Too stupid to breathe: "Cat"

This time it's not a letter writer to City Link, like last week's "Too stupid to breathe" honorees, Jorge Velez and Gerry Watts. No, today I bring you an e-mail sent directly to me.

I'm going to call the author of this unbelievably stupid missive "Cat," because I'm not into revealing people's identities when they aren't already revealed. However, it's interesting to note a couple of things about Cat, whose identity was readily available after just a couple of minutes of Googling:

• Her last name happens to be the same as a prominent New York family -- an aristocratic New York family -- wealthy, well-known, and historic enough to have a mansion named for them. The family probably hobnobbed with Rockefellers and Roosevelts, Astors and Lodges ... so it's instructive to read her e-mail with that in mind.


• Her e-mail address comes from the domain wmconnect.com. That's Wal-Mart's ISP domain. Yep, our correspondent is a proud, and no doubt frequent, Wal-Mart shopper. Kinda counter to her aristocratic heritage, but ideologically, it's right in character.


• She's in the residential real estate business in Florida, which has been completely in the tank thanks to the GOP destruction of the economy both nationally and in this state, so either she's willfully blind or she's constantly wondering why she can't sell a fucking house.

So, without further ado, I give you, unedited and unexpurgated, the words of "Cat," as she proves herself too stupid to breathe! (The first person to find an actual fact in Cat's statement wins the internets.)

One would assume that Governor Sarah Palin’s candidacy would usher in both figurative and literal feminist change to politics which is long overdue.

We have seen from the political left feminist a campaign of veiled sexist remarks. From the men on the left we see a more furious reaction to a woman for whom they hold in utter contempt, exclaiming slogans of "she should be home taking care of her children." From the elite media, we watch as they illuminate false information dredged from simple bloggers without ascertaining supportive facts as well as exaggerating any controversy.

Could it be the left is not championing truth, justice and the American way, say it aint so! All of the lefts efforts have only culminated in pulling back the curtain on their movement. What they are really after is what all socialist governments want, control of their citizens. One should ponder this, a government big enough to give you everything is also big enough to take everything away!

Incredulously, you will hear much about McCain & Palin not being Mavericks, just the same old. The truth is, they are well known fighters against the system. Just ask both Republicans and Democrats that have had to cross swords with them. Neither are popular with the power players in both the Republican and Democratic party, however both receive grudging respect for their independence.

Having investigated the facts surrounding Governor Sarah Palin, I must admit it brought a tear to my eye. Why? I have been waiting decades while wading through the troth of choices for the lesser evil to cast my vote for. I thought the institution of politics had changed from what our founders had predicated it on to simply a self serving goal. Long ago I gave up the belief anyone with the principle's of a Sarah Palin or a John McCain could ever get elected to lead our country.

We have now two heroes to cast our vote for, it is raining red, white and blue, God Bless America!

Now, at the outset, I hesitate to give Cat credit for actually writing this. It smacks of talking points and blast faxes, and I doubt Cat has the mental acuity to use words like "figurative," "exaggerating," and "get." Then again, transposing apostrophes from "aint" and "lefts," where they belong, to "principle's," obviously meant to be a plural word rather than a possessive, is a pretty good indication that we have a Real Live Wal-Mart Shopper writing to us.

On to the deconstruction, which as with Jorge and Gerry, is almost unfairly easy ...

First off, Cat, why would one assume that Sarah Palin's candidacy would "usher in both figurative and literal feminist change to politics?" Given Gov. Palin's consistent opposition to women's rights, exemplified in part by her opposition to a woman's right to choose and her heinous, despicable decision as mayor of Wasilla, Alaska to make rape victims pay for their own so-called "rape kits" to preserve evidence, I actually would assume just the opposite: that Gov. Palin is categorically opposed to "both figurative and literal feminist change [in] politics." Of course, Cat, when you can't read the big words, it must be hard to understand ...

What are the "veiled sexist remarks," Cat, and who are the "political left feminist[s]" to whom you refer? I haven't seen any sexism from the Left, but I've sure seen it from the mainstream corporate media (witness a vast majority of coverage of Hillary Clinton's campaign for the Democratic presidential nomination) and from your own superannuated presidential candidate, who didn't hesitate to call his wife a "cunt" in public. Sexist? Thy name is Republican. No one that I know of on the Left is calling for Gov. Palin to stay home and take care of her children. In fact, just yesterday I quoted a Republican from Largo, Fla. (rather near your home, eh, Cat?) who questioned Gov. Palin's ability to govern while being a mother. No, those concerns aren't coming from the Left -- we're too busy cataloguing all of Gov. Palin's batshit crazy beliefs and political experience to worry about her parenting skills too much.

Oh, and please don't complain to me about socialism and big government when your heroes, the Bush crime syndicate, are proposing a $700 billion buyout of failed banks and financial institutions in what can only be described as corporate socialism. Your guys left the "small government" mantle behind long, long ago.

"Well known fighters against the system?" Let's see ... Huggy Bear votes with Drunky McStagger 90% of the time and Sarah Clown Car was for the Bridge to Nowhere before she was against it. Boy, if that's "fight[ing] against the system," I'm sure glad they're not part of the system!

And that last big paragraph ("Having investigated the facts ...") -- okay, I don't even understand what the fuck you are saying there. "Troth of choices?" You copied that from somewhere, didn't you, Cat? But don't despair, you poor, deluded woman: plenty of people with the principles of McCain and Palin -- corruption, selfishness, graft, greed, cash before country -- have led this country! Hell, two of 'em are "leading" this country right now -- leading us right into depression and war, but "leading" us nonetheless!

Your conclusion -- "We have now two heroes to cast our vote for, it is raining red, white and blue, God Bless America" -- well, I don't even know what to say, except that if you think Huggy and Clown Car are "heroes," you obviously are so poorly educated, so pitifully ignorant, that I feel almost guilty taking apart your jingoistic, laughably idiotic screed.

Almost.

Because, after all, Cat, some people are just too stupid to breathe. Welcome to the club.