Telling it like it is

(You have to think of the title of this post in Howard Cosell's voice ... just because ...)

Came across this hilarious transcription of an apocryphal meeting among the Democratic presidential candidates. I'm not sure I agree with everything the author advises (for example, telling the candidates to shut up about gun control), but let's imagine you're in a group therapy session with Hillary, Barack, John, Dennis, and the rest of the gang ... and they're looking to you for help with, well, telling it like it is.

Here's an excerpt:

4. Say big words. You people have at least attended some very good schools. Fucking act like it. Stop using generic politician language that makes people zone out. Sound smart. Sound like you are the smartest person in the fucking room, make the down talking grass roots guy look like he is way fucking out of his league. The steady trend has been to dumb yourselves down to speak to the average American. The average American IS NOT FUCKING QUALIFIED. We want to be impressed with your foresight, confident in your ability to make sound decisions and trust your sanity. Look at W. He bobs his head and smirks when he gets through a sentence without fucking it up. He is stupid, just plain ole stupid and you guys PLAYED ON HIS TURF. WHAT THE FUCK. SOUND LIKE YOU SHOULD BE HERE. Gravel, stop yelling and put your shirt back on, I'm glad I have fired at least someone here up. DODD WAKE UP, oh sorry.

[...]

6. Say "FUCK" or "FUCKING" then refuse to apologize. Especially you Obama, you could be the Samuel L. Jackson of this election. Say something like "THIS WAR IS GETTING AMERICANS FUCKING KILLED" make it look like you care. When people die and you actually can do something about it, the natural response is not to produce paperwork. Don't back down either, say you feel strongly about this issue and you feel the language was warranted. Do not confuse this for the Cheney "asshole" line, it has to be about something important. Hillary, stop crying. Drop the Fbomb like you mean it. Ideally you will mean it. FUCKING HELL NOW YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ARE A HARDASS AND PASSIONATE.

Go read the whole thing. It's a hoot.

And while you're at it, keep an eye on that blog, called "TYPING IN CAPS BECAUSE YOU ARE STUPID." It's new, uncivil, and funny as shit.

(h/t Prickstein Wisdom ... motherfucker.)

Larry Craig's new gig

click image for fully uncivil version

(Yeah, I know, MS Paint sucks ... you snark with the program you have, not the program you wish you had.)

Because it wouldn't be Blast Off! without foul language

Enjoy Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back: The F*cking Short Version.



WF

More incivility, dude

Longtime readers of Blast Off! (both of you) may recall that, a couple of weeks ago, I posted a very funny short version of Scarface, in an effort to maintain my uncivil creds.

Well, I've now been turned on to a similar version of The Big Lebowski.

As before, don't have the sound turned up to where coworkers/children/David Broder can hear it. It's mighty uncivil.

Supporting the troops ... not

I just can't for the life of me figure out how any rational person can conclude that Drunky McStagger and the Bush crime syndicate -- which includes pretty much anyone with an "R" after his or her name, especially in Washington -- actually support the troops at all, let alone more so than the Democrats.

I already proved that assertion months ago, but the evidence keeps piling up. You really don't have to go any further than Drunky's veto of the original military spending bill. But if you want more, how about the crap that continues to go on at Walter Reed?

The Army said Friday that it has opened an investigation into the recent discovery of 4,500 letters and parcels - some dating to May 2006 - at Walter Reed that were never delivered to soldiers.

And it fired the contract employee who ran the mailroom.

In an indication of the Army's sensitivity to problems at Walter Reed, whose reputation as the crown jewel in the Army medical system was tarnished by the disclosures of poor treatment of soldiers earlier this year, officials put out a written statement late Friday afternoon detailing the problem with the mail.

Maj. Gen. Eric Schoomaker, commander of Walter Reed, said he ordered a team of 20 to 40 soldiers and civilians to launch an around-the-clock operation to screen, survey and forward all the letters and parcels. Items addressed to soldiers still at Walter Reed were being hand-delivered Friday night, he said.

"This delay is completely and absolutely unsatisfactory," Schoomaker said.

