," actually put the speech up on YouTube so the whole world could enjoy the lunacy:

Pandering is one thing, but making a complete travesty of fact and logic in order to do so, well, that takes special talent ... a talent Jeff Miller obviously has in copious amounts. You don't suppose the fact that Frank Lay and Robert Freeman are going to trial today had anything to do with Miller's epic oratory yesterday, do you?

Anyway, I'm going to have to give you the transcript of the speech, so you can get the full effect (italicized emphasis in original; boldface emphasis is mine):

Mr. Speaker, there is trouble brewing in the small community of Pace, Fla., a community of less than 8,000 people just south of my hometown, and full of hard-working Americans, where I believe that a federal judge has gone well outside the bounds of the Constitution to declare that prayer offered among adults is illegal. That's right: the judicial branch is once again trying to act like the legislative branch, and in doing so is hindering the First Amendment rights of Americans.

Mr. Speaker, I'm not a lawyer -- this is not a courtroom -- but as a member of Congress, I swore to support and defend the Constitution of the United States, so help me, God. That's what I intend to do.

The facts of the case in Does v. School Board of Santa Rosa County are clear. The federal district court, without a hearing, issued an injunction preventing any school employee from promoting or facilitating prayer at any school-sponsored event. That action alone tramples upon the First Amendment rights of a specific group of people, denying them the equal protection that's provided under the very Constitution that we believe in.

The same federal district court has now gone on to prohibit all employees from engaging in prayer or religious activities. The same court now thinks that Pace High School principal Frank Lay and athletic director Robert Freeman violated this injunction at a private event, with zero student participation. That the court would somehow consider this action to be criminal behavior [is un]conscionable. However, Frank Lay and Robert Freeman now face criminal contempt charges for praying before a meal that was to be shared. All of this despite the fact that the Supreme Court itself has found that the Free Speech Clause protects private religious speech. The Supreme Court has further gone to find that not all religious speech that occurs in public schools or at a school-sponsored event is attributable to the government.

As lawmakers, we cannot sit idly by and let this happen. As members of Congress, we must act to uphold the Constitution. And as Americans, we must fight to ensure that our rights to freedom of religion and freedom of speech are not taken away.

America is a nation of principles. We can sit here all night and argue about whether we are a nation of Judeo-Christian principles or of secular principles. But the fact is that our Constitution protects all Americans, and a court has no place deciding that some Americans do not warrant those protections. The Founding Fathers would be appalled, and I certainly am as well. I yield back ...

Now, it's tempting to take apart Rep. Pander's Miller's speech point-by-point, but anyone with half a brain can do that. Still, for the benefit of the wingnuts who lack that half-brain, a few pertinent points:

• If you're not a lawyer, then don't argue the law, dumbass. You "believe" the court went beyond the bounds of the Constitution? Do you believe in Santa Claus, too? You'd be just as credible if you do.
  


• No one makes the judicial branch act more like a legislative branch than some of the wingnuts on the U.S. Supreme Court, like Justice Antonin Scalia, who are notorious judicial activists. Bush v. Gore, anyone?


• The Constitution doesn't exist to protect the rights of the majority, Rep. Miller, but of the minority. No one's rights are being "trampled" by being forbidden to conduct organized prayer at a school-sponsored event; rather, the rights of non-Christians to not be subjected to such prayer ought to be the paramount concern. You should have learned that in civics class, congressman. Aren't you smarter than a fifth grader?


• A private event, with no students present? According to the complaint originally filed, the congressman is just flat-out wrong here:
  
  

  During a school-day luncheon on Wednesday, January 28, 2009, at the Dedication of the new Field House at Pace High School, Defendant Principal Frank Lay asked Robert Earl Freeman, Pace High Athletic Director, to offer a prayer to bless the food. See Ex. 86-02 at 1-4 (“In a traditional manner [Mr. Lay] asked Athletic Director, Robert Freeman to bless the food for the adults in attendance. Respectfully he responded to [Mr. Lay’s] request.” Id. at 1. “Principal Frank Lay asked [Mr. Freeman] to give thanks for our lunch, which [Mr. Freeman] did.” Id. at 2. “[Mr. Lay] asked Robert Freeman to ask a blessing on the food. [Mr. Lay] shared that [he is], and [was] at the date of this incident, aware of the court injunction and aware that this type of action is not permissible under the injunction.” Id. at p. 3.).
  
  Upon Mr. Lay’s request, Mr. Freeman offered a prayer at the event. Pace High students and faculty and community members were present at the Dedication of the new Field House. In response to Mr. Lay asking Mr. Freeman to pray and Mr. Freeman praying at a school event on Jan. 28, 2009, Defendant Superintendent instructed Mr. Lay and Mr. Freeman to “avoid this type of action as it not permitted or [sic] as per the attached injunction.” Ex. 86-02 at 3-4. Although the actions of Mr. Lay and Mr. Freeman appear to be in violation of the court’s preliminary injunction, Defendant Superintendent nevertheless ends his “reprimand” by thanking them “for [their] leadership at Pace High School.” Id.

  Seems pretty clear to me that the event was not private and students were there, unless Rep. Miller astonishingly has access to evidence that shows otherwise. I can't imagine the plaintiffs would have included it in their complaint if it weren't true, since it's so easy to prove or disprove objectively. Besides, even if students were not present, the luncheon still would be a "school-sponsored event," not a private one as he alleges, and this obviously is not "private religious speech" as Rep. Miller suggests. Again, Jeff: not lawyer? Don't argue law.


• It should go without saying that courts decide all the time that some Americans don't warrant certain protections. Time, place, and manner restrictions on free speech are just one basic example of how courts and the law restrain constitutional rights. I shouldn't expect Jeff Miller to know this but, as a member of Congress, it sure would be nice if he did.
  


• Finally (for the purposes of this post), the Founding Fathers would be delighted, not appalled, that their wishes had been carried out. For starters, read Jefferson's Virginia Statute for Religious Freedom, a significant source for the First Amendment, which spells out precisely why people should be free from having a particular set of religious beliefs imposed on them. Bottom line: this isn't a freedom-of-speech issue, and the only part of the First Amendment implicated here is the Establishment Clause, which the court is trying to uphold.

Sure, I'm a lawyer, but it took me all of five minutes to find most of this stuff on the Internet. You'd think a freakin' member of Congress could do it pretty easily, too. But, apparently that's not the case for my very own congresscritter, Jeff Miller, who clearly and painfully is too stupid to breathe.

UPDATE (9/17/09 11:17 am): I see someone from Reston, Va., near D.C., just stopped by to read this post, having found it on something called "ReputationConnect.com." You don't suppose Jeff is checking to see what people think of him, do you?

Ah, never mind ... I'm not even sure he knows how to pull stuff through the intertubes, because if he did, he could have debunked his whole speech in minutes, even before he delivered it.

Too stupid to breathe: Jay Wolff

Occasional Blast Off! commenter D.P., Clearwater Wingnut has brought my attention to today's letters to the editor in the Naples Daily News. The letters, which actually were posted last night, led off with a really odd missive about how they can't speak freely in Uzbekistan and so they wouldn't have a health care debate. Um, okaaaay ...

But what really caught my eye was this unhinged screed by one Jay Wolff of Naples, who unflinchingly spewed forth wingnut talking points in this classically fact-free letter:

Editor, Daily News:

The Obama administration has, indeed, moved the Census Bureau from the Commerce Department — where it was since it was created — into the White House.

The president signed the order on Jan. 27, in his first week. I wondered why.

