Toto, I've a feeling we're not in south Florida anymore: Evolution is so silly

Welcome back to Blast Off!'s "Toto series," wherein I chronicle my adjustment to residing in America's Taint™ ...

Took a little road trip the other day, and found this sign in St. Elmo, Ala., about halfway between Mobile, Ala. and Pascagoula, Miss. Naturally, I had to stop for a photo ...

Yeah, I get the disdain for Darwin; fundies always have been allergic to science. But it's the spelling that gets to me. I mean, I've seen "your" used where "you're" ought to be -- and it drives me insane -- but "you'r?" Come on -- pick one or the other!

(And lest you think that the "E" just fell off ... the spelling was exactly the same on the other side of the sign!)

By the way, I also don't appreciate the insinuation that my nieces are monkeys.

Sarah Palin, creationist

Lest otherwise intelligent people fall for Huggy Bear's transparent ploy to attract disaffected Hillary Clinton supporters and superficial men (some may fall into both categories, I know) by choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate, let's take a look back at one of Gov. Palin's greatest hits, less than two years ago, when as mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, she was running for the office she now holds.

The volatile issue of teaching creation science in public schools popped up in the Alaska governor's race this week when Republican Sarah Palin said she thinks creationism should be taught alongside evolution in the state's public classrooms.

Palin was answering a question from the moderator near the conclusion of Wednesday night's televised debate on KAKM Channel 7 when she said, "Teach both. You know, don't be afraid of information. Healthy debate is so important, and it's so valuable in our schools. I am a proponent of teaching both."

Her main opponents, Democrat Tony Knowles and Independent Andrew Halcro, said such alternatives to evolution should be kept out of science classrooms. Halcro called such lessons "religious-based" and said the place for them might be a philosophy or sociology class.

[...]

Palin said she thought there was value in discussing alternatives.

"It's OK to let kids know that there are theories out there," she said in the interview. "They gain information just by being in a discussion."

That was how she was brought up, she said. Her father was a public school science teacher.

"My dad did talk a lot about his theories of evolution," she said. "He would show us fossils and say, 'How old do you think these are?' "

Asked for her personal views on evolution, Palin said, "I believe we have a creator."

She would not say whether her belief also allowed her to accept the theory of evolution as fact.

"I'm not going to pretend I know how all this came to be," she said.

Keep your faith off of my children, Governor. And stop claiming evolution is a "theory," you science-hating Barbie doll. Your father should be ashamed of you. You certainly didn't learn much from him, did you?

(h/t to Aldis, via e-mail)

What's a fundamentalist whackjob to do?

It must be tough to be a batshit crazy fundie in Florida as the state legislature session limps to a close this week. Three fundie-supported bills are either dead or dying. Couldn't happen to a better bunch of lunatics, if you ask me.

First, the vomitous abortion restriction bill, which would require women seeking to terminate their pregnancy either to view an ultrasound image of the fetus or to affirmatively decline the viewing, is stalled and might not even come to a vote in the Senate, despite the assurances of Senate majority leader Daniel Webster (R-Orlando).

Several Senate leaders said they would prefer not to take up such a divisive issue in the last week of session, and in an election year.

About a half-dozen moderate Republicans and most Democrats oppose the bill; a few conservative Democrats and most Republicans support it. Two key players have been Sen. Mandy Dawson, D-Fort Lauderdale, who is frequently absent, and incoming Senate President Jeff Atwater, R-Palm Beach Gardens, who faces a tough re-election this fall from a former Democratic senator.

Opponents thought late Monday they had the majority, but the bill’s sponsor, Sen. Dan Webster, R-Orlando -- who describes himself as pro-life -- brought the matter up for initial questions and debate Tuesday morning. A vote could come as soon as Wednesday.

Meanwhile, the equally vomitous evolution education bill, the pet bill of Sen. Ronda Storms (R-Valrico), the Most Insane State Legislator of All Time (MISLAT), passed the House but is going to run out of time in the Senate. Even Gov. Crist seems to be taking special note of this one:

With the bill on life support, Republican Gov. Charlie Crist appeared unlikely to bridge the divide between the chambers. Crist surprised reporters during a two-hour debate Monday with a rare visit to the House press gallery. He was asked if he believed in evolution.

"I believe in a lot of things," Crist said. "We should have the freedom to have a good exchange of ideas."

But is legislation needed to guarantee that exchange? "I'm not so sure," Crist said.

Say what you will about Charlie, but you just know that this bullshit bill would be a slam dunk if Jeb! were in charge ...

Oh, and remember Ronda's looney counterpart in the House, Rep. Alan Hays (R-Umatilla)? Get a load of this crap:

House Republicans, however, agreed with Rep. Alan Hays, R-Umatilla, who insisted the theory of evolution "has holes in it."

