Too stupid to breathe: John Stemberger

I'm not sure whether this falls into the category of "too stupid to breathe" or just "Fucking Asshole of the Day," but John Stemberger surely qualifies for the latter if not both.

Stemberger is the right-wing hatemonger (sorry to be redundant) behind Amendment 2, which would enshrine the already-existing ban on gay marriage in Florida's constitution. And he also is a massive fucking idiot.

Get a load of the shit Stemberger's spewing now:

John Stemberger, the force behind the proposed anti-gay marriage constitutional amendment on the Nov. 4 ballot, cited cases in other states where similar proposals failed, resulting in teachers of students as young as 7 years old using books about same-sex marriage to promote diversity in families.

But, unlike in Connecticut, Massachusetts and California, where gay marriage was upheld by the courts, Florida has already outlawed same-sex marriages in state statutes.

That's not enough, argued Stemberger, head of yes2marriage.org and other organizations asking voters to approve the amendment. The constitutional provision is necessary to prevent judges from permitting gays to marry, he said. The result in other states, Stemberger said, is "an affront to parents' rights."

Stemberger trotted out some other fucked-up fundie whackjobs from Massachusetts who were "dismayed" to learn that their son's second-grade teacher read from a book where one prince married another prince after being rejected by a series of princesses.

Well, John, so fucking what? In essence, what Stemberger's saying -- and, presumably, all the supporters of Amendment 2 believe -- is that if this amendment fails, our children all will turn gay. Horrors! Where are my pearls to clutch?

The per sé absurdity of that argument hardly needs to be addressed but, for the sake of any other fundie whackjobs who may be reading this: YOU DON'T "TURN" GAY, you stupid, insipid fucktards. Nothing a student hears or reads will have any effect on whether or not that student is gay. Jesus H. Christ in a feather boa and tiara, how many fucking times do we have to say that before you'll finally get it through your unfathomably thick skulls?!?

These people are morons, plain and simple ... hateful, deranged, bigoted, ignorant morons. And John Stemberger outranks them all -- he's the real Mayor of Simpleton.

Recent polls show Amendment 2 with around 53% support, well short of the 60% needed for passage. Yep, looks like there's gonna be a hell of a lot of schadenfreude to go around on November 5 ... (but don't forget to VOTE!)

New science standards: decent, in theory

Yesterday, the Florida Board of Education, featuring batshit crazy fundie Donna Callaway, approved the new state science standards, which describe evolution as "the fundamental concept underlying all of biology." But they did throw a bone to the creationists by amending the language to refer to "the scientific theory of evolution" rather than just "evolution."

As originally proposed, the science standards, updated for the first time since 1996, didn't call evolution a "theory" when they were drafted and reviewed by a panel of experts last year. Following numerous public complaints, though, the state Department of Education suggested the wording change to clearly label every scientific law and theory -- not just about evolution -- as such.

The seven-member board adopted the alternate proposal, and therefore the standards, by a 4-3 vote.

The three "no" votes came from Callaway (of course) and two board members -- Roberto Martinez and Akshay Desai -- who opposed the watered-down "theory" language.

Naturally, I share the concern of Martinez and Desai about the "theory" language since, you know, evolution's not a freakin' theory! It's a fact, and nothing Donna Callaway or fellow lunatic John Stemberger (who testified on behalf of the nutjobs, as he feels the need to inject himself into basically every such debate in the state) might say will change that. So, this being Florida, where we always need to appease the wingnuts (unless they're in charge, which is all too often the case), I guess we should be happy with what we could get.

The article doesn't go into whether the original standards as proposed (without the "theory" language) would have passed; one can infer that Martinez and Desai would have voted "yes" and Callaway, of course, "no," but would the four in the final majority have stuck with it? Nevertheless, we can move forward with stronger science standards than we had before yesterday's vote, and for that we probably ought to be grateful.

But I really, really hate appeasing the crazies ...

Gay marriage: good news and bad news

I meant to write about this over the weekend but didn't have time ... anyway, we learned the other day about a state that is handling the gay marriage issue the right way, and one -- yep, Florida -- taking yet another step toward increased state-sanctioned bigotry.

In New York, a state appellate court ruled that the state "must recognize same-sex marriages legally consecrated elsewhere."

This appears to be the first appellate ruling in the country mandating that a state must recognize the same-sex marriage of a couple legally wed elsewhere, according to officials with the New York Civil Liberties Union.

"Today I know the legal world looks at my marriage as valid, as something we're not going to sweep under the rug, as something that doesn't end," said [Patricia] Martinez, a Chili resident who filed suit in 2005 to try to get her marriage legally blessed in New York. "Because we're not going to go away."