I wondered why he put the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now (ACORN) in charge of the counting of the census.

July 30, on its own Web site, the Census Bureau announced that in the 2010 census it would count every resident of the United States, citizens and noncitizens. The count will control the apportionment of congressional districts for the 2010 elections.

If they include illegal aliens in that count, I understand why.

— Jay Wolff

Naples

Two assertions highlighted above: first, that the Census Bureau has been moved to the White House from Commerce, and second, that ACORN will be doing the counting. Now, how can I put this ... oh, I know: WRONG and WRONG.

It took me all of five seconds to go to the Census Bureau's website and see the link at the bottom to the U.S. Department of Commerce. But just to make sure, I dug a little deeper and found this:


What's that, Mr. Wolff -- a liberal conspiracy on the website? Or maybe, just maybe, you're a dumbass. You make the call ... (Also, I can't figure out what January 27 order Mr. Wolff may be referencing. Odds are he -- or Fox News -- just made that up, too.)

Turning now to ACORN ... okay, this took a little longer than five seconds to track down. More like twenty seconds:

Q: Is ACORN providing workers for the 2010 census?

A: No. ACORN employees will not be taking the census. The group is one of more than 30,000 "partners" that will help publicize the event.

The article continues:

We’ve received questions about ACORN’s activities in connection with the headcount ever since a Fox News story, headlined "ACORN to play role in 2010 census," appeared in March. As retold by and filtered through blogs and chain e-mails, the news left some people with the impression that ACORN, the liberal community organizing group whose voter registration activities became an issue in last year’s presidential campaign, would be a big player in running the census effort.

ACORN "will be in charge of going door-to-door and collecting data from the American public," said Rep. Michele Bachmann in mid-June. "This is very concerning." Saying she was worried about ACORN’s supposed involvement in gathering census data, the Minnesota Republican announced that she won’t participate in the census beyond answering how many individuals reside in her household, "because," she maintained, "the Constitution doesn’t require any information beyond that." Actually, the Constitution, under Article 1, Section 2, simply requires that an "enumeration" be done every 10 years to apportion the members of the House, but that it be done "in such manner" as Congress "shall by law direct." And Congress has seen fit to require everyone to answer truthfully whatever census questions they are asked, under threat of a $100 penalty for failure to answer and $500 for lying.

And Bachmann is flat wrong about ACORN going door-to-door and gathering data. Being "partners" with the Census Bureau doesn’t entail as close a relationship as one might think. For the most part it involves getting the word out that it’s important for everyone to participate in the decennial event that helps determine where federal money goes and how House of Representatives district boundaries are redrawn.

Michele Bachmann wrong? Who could have thought? Obviously not Jay Wolff, who, by virtue of his fawning reliance on the propaganda broadcast (and likely invented out of whole cloth) by Fox News, also is indisputably, inarguably, immutably wrong.

Which, in turn, makes Jay Wolff, according to Blast Off!'s rigorous standards, too stupid to breathe.

Too stupid to breathe: PolitiFact's mailbag correspondents

The St. Petersburg Times' Pulitzer Prize-winning political fact-checker website, PolitiFact, recently took on the right-wing idiots protesting President Obama's upcoming speech to students, and they correctly gave the GOP leadership, notably chief douchebag Jim Greer of Florida, the "Pants On Fire" designation for their lies that the president will "indoctrinate [students with] socialist ideology."

Yesterday, PolitiFact explained that their "mailbag" filled up with the angry responses of the rabid, deranged wingnuts:

Our item on a Republican complaint about President Obama’s upcoming speech to schoolchildren triggered some strong reactions:

"You people (the press) wouldn’t know the truth if it jumped up and bit you in the butt. We have avowed communists and racists in the White House. We have a regime that wants kids to pledge allegiance to Obama. We have a president that wants to destroy the business core of the country so he can redistribute the wealth.

"We have the worst unemployment in decades – and getting worse. We have a guy in the White House who want those that work to pay for those that don’t want to work and you want us to believe that he just wants to tell the kids to stay in school? What for, if they just quit school and do nothing – he’ll make sure they get a house, car, insurance and food. You folks (press) have lost your direction . . .

"Stand up, defend the country, defend the constitution, and defend the values that made this country the greatest country in the history of man. Then people will come back to you – I truly believe this."

I truly believe that whoever wrote this has no idea what the Constitution actually says. I also truly believe that this person gets his or her information pretty much solely from Fox News and Rush Limbaugh. I'd love to ask this brain-dead moron exactly who the "avowed communists and racists in the White House" are ... but, you know, backing up their assertions with actual facts is beyond the limited mental capacity of these degenerates.

The remainder of the unhinged, baseless diatribe basically speaks for itself. All in all, though, it proves beyond any doubt that this person would have been better served by not sending the email at all ... because by doing so, the correspondent demonstrates quite clearly that he/she is too stupid to breathe.

Too stupid to breathe: Anchorage mayor Dan Sullivan

Yes, I know this is a Florida blog and all that, but I've developed this strange fascination with America's 49th state ... or, more to the point, the peculiar brand of right-wing nutjob that the state seems to produce. Of course, the most famous example of that is former governor and erstwhile vice presidential candidate (can you even imagine?!) Sarah Palin, as chronicled here regularly. But ol' Sarah Clown Car is hardly the only tundra-tastic politician whose breathtaking ignorance ought to be revealed to the world in all its repulsive glory.

Today, Blast Off!'s popular widely loathed series "Too Stupid To Breathe" honors another Alaskan who might just have spent too much time outdoors without a warm hat: brand-new mayor of Anchorage Dan Sullivan. The mayor (right, needless to say), a Republican (also needless to say) who took office on July 1, put his apparently iced-in brain to work this week by vetoing a measure that would have outlawed discrimination against gay Anchorage...ites (Anchorageans? Anchoragers? Anchorsaweigh?). But the truly heinous thing about this, and the reason he earns the title Too Stupid To Breathe, is the rationale behind his decision (link is PDF): there's no evidence (says he) of discrimination against gays.

My review shows that there is clearly a lack of quantifiable evidence necessitating this ordinance. My review also shows that the vast majority of those who communicated their position on the ordinance are in opposition.

Note that Mayor Sullivan didn't say that a majority of people in Anchorage opposed the ordinance -- rather, only the majority of those who contacted the mayor's office opposed it (allegedly). I thought that it was the majority of the legislative body (in this case, the city Assembly) mattered more than who made the most phone calls or wrote the most angry, hate-filled letters and emails, but maybe I'm wrong. After all, Dan probably can see Russia from his office, so it's really not part of America anyway, right?

Also, the basic ignorance of reality in this instance by others who agree with the mayor is shocking even to someone like me, who should be used to the typical Republican aversion to facts by now:

Assembly Chairwoman Debbie Ossiander, a surprise vote against the measure last week, said she hasn't changed her mind.

Ossiander said she doesn't believe it's right to discriminate against gay people. But she said last week she feared that some language in the compromise might force businesses to create special facilities -- unisex bathrooms, for example.

Oh, no, we can't have unisex bathrooms! That's worse than socialism! (It's also a ludicrously stretched interpretation of gay rights legislation but, then, you already knew that.) You think Ms. Ossiander ought to get together with former Fort Lauderdale mayor Jim Naugle? They both have a peculiar obsession with gay rights and bathrooms .... Moreover, the unisex-bathroom argument sounds a lot like the one gay rights opponents used unsuccessfully in Gainesville, Fla., earlier this year. It's ignorant, it's childish, and it's wrong.