"No one has any record - no fossils have been found, no eyewitnesses have seen any species in transition from one to another," said Hays, the House sponsor.

Wow. That's some powerful stupid right there. Florida's not going to be second to any other state for deniers of scientific fact, that's for damn sure.

Finally, the "I BELIEVE" license plate deservedly crashed and burned yesterday, despite Sen. Storms' unbelievably moronic objection to its omission from the new plate legislation.

Opponents of the plate said approval - whose proposed design included a Christian cross, a stained-glass window and the words "I Believe" - would have almost certainly faced a court challenge.

The bill's Senate sponsor said Monday, however, that the chamber's rejection of the plate could also generate a lawsuit. Florida already has over 100 different license plates and by allowing the designs the state has created a "public forum," said Sen. Ronda Storms, R-Valrico.

Public forum? Oh, give me a fucking break.

Sen. Storms, a 1995 graduate of Stetson University College of Law (where I worked long ago), obviously didn't learn much about constitutional law there. While courts still are debating the issue, the idea that Florida has opened license plates up to be a public forum, limited or otherwise, is just ludicrous. There's no viewpoint discrimination going on here, Ronda. Please take your Bible and your insanity and let the grown-ups make the decisions, okay?

And while you're at it, take Hays and the rest of the batshit crazy fundies with you. It might get there kicking and screaming the whole way, but there's finally a scintilla of hope that Florida might be dragged into the 21st Century eventually after all.

Today's Daily Schadenfreude: State Sen. Ronda Storms (R-Valrico)

What's wrong with me? I haven't had a Daily Schadenfreude on here in forever! Maybe I was just waiting for a good one. And this is a very good one.

You remember Sen. Ronda Storms (right), don't you? The batshit crazy wingnut from the Tampa area had introduced legislation to try to get creationism into Florida's public schools. Well, today the bill came to the floor for debate. And Sen. Storms got her ass handed to her publicly.

The first tactic by the Democrats was brilliant. They pointed out that if teachers were made to teach "the full range of scientific views" about evolution, including intelligent design, then they also must teach "the full range of scientific views" about human sexuality, including contraception. Right?! Come on, now ... help me, Ronda:

Republican Sen. Ronda Storms said that Democratic proposal went too far and had it voted down on the Senate floor Thursday, saying the sex-ed measure not only didn't belong on her evolution bill but that it could lead to "prematurely deflowering kindergart[e]ners and first- and second-graders."

Sen. [Ted] Deutch, a Boca Raton Democrat, countered that the sex-education bill had to be "age appropriate" and that it would help stop venereal disease and unwanted pregnancies.

Adapting Storm's [sic] language in previous debates, Duetch [sic] said the bill simply gives students "the opportunity to ask about the scientific information."

From there, the debate over the measure, which could be voted out of the chamber by next week, became tense.

After trying to show that Storms, a Christian conservative, is only concerned with "academic freedom" when it comes to evolution, [Democrats] tried to cast doubt on her proposal as a backdoor way of teaching Intelligent Design, which a Pennsylvania federal court in 2005 banned from the science classroom as being too theistic.

Deflowering kindergarteners? Oh, please. Storms has to be the stupidest person ever elected to any legislature anywhere. Okay, except for Jim Inhofe. But I digress ...

Smartly and shrewdly, the Dems wouldn't let up in what the reporter described as "tense" debate:

So Democrats repeatedly asked: Could teachers teach Intelligent Design under the Academic Freedom bill? Ronda Storms wouldn't say yes or no.

Her answer, instead, came straight from the text of her bill that Democrats were trying to tear apart as backdoor Creationism: "You may teach, specifically: 'scientific information relevant to the full range of scientific views regarding biological and chemical evolution in connection with teaching any prescribed curriculum regarding chemical or biological evolution.' "

Storms at one point added: "The bottom line is if it is not scientifically based and if it is not scientifically relevant, the answer is no. If it is, the answer is yes."

She also pointed out that the bill says "you may not teach religious doctrine." When pressed about Intelligent Design by Democratic Sen. Nan Rich of Sunrise, Storms said "asked and answered."

But it wasn't, said Democratic leader Steve Geller of Cooper City. When he started to ask her personal view about Intelligent Design, Republican Senate President Ken Pruitt of Port St. Lucie interrupted: "Sen. Storms, you don't have to answer this if you don't want to."

Geller continued: "Do you believe Intelligent Design meets the criteria in your bill," which says scientific information is "germane current facts, data and peer-reviewed research."

Said Storms: "I absolutely believe that evolution should be taught in public schools. I also believe that we should teach the full range of critical analysis of evolution."

It's well past time that we stopped taking morons like Storms seriously. Part of the problem, I think, is that we on the Left have been too quick to legitimize positions that are just idiotic by opposing them as though they have merit. It's far more effective, and certainly in this instance far more appropriate, to treat such things with the derision and ridicule they deserve.