Martinez, a word-processing supervisor at Monroe Community College, sued the college in 2005 after it refused to extend health care benefits to her spouse. Her lawyer, Jeffrey Wicks of Rochester, argued that the couple was the victim of discrimination because the MCC benefits were allowed to heterosexual married couples.

At that time, the college's contract with the Civil Service Employees Union did not recognize domestic partnerships. The MCC contract with CSEA now does.

In July 2006, state Supreme Court Justice Harold L. Galloway dismissed Martinez's lawsuit, saying that the state does not acknowledge same-sex marriages. The state Legislature "currently defines marriage as limited to the union of one man and one woman," Galloway wrote.

But in a unanimous 5-to-0 decision, the Appellate Division of State Supreme Court decided Friday that the Legislature has not denied "full faith and credit to same-sex marriages validly solemnized in another state."

With the ruling, Wicks said, the appellate judges simply applied past New York legal precedent. The judges noted in the ruling that "for well over a century" New York has recognized marriages solemnized elsewhere unless they were cases of polygamy or incest. The state, for instance, has recognized marriages that could not be consecrated in New York, such as common-law marriages valid in other states, the judges ruled.

"This is not new law," Wicks said. "This is old law. This is trial law."

Wow. A court ruling on precedent and not legislating from the bench. How different. Too bad the SCOTUS didn't do the same thing on December 11, 2000, eh?

Meanwhile, here in America's Wang™, not long after I proclaimed that the gay-bashing marriage amendment was dead in the water, it's been resurrected, as Betty Cracker explains here:

Stemberger, who makes his living suing rental car companies on behalf of tourists who develop mysterious and difficult to document soft-tissue injuries after fender-benders, enlisted the aid of numerous pastors, who directed their sheep to sign up for the homo-hate-fest. As of yesterday, it looks like they got it done. Here's Stemberger's announcement on his website:

"We are grateful to God first, and to our supporters second, for this amazing victory. What our people did was simply remarkable. They collected 92,000 petitions in about 13 days. That is about 7,000 petitions per day. No paid petition collectors could ever match the force of this effort. This is real proof for grassroots momentum for marriage as the union of one man and one woman in Florida."

"Children need a mom and a dad. It is just that simple. When you create a same sex marriage, you are simultaneously creating a same sex family. Same sex marriages subject children to a vast, untested, social experiment. Homosexual marriage proponents must take the position that there is no inherent value or importance to human femininity and human masculinity when it comes to the socialization of children. Dad and mom's [sic] are optional. This is the assumption of their position."

See, it's all about the chiiiiiilllllllldren. And God. But let's unpack a fraction of the dishonesty in those two paragraphs. First of all, as I said, same-sex marriage is illegal in Florida already. And by laws enacted with the assistance of Stemberger, there are children who are languishing in foster care right now who cannot be adopted by gay couples. Stemberger cares so much about those children and their grounding in "human feminimity and masculinity" that he'd prefer they grow up as wards of the state than find a home with a pair of homos. Whatta guy.

To reiterate, this is nothing more than another attempt to codify bigotry. I've done just fine at fucking up my two marriages myself, and they certainly didn't need "protection" from Teh Gaiii. Perhaps Stemberger is concerned that, you know, his wife might leave him for another woman, or maybe he's another wingnut closet case like Mark Foley or Ted Haggard or Larry Craig or Lindsey Graham*, but gay couples' ability to marry or not won't have any effect one way or the other on either situation. Too bad Stemberger apparently is so insecure that he doesn't realize this.

So, we win some, we lose some. Congratulations to New York, and I don't mean for the Super Bowl. But although we in Florida may have to deal with the Hate Amendment in November, we certainly don't have to pass it.

UPDATE (3:31 pm 2/4/08): The lovely and talented Eschaton commenter ErinPDX informs us that her state, Oregon, today became the ninth state to recognize some form of domestic partner rights. Congratulations! Maybe reason will prevail over insanity after all ...

UPDATE (5:53 pm 2/4/08): Special thanks to Pat Martinez, the plaintiff in the New York case mentioned above, for stopping by this humble blog. Very cool.

Pat is a blogger, too. And congratulations to you and your spouse as well!

---

* Okay, I don't know for sure about Graham, but it would be irresponsible not to speculate.

Today's Daily Schadenfreude: John Stemberger

A month ago, I told you about Orlando attorney John Stemberger, the batshit crazy fundie bigot who wants to deny basic rights to certain members of society based solely on their sexual orientation. Well, Stemberger got a double-whammy yesterday, either of which would be schadenfreude-worthy on its own, but when put together give him a special place in our laughing-and-pointing series.