And get a load of this fucktard:

“This ordinance was going to force small-business owners particularly to accommodate people who choose a certain lifestyle,” said the Rev. Jerry Prevo, pastor of the Anchorage Baptist Temple and a leader of the measure’s opponents.

“Once you give special rights to homosexuals,” Mr. Prevo said, “then the next step is you legalize homosexual marriage and so forth.”

Well, yes, that is the next step! We should legalize same-sex marriage! Oh, wait ... that's not what he's saying ...

Anyway, Prevo is dredging up the old "lifestyle choice" argument and how people will be "forced" to accept gay people. Didn't we get past that, like, a couple of decades ago? Does anyone still argue legitimately that being gay is a choice? Would you choose to suffer through discrimination and be told that the rights straight people take for granted are "special rights" as far as you're concerned, and you're "forcing" others to tolerate you? No, I didn't think so ....

In short, Mayor Sullivan, whatever your "review" shows you, it shows the rest of us who live in reality that you're a bigot ... and you're also too stupid to breathe.

Too stupid to breathe: Lloyd McDonald

I'm starting to think that I could build an entire blog off of asinine letters to the editor, even just those here in America's Wang™. We certainly have more than our share of mouth-breathing Neanderthal lunatics who unfortunately can figure out how to send an email and thus display their astonishing stupidity for the world to see.

We've got another example of that today, and of all the idiotic fucktards who've ever been lampooned on this sucky blog, this guy may be the idiotic fucktardiest. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm disgusted to present Lloyd McDonald of Indialantic, Fla.:

Teachers should take 5% pay cut

Brevard County teachers are wringing their hands for the lack of money to fund education, yet I haven’t heard of one teacher who is willing to take a 5 percent pay cut to set an example.

No, they will watch their fellow teachers lose their jobs, see sports eliminated, and anticipate larger class sizes and elimination of buses, but teachers and their unions won’t discuss pay cuts as a partial solution to the educational financial crisis.

And what about the teachers’ obscene pension benefits, which cost the taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars each year?

Maybe if the teachers were willing to step up to the plate, the rest of the citizenry would be more willing to shoulder more taxes.

Lloyd McDonald
Indialantic

Mr. McDonald, are you a product of public schools? No, strike that: are you a resident of this planet? Because if you are, and you think public school teachers are overpaid, well, then you're too stupid even to be recognized as "too stupid to breathe." Nope, if you think that, then you're officially a fucking moron.

Holy fuck. I've heard of dumbass conservatives before, but this guy is the icing on the asshole wingnut cake. Look, Mr. McDonald, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to know that teachers are notoriously underpaid ... traditionally, they're considered among the most underpaid professions of all. Asking teachers to take a pay cut is the most ignorant, insensitive thing I've heard since Drunky McStagger urged America to cure our economic ills by going shopping.

As for "obscene pension benefits," teachers get a pension and other benefits (hardly "obscene" in amount, Lloyd, you douchebag) in large part because their salaries are so woefully inadequate. I used to be a public school teacher, Mr. McDonald, so I know what I'm talking about ... unlike you, sir. Your attitudes and those like yours, like the person whose comment I saw yesterday on television saying that he wouldn't pay more taxes for schools because he didn't have children in school, are a big reason why the country is in the mess we're in today, economically, culturally, and in comparison to other countries.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: conservatism is a fundamentally selfish ideology. And whether you have kids in schools or not, you should know teachers work far harder than their salaries justify ... and that spending money on education now brings significant long-term benefits, like keeping more kids out of jail, helping them learn trades and professions to contribute to the economy, and making them integral, valuable members of a civilized society. Do you have, or have you had, children in public schools, Mr. McDonald? I have children in public schools -- in Brevard County, no less -- and that gives me some insight on the subject ... insight you most likely lack. You're nothing but a selfish, ignorant imbecile, Mr. McDonald, and I'd gladly say that to your smug face if I have the chance.

Maybe you'll remember your deplorable attitudes in your dotage, Mr. McDonald. And maybe you'll be cared for by a doctor who was educated in part by one of those "obscenely" compensated teachers. And maybe, just maybe, you'll realize the critical service teachers provide in America ... and you'll take a moment to say thanks. Because right now, the only thing you say by sharing your despicable, ludicrous thoughts is that you're too stupid to breathe.

Too stupid to breathe: Chris Buttars

Is it just me, or does Chris Buttars bear an ironic resemblance to the notoriously self-loathing (and gay) longtime FBI director J. Edgar Hoover? Just saying ...

Sure, I delight in making fun of certain backwards, anachronistic attitudes in certain places in Florida (*cough* Santa Rosa County *cough*), but then I'm reminded that it always could be worse. For example, I could live in Utah, where state Sen. D. Chris Buttars gives a whole new meaning to "batshit crazy."

Buttars, (far right) a Republican (like you had to ask) legislator from West Jordan, near Salt Lake City, has developed quite a reputation for bigotry and hate during his eight years in the Utah Senate. Last year he referred to a school funding bill as a "black [baby] ... a dark, ugly thing," but he's directed his truly offensive statements towards the GLBT community.

Over time, he's called same-sex relationships "abominations" and has compared gay activists to Muslim radicals. But the man who once called the gay rights movement "probably the greatest threat to America" outdid himself recently when he spoke to Reed Cowan, a documentary filmmaker now based in Miami:

Buttars told Cowan the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community doesn't want "equality, they want superiority."

"It's the beginning of the end," the West Jordan Republican said. "Oh, it's worse than that. Sure. Sodom and Gomorrah was localized. This is worldwide."

On Wednesday, gay-rights activist Jacob Whipple, founder of the All For One Initiative, called for Buttars' resignation from the Senate, urging supporters of the LGBT community to e-mail Buttars and Senate President Michael Waddoups, R-Taylorsville.

"He basically labeled my community as virtually the devil incarnate," Whipple said. "I don't think that he represents Utah any more. … Saying something so hurtful has no place on the Hill."

Rep. Christine Johnson, a Salt Lake City Democrat and a lesbian, also labeled Buttars' statements "hurtful," adding that she expects Senate leadership to address the remarks "in a responsible and timely manner."

Sadly -- but predictably -- Rep. Johnson's pleas will go unheeded. Buttars' pals in the Senate are rallying to his defense. After all, he's only saying what Republicans are thinking anyway.

But Waddoups defended Buttars, saying the anti-gay comments did not violate any Senate rules. He suggested that Cowan, a former [Salt Lake City] reporter, has a "vendetta" against Buttars.

"It's just unfortunate in my mind that someone wants to continue to [hurt] someone by virtue of a person's position on the issues," Waddoups said.

Cowan, who is openly gay, countered Waddoups' accusation.

"That is a cowardly attempt to direct attention away from what was actually said," the filmmaker and Miami TV anchor said. "I believe the world that is now hearing the words of Senator Buttars will judge it the way they will."

Elsewhere in the Rocky Mountains, another well-known (and plausibly gay) Butters could not be reached for comment.

Perhaps Sen. Buttars (you'll note I haven't made fun of his richly ironic name even once!) needs to hear from more people. Conveniently, his contact information is available right there on the Utah Senate website. I'll just copy it over here for convenience ...

9241 South Lisa Ave.
West Jordan, Utah 84088
Home (801) 561-0535
Fax (801) 561-3242
Email dcbuttars@utahsenate.org

Not sure what to send him, but I'm skeptical that bags of shit will make it through the mail. We could always email him the Donnie Davies video ... but he'd probably enjoy it too much. At any rate, every time he opens his mouth, Sen. Buttars shows the world that he really is too stupid to breathe.