He took over at Walter Reed after the Army fired his predecessor, Maj. Gen. George Weightman, in the wake of Washington Post stories that spelled out substandard living conditions and excessive red tape for soldiers at Walter Reed.

Army Secretary Francis Harvey also was fired in the days following the disclosures.

The mail wasn't even getting through. The Army's "sensitivity" is heart-warming, but it's more like "sorry we got caught" than "sorry we screwed up."

The next time some asshat Republican says they support the troops more than the Democrats, I hope someone nearby punches him or her right in the ear. And if that's uncivil, well, it's no less civil than the way the Bush crime syndicate has treated our military over the last six years.

Maintaining my uncivil credentials

It's the weekend. This is hilarious ... I mean, I laugh out loud every time I watch it.

Just don't have the sound turned up to where coworkers/children/David Broder can hear it. Trust me on this one.

Presenting "Scarface: The Short Version."



You can't say I didn't warn you.

Uncivil and proud!

(Bitches!)

An uncivil parody

Here's one for all the car dealers out there, or those of us who are sick of their TV ads. And Baltimoreans, a special bonus for you (or us -- after all, I was born there).

This is hilarious, but not safe for work (NSFW!!!!) or kiddies. But, hey, this is a Certified Incivil Blog, so I can post whatever the fuck I want.

Enjoy! (And h/t to Wes at Walk in Brain.)

Go flick yourself?

Apparently some in Toronto are abuzz after the provincial government announced a campaign designed to encourage energy conservation among young people.

Opposition parties are blasting the Ontario government for supporting a campaign aimed at getting young people to cut energy use and suggestively titled "Flick Off."

Launched Wednesday by Environment Minister Laurel Broten and British billionaire Richard Branson, the tongue-in-cheek campaign alludes to a four-letter word and the logo uses a typeface that makes the capital letters "L" and "I" look like a "U."

The campaign's website uses such phrases as "Go flick yourself," and "Are we flicked?"

On the homepage, a call to action says: "We need you to FLICK OFF, and tell everyone you know to FLICK OFF. The more you do it, the cooler it gets. The planet, that is."

I don't know ... I don't really see a problem. Do you, Minister Broten?


Oh. Never mind.

How ... uncivil.

I'm not taking the fucking pledge!

I'm proud to declare Blast Off! an Officially Certified Incivil Blog™.

There's been a code of conduct promulgated for bloggers, and I'm defiantly opposed to it. Instead, I prefer this non-pledge from a non-blog:

We fucking celebrate the blogosphere because it embraces words like 'fuck' and open conversation. But frankness does not have to mean we can't have fun and swear like sailors. We present this Holy Fucking Pledge in hopes that it helps create a culture that encourages both personal expression and constructive conversation. One can say naughty words and insult one's mom without losing points in the discussion.

1. We take responsibility for our own words and reserve the right to call stupid people names when they fucking annoy us.

2. We won't tell anybody to fuck off if we wouldn't tell them to fuck off in person.

3. If tensions escalate, we will start a metablogpissingmatch, if only to generate traffic.

4. When we believe someone is unfairly attacking another, we escalate and get more personal and nasty.

5. We allow anonymous comments because who the fuck really cares? It's a goddamned blog.

6. We troll other sites for shits and giggles.

7. We encourage parody sites because if you can't take a fucking joke, you're a goddamned moran and shouldn't be blogging.

Look, a blog is a blog. Nothing more. It's a place for a blogger like me to rant about anything I want. I'm fortunate to have some regular readers (and commenters, which I lurrrrrrrve), and blogging has given me a chance to meet some really terrific people in places like Nashville, Tallahassee, and New Orleans.

But it's a blog. Whether or not I'm civil has nothing to do with anything. Besides, why should I be civil when the Vice Fucking President is telling a senator to go fuck himself and when the Fucking Preznit is referring to a member of the press as a "major-league asshole?" Bill Donohue might have gotten John Edwards to kowtow, but not me, ace.

Fuck civility. I'm uncivil, and that's the way it goes. Deal with it.