First, it looks like Stemberger's hate crusade to put a constitutional ban on gay marriage on the November ballot is over. It's still possible but highly unlikely that they can get the required number of signatures by the Feb. 1 deadline, after a recount threw out thousands of duplicate signatures.

Campaign chairman John Stemberger was dismayed, but focused on rounding up the remaining signatures. "We're somewhat at the mercy of the professionalism and competence of the officials involved here," he said.

"At this point we're not interested in pointing fingers. We're interested in making sure the goal is met."

[...]

Campaigns have until Feb. 1 to collect more signatures, though county election offices, swamped in preparations for the presidential primary, are not obliged to count them.

That unsettles Stemberger, who has offered volunteers to aid in the process.

So far, no county is accepting.

What? No Florida county wants to help you, John, with your despicable scheme? Not even the batshit crazy counties? Wow, that must really suck, huh?

Well, I guess when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, right, John? I'm curious: what exactly does Huckleberry-flavor taste like, anyway?

Conservative heavyweight John Stemberger withdrew his support for GOP presidential candidate Fred Thompson today and is now backing former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee.

Huckabee, a Baptist minister, is “without question the best candidate to breathe new life and fresh hope into a nation” and has a “solid record as a champion for pro-life and pro-family values,” Stemberger said in a statement released by Huckabee’s campaign.

Stemberger, who also heads the state’s anti-gay marriage initiative petition movement, is also the president of the Florida Family Policy Counsel, associated with James Dobson’s Focus on the Family.

The Orlando lawyer carries considerable clout among conservative Christian voters in the state and will co-chair Huckabee’s Florida Faith and Family Values Coalition.

Well, John, you definitely belong in the batshit crazy fundie camp. Way to attach yourself to a sinking candidate, pal. Going from Thompson to Huckabee is like being traded from the Devil Rays to the Orioles. Sure, your record improves a little, but ultimately, you know you're still doomed.*

Well, John, at least you can take solace in the fact that you have something to fall back on ... after you're done falling forward onto your sword. Congratulations to John Stemberger, for today's Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!

---

* I'm a lifelong Orioles fan, born in Baltimore and suffering since 1983. I know whereof I speak on this.

Gay marriage redux: Crist chimes in, more fundies attack

Despite having signed a petition in favor of a gay marriage ban during his gubernatorial campaign, Florida governor and "confirmed bachelor" Charlie Crist (R) won't be actively supporting the anti-gay marriage amendment.

"It's not an issue that moves me," Gov. Charlie Crist told reporters Thursday after sponsors of the initiative announced they had enough signatures to get it on the ballot.

Crist is listed as an endorser of the amendment on the Web site, www.florida4marriage.org, and while running for governor, he signed a petition in support of such a ban. But in February, he asked the GOP to stop donating money to the effort and, Thursday, he said he'd rather focus on raising teacher pay, reducing property taxes and combatting climate change. "I'm just a live and let live kind of guy," the governor said.

Hard to believe a Republican can be a "live and let live" person, isn't it? Yet we appear to have one as governor. Under the circumstances and given the alternatives, I'll take that ... for now.

Meanwhile, here's what the rabid, mouth-breathing, dumbass wingnut bigot side of the issue is saying:

"The people of Florida have spoken today, and they will speak again on Nov. 4, 2008," said John Stemberger [(right)], an Orlando lawyer who leads a coalition of sponsoring groups. "I think the message is timeless and it is clear: Marriage is the union of one man and one woman."

Florida already has a law banning same-sex marriage, but Stemberger said a constitutional amendment was needed to prevent legal challenges in the future. Currently, 27 other states have passed constitutional bans on gay marriage.

"An activist judge, with one stroke of a pen, can shut down a fundamental human institution," he said. "We're here for the long run. ... We're doing this to protect this institution literally for centuries to come in Florida."

Yes, that's right. It's a huge part of teh eeeeevil Gay Agenda to "shut down a fundamental human institution."

Again, I ask, exactly how is your marriage affected if a gay couple marries, Mr. Stemberger? Is your beautiful family (left) really threatened in any way by gay marriage? Or are you just so full of hate, Mr. Christian Legal Society, that you have to stamp out the scourge of gay marriage in order to feel more manly and more holy? Is there any possible way you batshit crazy fundies can keep your nose out of other people's business?

I'm actually rather surprised that Stemberger is a personal injury attorney. Usually, such attorneys are in that business for one of two reasons: to help injured people, or to make a shitload of money. I guess we know on which side Stemberger falls.