(h/t reader MWG)

Too stupid to breathe: Sid Dinerstein & L. Donald Jaffin

Today I bring you Blast Off!'s first "celebrity" Too Stupid to Breathe feature, as we welcome Palm Beach County Republican Party grand poobah Sid Dinerstein to the stage, along with fellow letter writer L. Donald Jaffin of Jupiter.

Yesterday (yeah, I know, I didn't get to it yesterday -- so sue me), each of these dolts had a letter published in the Palm Beach Post, excoriating those who accuse Republicans of being racist, especially in light of their embraced-him-before-rejecting-him flip-flop over avowed white supremacist Derek Black, who was elected to the county Republican Executive Committee.

I knew it was going to be a problem (and by "problem," I mean "hilarious laugh riot") as soon as I read the headline: Republicans judge by character, not color. Excuse me? The party that literally survives on keeping minorities down, opposing immigration, and gutting public education doesn't judge by color? Yeah, I know ... and it gets worse in the letters themselves.

Let's start with Silly Sid:

Let's be clear: Only one major political party judges people by the content of their character, not the color of their skin. That would be the Republican Party. So when Mr. Black came knocking, we pulled in the welcome mat. But how about the Democrats, whose message seems to attract all the right people? When hatemongers Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton came knocking, the Democrats didn't just put out the welcome mat, they made them kingmakers. When former Ku Klux Klan member Robert Byrd came knocking, they made him "the conscience of the Senate."

Jackson and Sharpton are "hatemongers" now? Right -- and Trent Lott, Virgil Goode, and Jerry Falwell are/were choirboys. Surrrrrrrrrrre. You'd better be careful in your glass house, there, Sid.

But let's leave it to the Republicans to drag out the ol' "Robert Byrd was in the KKK" shtick again. Never mind the fact that Byrd repeatedly and vociferously has repented for his brief time in the KKK, while longtime Republican senator Strom Thurmond, who ran for president in 1948 on the openly segregationist "Dixiecrat" ticket, never recanted his racist views, and in fact was applauded for them by Trent Lott himself.

And, while we're at it, let's make sure we beat the dead horse of the Byrd allegations. Mr. Jaffin, you're up:

The Post should be embarrassed. [Post columnist Frank] Cerabino unmercifully attacked Chairman Sid Dinerstein and the Palm Beach County Republican Party for their efforts to block the seating of a Ku Klux Klan supporter as a member of the party's [e]xecutive committee. Perhaps Mr. Cerabino would have been more complimentary if we acted like the Democratic Party, which he and The Palm Beach Post adore and have heaped accolades on U.S. Sen. Robert Byrd, D-W.Va., a former member of the Klan.

I guess like everything else these days, racism is okay if you're a Republican, right, Mr. Jaffin? At least Democrats didn't elect a current, open racist (despite Black's protestations that he's merely a "white person concerned about discrimination against white people") to a leadership position in their party. Jeebus, you're dumb ...

Anyway, enjoy the next eight years, Messrs. Dinerstein and Jaffin. Not only are the grown-ups taking over on January 20, the lead grown-up is a ni--[GONG!] ... I said the lead grown-up is near. How does that feel? Or are you even aware that change is in the air? After all, you two officially are too stupid to breathe.

Too stupid to breathe: Kenneth Pocsi

We haven't had a "Too Stupid to Breathe" here at Blast Off! in a while, so it's a good thing that Kenneth Pocsi of Palm Beach Gardens has come along to end the drought.

Mr. Pocsi, who, if memory serves, has had his frothy rantings published in the Palm Beach Post fairly regularly (I seem to remember the name), hits us today (fourth letter down at the link) with the already-tired-and-clichéd complaints about Barack Obama's choices having nothing to do with the "change" he promised. But what's really funny (and by "funny," I mean colossally ignorant) about Pocsi's idiotic spew is how he manages to frame the Clinton administration:

For the past 18 months or so we all have been subjected to, injected with and immersed in Barack Obama's vision of total change, no more business as usual, no more mistakes of the past and a fresh way of governing.

But as I struggle to follow the news to get a preview of what the face of the new Washington is going to look like, I see nothing but Clinton retreads all over the place. I thought that liberals were supposed to be smarter than us conservative Republicans and that they have the ability to think more independently and more progressively than the rest of us. But behold, this new administration is shaping up like the old Dem-Lib ones of the past, those who in the '90s gave us higher taxes, fought against welfare reform, attempted socialized medicine and did nothing to protect us against the terrorists who planned the attacks in New York and at the Pentagon.

These are but a few lowlights of what I think we all have to look forward to again. Congratulations to all those who voted for this new visionary. You all wanted to make history. Well, you did. God help us all.

KENNETH POCSI
Palm Beach Gardens

Is it possible to be that dumb and still maintain basic life functions? Mr. Pocsi gives us enough evidence to answer that question in the affirmative.

Before I go after the moronic attacks on Clinton, though, I want to emphasize one thing -- something I think every wingnut and Republican needs to be reminded of (and by "reminded of," I mean "bashed over the head with a baseball bat until they get this through their thick skulls"): by change, Obama means a new direction from the last eight years of disastrous government! This has nothing whatsoever to do with any administrations that came before! Would you say that when Drunky McStagger surrounded himself with retreads from the Nixon administration (Nixon?! Are you fucking kidding me?!) like Dick "Dick" Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, that wasn't a change from the Clinton years? I'd say that was pretty profound change indeed -- destructive, yes, but also profound.

See, the problem is that so-called conservative Republicans like you, Mr. Pocsi, don't know the meaning of the word "change." You'd rather stick with the status quo, even if it continues to drive the country off a cliff. After all, that's the very definition of "conservative" -- looking backward, sticking with policies and positions -- and leaders -- even when they are demonstrable and complete failures.

As for going after Clinton (let's remember something here, folks: Clinton left office almost eight years ago! Let it go already! By the time President Obama completes his second term, there will be an entire generation that barely remembers the Clinton years! Yet like the Southerners who are still fighting the Civil War, you just can't seem to move on. Again, a common symptom of conservatism ...

Higher taxes? Yeah, those Bush tax cuts sure have helped the economy, haven't they? "Socialized medicine?" We could have spent the money we've wasted in Iraq on health care for all Americans and still had plenty left over to shore up our crumbling public education system. It's not "socialized" medicine, Mr. Pocsi -- it's civilized medicine.

But I've saved the best for last: according to Mr. Pocsi's extraordinarily inaccurate misperception of recent history, the Clinton administration "did nothing to protect us against the terrorists who planned the attacks in New York and at the Pentagon." Who was president on 9/11, Mr. Pocsi? More to the point, who was president on August 6, 2001, and received the President's Daily Briefing telling him that bin Laden was "determined to strike in [the] U.S."? In short, who had all the power, all the ability, and indeed all the knowledge to prevent the attacks, yet did nothing? You and I both know that answer, Mr. Pocsi.

Stupid as powerful as this really needs a new descriptive word, something like "idioignoradumb." But for now, we'll just have to recognize Kenneth Pocsi for what his letter to the editor today truly reveals him to be: too stupid to breathe. Just be glad that, beginning on January 20, the grown-ups will be in charge again.

Too stupid to breathe: Shirley Nagel

Once again, I'm not entirely sure whether this falls under the category of "stupid" or merely malicious. But either way, Shirley Nagel of Grosse Pointe Farms, Mich., is a nasty, pathetic individual.

Nagel, a supporter of Huggy Bear, declared that only certain children -- namely, those whose parents shared her limited, closed-minded ideology -- would get Halloween candy at her home last Friday night:

Fox 2 News says a sign posted outside Nagel's house, about 12 miles west of Detroit, served notice to all trick-or-treaters. It read: "No handouts for Obama supporters, liars, tricksters or kids of supporters."

Nagel tells WJBK-TV that "Obama's scary." When asked about children who'd been turned away empty-handed and crying, she said: "Oh well. Everybody has a choice."

Okay. It's one thing, say, if you jokingly -- or not -- refuse to let Obama supporters park in your parking lot. But to send children away crying without candy? How much of a black, smoldering mass do you have where your heart should be, Shirley?

I'm sorry. Say what you will about my candidate ... hell, say what you will about me ... but leave my kids out of it. And that goes for every child in Grosse Pointe Farms who had the misfortune of encountering Shirley Nagel, the Wicked Witch of Wayne County, on Friday night.

Too stupid to breathe: John Stemberger

I'm not sure whether this falls into the category of "too stupid to breathe" or just "Fucking Asshole of the Day," but John Stemberger surely qualifies for the latter if not both.

Stemberger is the right-wing hatemonger (sorry to be redundant) behind Amendment 2, which would enshrine the already-existing ban on gay marriage in Florida's constitution. And he also is a massive fucking idiot.

Get a load of the shit Stemberger's spewing now:

John Stemberger, the force behind the proposed anti-gay marriage constitutional amendment on the Nov. 4 ballot, cited cases in other states where similar proposals failed, resulting in teachers of students as young as 7 years old using books about same-sex marriage to promote diversity in families.

But, unlike in Connecticut, Massachusetts and California, where gay marriage was upheld by the courts, Florida has already outlawed same-sex marriages in state statutes.

That's not enough, argued Stemberger, head of yes2marriage.org and other organizations asking voters to approve the amendment. The constitutional provision is necessary to prevent judges from permitting gays to marry, he said. The result in other states, Stemberger said, is "an affront to parents' rights."

Stemberger trotted out some other fucked-up fundie whackjobs from Massachusetts who were "dismayed" to learn that their son's second-grade teacher read from a book where one prince married another prince after being rejected by a series of princesses.

Well, John, so fucking what? In essence, what Stemberger's saying -- and, presumably, all the supporters of Amendment 2 believe -- is that if this amendment fails, our children all will turn gay. Horrors! Where are my pearls to clutch?

The per sé absurdity of that argument hardly needs to be addressed but, for the sake of any other fundie whackjobs who may be reading this: YOU DON'T "TURN" GAY, you stupid, insipid fucktards. Nothing a student hears or reads will have any effect on whether or not that student is gay. Jesus H. Christ in a feather boa and tiara, how many fucking times do we have to say that before you'll finally get it through your unfathomably thick skulls?!?

These people are morons, plain and simple ... hateful, deranged, bigoted, ignorant morons. And John Stemberger outranks them all -- he's the real Mayor of Simpleton.

Recent polls show Amendment 2 with around 53% support, well short of the 60% needed for passage. Yep, looks like there's gonna be a hell of a lot of schadenfreude to go around on November 5 ... (but don't forget to VOTE!)

Too stupid to breathe: Mark Ciptak

Congratulations to Mark Ciptak of Elizabethton, Tenn., whose stupidity is almost too great to be believed.

Without his wife's knowledge, he named their newborn daughter "Sarah McCain Palin Ciptak."

[The new name] isn’t the name he and his wife originally agreed on. And it isn’t the name his wife, Layla, thought the baby was given.

“We actually came up with the name Ava Grace, and I secretively went and got another set of forms to send to (Social Security officials and the Tennessee Department of Health), and as of this time, she (Layla) still doesn’t realize what I’ve done. I haven’t broken the news to her yet,” Ciptak said.

“As of right now, I’m just trying to get up enough nerve to tell her what I’ve done and hope for the best. I hope I’m still living to tell the tale tomorrow. She thought it was a done deal with Ava Grace.

“Only some friends and family members who I have called for prayer support know at this point.”

Later in the day, Mark did break the news to Layla.

[...]

“I took one for the cause,” said Ciptak. “I can’t give a lot of financial support for the (McCain/Palin) campaign. I do have a sign up in my yard, but I can do very little. Is this going to change the course of the election? I doubt it. But it’s something that I did to help out the campaign and the cause. … This is a little token to the McCain camp, and we are strong supporters of that ticket.”

Nice going, Mark. You do realize, don't you, that if you hadn't pulled this asinine stunt, you wouldn't have had to reach out for "prayer support?" And you're strong supporters of the GOP ticket? Wow, I never would have guessed ...

Of course, eventually the girl will just be plain ol' Sarah Ciptak and probably no one will remember what a massive douchebag her father was, but saddling her with middle names that soon will be relegated to the dustbin of history, well, that's downright cruel.

Just ask 12-year-old Fred Dole Kemp Garvin of Provo, Utah.*

(h/t Eschaton commenter Hesiod)

---

* I'm kidding.

Too stupid to breathe: Bennett Yeilding

Usually this Blast Off! feature highlights someone who is just dumb beyond all reasonable measure, like yesterday when Tim Henderson, whose parking lot was off-limits to Obama supporters, took the "honor."

Today, though, I'm not sure whether the honoree is stupid or just ignorant on an epic scale. Maybe you can help me decide ...

Take a look at this letter to the editor (fourth one down at the link) in today's Palm Beach Post:

As I seek information about each candidate for president, I have come to several conclusions. The most obvious is that The Post is for Barack Obama.

As to the attack on Sarah Palin, the Democrats should be embarrassed to tears. I think the American public sees in her an opportunity to have a voice in Washington. She is Mom, apple pie and USA all in one package. My only hope is that she doesn't let Washington change her, and I don't think she will.

BENNETT YEILDING
Okeechobee

Okay, Mr. Yeilding, first question: do you have electricity in Okeechobee? I mean, is that why you obviously haven't seen the poll numbers, the reports, the debates, for Christ's sake?! Because the truth is that Sarah Palin clearly is not ready for prime time. "Mom, apple pie and USA all in one package?" Holy shit, dude, I'll have what you're smoking ...

The "American public" actually sees in Palin a threat to basic American values: freedom from (as well as of) religion, a woman's right to choose, and even the right to have someone intelligent leading the country (which we've forsaken, to our detriment, for the last eight years). I don't know which "American public" you're looking at, but poll after poll indicates that the public doesn't trust Sarah Palin to "have a voice in Washington."

Some might call you ignorant, Mr. Yeilding, but ultimately I think you're just stupid. Either way, I agree that your heroine, the equally stupid-or-ignorant (or both) Sarah Palin, won't let Washington change her. Fortunately for the country, she'll never have that chance.

Too stupid to breathe: Tim Henderson

Believe it or not, some Huggy Bear supporters are not completely insane. Indeed, some of them are my friends and my family members. They have their reasons for being Republicans, and while I may not agree with them, I respect their choices.

And then there's this guy in Gibsonville, N.C., who's just a fucking asshole. He posted signs on the parking lot he operates telling Obama supporters that they're not welcome there:

What an idiot this Tim Henderson is. He's the kind of guy whom I'd like to see after the Obama landslide victory on November 4, just so I can laugh right in his smug fucking face. Even if he did finally take the signs down at the behest of his friend (and Obama supporter), Gibsonville mayor Lenny Williams, Henderson's still a prick. It's a good thing the hood he undoubtedly wears hides his identity ...

UPDATE (12:28 pm 10/10/08): I was just reminded about the best quote of all from Henderson in that video. He "takes offense" to Obama running for president. Takes offense?! Jesus. I take offense that I have to share a planet with that fucking moron Tim Henderson.

(h/t commenter D.P., Clearwater WingNut, via email)

"Cat" replies

How about a hearty laugh for your Monday morning?

Yesterday's "Too stupid to breathe" honoree, whom I've called "Cat," replied when I notified her that I'd commemorated her idiocy with a blog post. And here is that timeless, incisive, cutting reply, reproduced exactly as sent:

Since you had a reading comprehension problem with my support statement, I will talk to you as if we were in a bar (which IM sure you frequent often). I will provide you with run on sentences, no paragraphs and as many misspelled words as possible so you can understand me. Though you do reveal a respect for my statement IM sure your not smart enough to understand (copied my statement from someone else is a compliment dopey). Whew, you are such an angry little socialist! Of course I have not done a scientific poll, but that is all I ever observe from those of the extreme left wing, intolerance, profanity, violence and no room at the inn for anyone different. Of course, that is how all socialist governments operate. Your attitude towards others with a different opinion would serve you well in many countries run by dictators! Such intolerance for a mere statement of opinion of a fellow American, thank God you and I are not in one of those countries, IM sure you would have me shot for voicing my opinion? I thought you leftist were all for tolerance? And the profanity only serves to show what you really are, you might reconsider using it as it shows a moron out of control! This is all I have to say to you as facts would only serve to bore you. IM sure you get your facts from one of your tolerant leftist web sites. I will conclude in stating one fact, you are the definition of a liberal elitist snob, not to mention IQ challenged. The facts for this is that you have no idea who I am and you have no idea what gender I am. And to insult the masses that shop at Walmart, well what does that say about you my little friend?
I would have voted for Hillary, but noooooo, so you get comrade Obama from the corrupt Chicago political machine. BTW, just one other current fact genius, it is the congress that is passing the bailout act, the president merely signs it or not when it gets to his desk, whew! Understand one thing, a liberal socialist will never be elected in this country. The Dem's need to wake up and smell the Democracy! See ya Donkey elitist liberal banana head!

All I can say is, thanks for proving my point. And so, here's an open letter to Cat:

---

Dear Cat:

Everything you said was pretty much precisely the opposite of what one would say in an actual debate. Your spelling and grammar, Cat, reveal you to be exactly what I surmised you were: an undereducated, underinformed Wal-Mart shopper. Frankly, I'm surprised you even know how to turn on your computer, let alone actually send e-mails. (Then again, that does put you one step ahead of Huggy Bear.) And as for insulting Wal-Mart shoppers, I'm referring more to the mouth-breathing morons who think Wal-Mart is the end-all and be-all of existence and who contribute to the degradation of our economy and culture by giving them more and more money to pump into right-wing causes.

You have got to be kidding me regarding the bailout! The facts are that it's being proposed by the Bush crime syndicate through the Secretary of the Treasury, Henry Paulson, and while it's true that Congress has to pass it first, that doesn't help your position, because I think the Democrats in Congress have capitulated (that means "given in," Cat) to pretty much everything the Republicans have wanted for the last two years and, therefore, the Democrats in Congress, especially the leadership, are just about as incompetent as "your" president and "your" candidate.

What's so wrong with socialism, by the way? Your president and his advisors are embracing it wholeheartedly today! Good thing Obama's no socialist, though -- if he were, he wouldn't have voted for FISA, among other things, and for that matter, he'd never have been nominated. Socialism as an economic theory has its advantages -- the problem is that people like you think that anything that helps the less fortunate through the federal government is "socialist." Get a grip and emerge from your Limbaugh-soaked imagery long enough to recognize what and who really is "socialist" ...

IQ-challenged? I don't even know where to go from there. If you only knew ... Oh, and regarding "elitist," to paraphrase Jon Stewart, I thought "elite" meant "good?" And as for the profanity, well, welcome to my blog. Proudly uncivil. Sometimes profanity is the only way to respond cogently to idiots like you. And just to correct one typo -- when you said "socialism" embraced intolerance and violence and "no room at the inn for anyone difference," obviously you meant "fascism," as in what the Republicans advocate.

Sure you would have voted for Hillary. Did you vote for her in the Democratic primary? If not, kindly shut the fuck up and keep your lies to yourself.

Oh, and of course I wouldn't have you shot for voicing your opinion. I'm extremely tolerant, actually. You're perfectly entitled to screech your nutjob tirades from the mountaintops for all I care. Just stop sending them to me in my e-mail.

Love,
Donkey elitist liberal banana head

P.S. I hope you'll call in to my radio show this afternoon. I'd love to hear from you and even debate you on the air.

P.P.S. You wrote, and I quote verbatim, "Though you do reveal a respect for my statement IM sure your not smart enough to understand (copied my statement from someone else is a compliment dopey)." Don't ever lecture me about reading comprehension and writing skill. Seriously. Learn to write English.

P.P.P.S. When I cast my vote for Barack Obama in November, thereby cancelling out your own, I'll be thinking of you. And laughing.

Too stupid to breathe: "Cat"

This time it's not a letter writer to City Link, like last week's "Too stupid to breathe" honorees, Jorge Velez and Gerry Watts. No, today I bring you an e-mail sent directly to me.

I'm going to call the author of this unbelievably stupid missive "Cat," because I'm not into revealing people's identities when they aren't already revealed. However, it's interesting to note a couple of things about Cat, whose identity was readily available after just a couple of minutes of Googling:

• Her last name happens to be the same as a prominent New York family -- an aristocratic New York family -- wealthy, well-known, and historic enough to have a mansion named for them. The family probably hobnobbed with Rockefellers and Roosevelts, Astors and Lodges ... so it's instructive to read her e-mail with that in mind.


• Her e-mail address comes from the domain wmconnect.com. That's Wal-Mart's ISP domain. Yep, our correspondent is a proud, and no doubt frequent, Wal-Mart shopper. Kinda counter to her aristocratic heritage, but ideologically, it's right in character.


• She's in the residential real estate business in Florida, which has been completely in the tank thanks to the GOP destruction of the economy both nationally and in this state, so either she's willfully blind or she's constantly wondering why she can't sell a fucking house.

So, without further ado, I give you, unedited and unexpurgated, the words of "Cat," as she proves herself too stupid to breathe! (The first person to find an actual fact in Cat's statement wins the internets.)

One would assume that Governor Sarah Palin’s candidacy would usher in both figurative and literal feminist change to politics which is long overdue.

We have seen from the political left feminist a campaign of veiled sexist remarks. From the men on the left we see a more furious reaction to a woman for whom they hold in utter contempt, exclaiming slogans of "she should be home taking care of her children." From the elite media, we watch as they illuminate false information dredged from simple bloggers without ascertaining supportive facts as well as exaggerating any controversy.

Could it be the left is not championing truth, justice and the American way, say it aint so! All of the lefts efforts have only culminated in pulling back the curtain on their movement. What they are really after is what all socialist governments want, control of their citizens. One should ponder this, a government big enough to give you everything is also big enough to take everything away!

Incredulously, you will hear much about McCain & Palin not being Mavericks, just the same old. The truth is, they are well known fighters against the system. Just ask both Republicans and Democrats that have had to cross swords with them. Neither are popular with the power players in both the Republican and Democratic party, however both receive grudging respect for their independence.

Having investigated the facts surrounding Governor Sarah Palin, I must admit it brought a tear to my eye. Why? I have been waiting decades while wading through the troth of choices for the lesser evil to cast my vote for. I thought the institution of politics had changed from what our founders had predicated it on to simply a self serving goal. Long ago I gave up the belief anyone with the principle's of a Sarah Palin or a John McCain could ever get elected to lead our country.

We have now two heroes to cast our vote for, it is raining red, white and blue, God Bless America!

Now, at the outset, I hesitate to give Cat credit for actually writing this. It smacks of talking points and blast faxes, and I doubt Cat has the mental acuity to use words like "figurative," "exaggerating," and "get." Then again, transposing apostrophes from "aint" and "lefts," where they belong, to "principle's," obviously meant to be a plural word rather than a possessive, is a pretty good indication that we have a Real Live Wal-Mart Shopper writing to us.

On to the deconstruction, which as with Jorge and Gerry, is almost unfairly easy ...

First off, Cat, why would one assume that Sarah Palin's candidacy would "usher in both figurative and literal feminist change to politics?" Given Gov. Palin's consistent opposition to women's rights, exemplified in part by her opposition to a woman's right to choose and her heinous, despicable decision as mayor of Wasilla, Alaska to make rape victims pay for their own so-called "rape kits" to preserve evidence, I actually would assume just the opposite: that Gov. Palin is categorically opposed to "both figurative and literal feminist change [in] politics." Of course, Cat, when you can't read the big words, it must be hard to understand ...

What are the "veiled sexist remarks," Cat, and who are the "political left feminist[s]" to whom you refer? I haven't seen any sexism from the Left, but I've sure seen it from the mainstream corporate media (witness a vast majority of coverage of Hillary Clinton's campaign for the Democratic presidential nomination) and from your own superannuated presidential candidate, who didn't hesitate to call his wife a "cunt" in public. Sexist? Thy name is Republican. No one that I know of on the Left is calling for Gov. Palin to stay home and take care of her children. In fact, just yesterday I quoted a Republican from Largo, Fla. (rather near your home, eh, Cat?) who questioned Gov. Palin's ability to govern while being a mother. No, those concerns aren't coming from the Left -- we're too busy cataloguing all of Gov. Palin's batshit crazy beliefs and political experience to worry about her parenting skills too much.

Oh, and please don't complain to me about socialism and big government when your heroes, the Bush crime syndicate, are proposing a $700 billion buyout of failed banks and financial institutions in what can only be described as corporate socialism. Your guys left the "small government" mantle behind long, long ago.

"Well known fighters against the system?" Let's see ... Huggy Bear votes with Drunky McStagger 90% of the time and Sarah Clown Car was for the Bridge to Nowhere before she was against it. Boy, if that's "fight[ing] against the system," I'm sure glad they're not part of the system!

And that last big paragraph ("Having investigated the facts ...") -- okay, I don't even understand what the fuck you are saying there. "Troth of choices?" You copied that from somewhere, didn't you, Cat? But don't despair, you poor, deluded woman: plenty of people with the principles of McCain and Palin -- corruption, selfishness, graft, greed, cash before country -- have led this country! Hell, two of 'em are "leading" this country right now -- leading us right into depression and war, but "leading" us nonetheless!

Your conclusion -- "We have now two heroes to cast our vote for, it is raining red, white and blue, God Bless America" -- well, I don't even know what to say, except that if you think Huggy and Clown Car are "heroes," you obviously are so poorly educated, so pitifully ignorant, that I feel almost guilty taking apart your jingoistic, laughably idiotic screed.

Almost.

Because, after all, Cat, some people are just too stupid to breathe. Welcome to the club.

Too stupid to breathe: Gerry Watts

Just when I thought it was safe to read City Link again after they published last week's moronic screed about Sarah Palin comes another MBF (moronic brownshirt fuck) trying to defend the Sweetheart of the Red-eo, once again published in CL as a response to Dan Sweeney's excellent deconstruction of the Palin phenomenon. I shouldn't complain -- Sweeney warned me via e-mail. But still, the depth of stupid that is required to write such a letter (scroll down to "Reader's Corner") is truly remarkable.

Here's the letter, like last week's, in its entirety, which is the only way you fully can appreciate the essence of wingnut.

I recently read Dan Sweeney's Sept. 3 column ["Mixed nut"] and found it extremely insulting. I am a white, fairly moderate Democrat and a former Hillary Clinton supporter, though I will always support her. I would like to know what qualifies Sweeney to trash Sarah Palin and call her a nut? That is un-American and just plain not nice. What state has he ever run? Is he as smart as Palin? Barack Obama and Joe Biden between them have never run a business or been a CEO of anything. I find when people are attacked, it's because the attacker is feeling threatened. I don't see Sweeney attacking Michelle Obama for what she said about her country. Wow! What a first lady she would make!

I could give you a million reasons why I wouldn't vote for Obama. I just plain don't trust him. Talk about your Manchurian Candidate. Anyone can give a good speech. He gives a great one but says nothing. Where is his experience? No one can answer that but they sure attack Palin, who has more experience.

One thing no one can deny: John McCain is honest, patriotic and a true American. I didn't like when Hillary was criticized, when they tore down Bill Clinton and now this poor woman. What is so bad about being pro-life? Her baby would be dead if it was up to Sweeney. He is the nut.

Barack Obama is no JFK. Michelle Obama is no Jackie. For the first time in my life, I will be voting Republican on Nov. 4, as will my family — all 72 of them.

Gerry Watts
Boca Raton

One thing I'll give the Republicans credit for: they do a bang-up job of twisting words into something not meant by the speaker, but declared to be Bad and Un-American and Insulting by those in the know (meaning, of course, themselves). The Michelle-Obama-hates-America thing keeps on going, even though her exact quote -- "For the first time in my adult lifetime, I'm really proud of my country" -- never even insinuated that she hates America and, indeed, it's a fairly defensible position to take after, for example, the years of Reagan and Bush and the Clinton administration dogged by a right-wing Congress. Another example: the "lipstick on a pig" kerfuffle, wherein Barack Obama used that common saying appropriately and generically to criticize Huggy Bear's choice of Palin as a running-mate, but the wingnuts wailed and gnashed their teeth and rent their garments, contending that he was calling Palin herself a "pig." It must suck to be as delusional as a Republican.

But I digress ... let me get back to today's powerful stupid, courtesy of Gerry Watts.

First and foremost, you've got the PUMA issue right at the outset -- the (alleged) Hillary Clinton supporters who are So Fucking Mad At Obama that they won't vote for him and, in some cases, claim that they will vote for Huggy ... even though Sen. Clinton herself continues to urge her supporters to do the smart thing and vote for Sen. Obama, whose positions are so much closer to hers than are Huggy Bear's that it's laughable to even consider voting for Huggy.

Again, credit where credit is due: Huggy Bear chose a batshit crazy woman, true -- but he chose a woman, thereby intentionally muddying the water and trying to attract voters -- PUMAs and others -- who see Sarah Palin only as a vaginal-American and not as the borderline insane, secession-advocating, grudge-holding, silly-name-giving person she really is.

(By the way, my friend NTodd will be examining the PUMA phenomenon today on his radio show, PaxLive, at 3pm Eastern -- don't miss it!)

Dammit, I did it again ... okay, back to Watts.

Has Sweeney ever run a state? No. Have you, Gerry? No. Neither have I. But none of us are trying to be vice president, and for that high a position, generally it takes more than two years running a tiny (population-wise) state as a personal fiefdom, preceded by four years as the near-totalitarian mayor of a town small enough to fit completely in most Florida high school football stadiums.

Which brings us to the experience question. Somehow, Republicans (and deluded alleged Democrats like you, Gerry) seem to think that Barack Obama just fell out of the sky when he was elected to the U.S. Senate in 2004. They conveniently forget, for starters, the nearly eight years he previously spent as a state senator in Illinois. He took office there in 1997, at which time Sarah Palin had been mayor of Wasilla, Alaska (population in 2000, 5,469; population in 1990, 4,028) for a year, after four years on the Wasilla City Council. By way of comparison, the average population of an Illinois state senate district is over 217,000. While Obama was a student at Harvard Law School, Palin was a sports reporter for an Anchorage television station. So, Gerry, you can take your experience argument and shove it up your ass. "Where is his experience?" Well, now you know -- if you followed my directions, it's up your ass.

And you say, Gerry, apparently without irony, "John McCain is honest." Well, maybe that depends on your definition of "honest." Can a candidate for president lie 60 times (to date) during his campaign and still be "honest?" If so, Gerry, then I guess you're right, by your standards. But I think most people would look at 60 lies and declare the person who told those lies "dishonest."

"What is so bad about being pro-life?" Well, frankly, nothing especially, I suppose. The problem is when the pro-life people tell the pro-choice people that they aren't allowed to make decisions about their own bodies. If you're pro-life, that's cool. Just don't tell women that you deserve to have control over their bodies! That's what Sarah Palin wants, you know -- for herself and her political cronies to have control over the bodies of American women. That's not pro-life -- that's pro-Nazi, Gerry.

"Barack Obama is no JFK. Michelle Obama is no Jackie." Nice strawman there, Jackie. Did anyone claim they were? No. You just made that shit up out of thin air so you could use your own strawman to oppose the Obamas. Frankly, Gerry, your argument skills suck ass. I mean, even fucking Jorge Velez, stupid though he was, could put together a cogent -- albeit fucking ridiculous -- argument.

And 72 members of your family? What are you, the Osmonds? Actually, given your hypermoralistic, shallow, oblivious opinions, that actually would make some sense.

Please shut the fuck up, Gerry Watts. Oh, and Dan Sweeney? Please ask your editors not to publish anymore batshit crazy letters from people attacking your column. I mean, I know morons like that are out there ... I don't have to be reminded how stupid they are every week in City Link! (Thanks in advance ...)

Too stupid to breathe: Jorge Velez

For the latest honoree in an occasional series on Blast Off!, I'm pleased to declare Jorge Velez of Fort Lauderdale too stupid to breathe.

Mr. Velez earned this distinction thanks to a letter he wrote (scroll down about halfway, to "Readers' corner") that was published in the current issue of City Link magazine here in America's Glans™. In it, Mr. Velez tries valiantly to defend Sarah Palin against the slings and arrows of, well, truth, but naturally he fails miserably.

Here's the letter in its entirety. It's just too good to edit (except for emphasis, all of which is mine):

I was really looking forward to [Dan Sweeney's] column on John McCain's choice for vice president ["Mixed nut," Danation, Sept. 3], but I could not stomach the entire thing. It was more gossipy than anything else, sort of a girls-trash-talking conversation in a locker room, especially the [girls] who get upset that a good-looking girl with a C-cup can get As in class or do good in sports without sleeping with the entire team or half the male faculty.

You liberals complain about McCain being too old but don't complain about Joe Biden being old. You guys complain about Sarah Palin smoking pot but don't complaint about Barack Obama doing lines of coke. She is actually the only one with any executive experience out of all of them. I take it you'd rather have her be the governor of New Jersey or Delaware or another state with an economy driven by food stamps and welfare. You want cheaper oil but you don't want to drill for it. You dwell on campaigns or cars running on methane, air or water. Maybe they should run on methane produced from farts.

Your Manchurian candidate sure looks the part and, yeah, he is a hell of a public speaker, just like Mussolini and Hitler — you missed that comparison in your flawed article. I personally don't like anything or anyone rammed down my throat, but I am sure you feel different.

As a repressed homosexual, you feel compelled to attack a woman who grew out of juvenile liberalism and raised a family and had kids and lives a good life. A conventional lifestyle is always the hardest to tolerate. I guess Sarah Palin is an easy target for cynics since she does not look like a dog.

Palin is a great woman. She was good-looking and still is. She had fun when she was young and grew out of it like most of us do. And now, she runs the state with the highest GDP per capita. Deal with it.

Jorge Velez
Fort Lauderdale

Holy fuck, where to start? Taking this apart will be almost as much fun as taking apart Lou Aguilar's screed about Huggy Bear being "the manly choice."

First of all, it's illustrative of Republicans' chief concerns -- appearance, not substance -- when you lead with the "good-looking girl with a C-cup" concept, Mr. Velez. I'll grant you that Sarah Palin is physically attractive, okay? I'll even grant you (for the sake of argument, and also because it's my shtick) that I'd hit it™, if her soul weren't such a dark, lonely, sickening place. But I want more out of my government leaders than a pretty face and a nice rack, thank you very much. And by "more," I don't mean whacked-out, fundamentalist, science-hating, abstinence-loving ideology.

Next: "You liberals complain about McCain being too old but don't complain about Joe Biden being old." Maybe that's because Biden is a healthy 65-year-old with no evidence that his mental faculties are diminished, while Huggy Bear is a decrepit 72-year-old with a myriad of health problems and, arguably, evidence that dementia already is setting in.

"You guys complain about Sarah Palin smoking pot but don't complaint about Barack Obama doing lines of coke." Who's complaining about Palin smoking pot? Hell, I'd have fired one up with her in college, if I'd had the chance. Smarter arguments, please.

Your fuel argument is ridiculous. Everyone wants cheaper oil, but drilling (and ruining the environment) is the worst-possible solution for the short term. Expanded drilling will do nothing to reduce oil and gas prices for years, maybe decades. Damn, you wingnuts are thick.

And then there's the Obama=Hitler parry. Wingnuts never get tired of comparing Obama to Hitler, because that's all they have. They can't parse Obama's substantive policy points because they aren't smart enough to understand them, and they don't have the historical knowledge or intellectual curiosity to recognize that Hitler's ideology is far closer to that of Republicans -- like Huggy Bear -- than it is, or ever was, to Obama's. In fact, I think Hitler himself would be astonished to find his positions compared to those of a center-left African-American. Come on, wingnuts -- use your brains!! (Oops, sorry ... I'm assuming facts not in evidence ...)

Then there's the "repressed homosexual" attack. Project much, Mr. Velez? You know, if you right-wing fucktards weren't so fucking scared of gay people ("Stop! Don't get near me! You might get some of that GAY on me!"), you might actually approach being human. Let's see, who have been some of the most prominent repressed homosexuals of late? Larry Craig, Mark Foley, Blowin' Bob Allen ... Republicans all. Helluva strawman there, Mr. Velez, but those nasty facts always get in the way.

Oh, and finally, Mr. Velez, running a wealthy state (by your estimation) by fiat, corruption, and intimidation isn't exactly a strong qualification to be vice president. Hell, they shouldn't call her "Governor," they should call her "Empress." And indeed, maybe they do ...

Mr. Velez, your sad, deluded state of mind previously had been known only to your family and friends. But you had to go and write a letter to City Link, thereby revealing yourself to be a fool to all of south Florida -- and beyond. I hope you're comforted with jerking off to your Hitler comparisons and Palin pictures during the coming eight years of the Obama administration -- but first, you might want to come out from under Mommy's bed. Unless that helps you get off, that is ...