Speaking of derision and ridicule, check out what happened when Storms was asked to produce the people she claims have been "afraid" to contradict the new state science standards mandating the teaching of evolution:

Storms said her bill was designed to counteract the "dogmatic" new state science standards requiring for the first time evolution to be and that "people are afraid. Teachers are afraid. And students, by the way, are afraid."

Geller objected, noting her bill says the "Legislature finds that in many instances" teachers and students have feared or been disciplined for teaching the full range of scientific information about evolution.

When Geller asked her for names, Storms didn't have any but said six educators who planned to talk on the topic recently weren't given the time to address a recent Senate committee.

Jeebus. Look, I'm not going to go so far as to say that Ronda Storms is too stupid to breathe. But she's surely too stupid to serve in the state Senate. Or maybe the constituents who voted for her are the stupid ones.

The good news, though, Ronda, is that you're not too stupid to earn a little Blast Off!-style derision and ridicule of your own: congratulations, because today's Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!

Just when you thought it was safe to evolve ...

Apparently the batshit crazy creationists aren't giving up the fight very easily. And now they're bringing in the B-list celebrity ammunition:

In the latest evolution battle, pop-culture figure Ben Stein will show his new documentary challenging mainstream science [ ] to Florida lawmakers Wednesday as they consider legislation that makes it easier for teachers to question Darwin's theory in science classes.

The legislation, like Stein's documentary called Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed, has been bashed by critics as a front for advancing the agenda of biblical creationists who want to sneak religious teachings into the classrooms.

But Umatilla Republican Rep. Alan Hays says he's not touting Stein's documentary or his "academic freedom" bill to destroy evolution. He said the bill is simply drafted to allow teachers and students to discuss, without fear of punishment, "the full range" of problems and ideas surrounding Darwin's theory.

Neither Hays nor his co-sponsor, Brandon Republican Sen. Ronda Storms, could name any teachers in Florida who have been disciplined for being critical of evolution in the science classroom. Better known for his "Win Ben Stein's Money" game show, Stein made the documentary to document how evolution critics have supposedly run afoul of mainstream science in higher academics.

You remember Ronda Storms, right? Turns out she has an equally nutty counterpart in the House in Rep. Hays. And I could go so many directions with the Ben Stein thing, I don't even know where to start.

This is absolutely, patently absurd. In a state facing fiscal ruin, seeing the Legislature have to waste its time debating whether or not to teach actual science is ridiculous. If this kind of thing keeps up, next thing you know, Congress will be investigating steroid use in baseball!

What? Really?

Oh. Never mind.

Florida's fundies take their creation fight to the Legislature

This is really disturbing. These anti-science morons here in Florida just won't give up, and with the legislative session starting this week in Tallahassee, they're at it again.

Batshit crazy state Sen. Ronda Storms (R-Valrico) (right ... FAR right) has introduced a bill that theoretically would allow K-12 teachers in Florida to teach the faux "theory" of intelligent design in public schools. To wit:

(2) The Legislature finds that current law does not expressly protect the right of teachers to objectively present scientific information relevant to the full range of scientific views regarding chemical and biological evolution. The Legislature finds that in many instances educators have experienced or feared discipline, discrimination, or other adverse consequences as a result of presenting the full range of scientific views regarding chemical and biological evolution. The Legislature further finds that existing law does not expressly protect students from discrimination due to their positions or views regarding biological or chemical evolution. The Legislature finds that the topic of biological and chemical evolution has generated intense controversy about the rights of teachers and students to hold differing views on those subjects. It is therefore the intent of the Legislature that this section expressly protects those rights.

(3) Every public school teacher in the state's K-12 school system shall have the affirmative right and freedom to objectively present scientific information relevant to the full range of scientific views regarding biological and chemical evolution in connection with teaching any prescribed curriculum regarding chemical or biological origins.

In yet another classic neocon oxymoronic misnomer (à la "Clean Water Act" or "President Bush"), Sen. Storms has called this piece of garbage the "Academic Freedom Act." You know, because we want to give teachers in our state the "freedom" to teach fantasy as fact. Even the language of the bill is ironic, since there is absolutely no scientific information supporting "intelligent design" or creation. There's plenty of "faith-based" information on it, but in terms of satisfying the scientific method, intelligent design won't cut it.

For a while this really flew under the radar, but I see the Tampa Tribune's political blog "March on Politics" has picked this up. Good. I want this idiocy to see the full light of day in a reality-based world -- with which Sen. Storms has absolutely no experience.

I didn't even realize Storms had been elected to the state Senate. After all, her performance was notorious at best as a Hillsborough County commissioner, where she was known for her crusades against dirty, dirty gays and pr0n and, you know, pretty much anything that didn't jibe with her efforts to interfere in the private lives of every Floridian for her own satisfaction. So thanks, eastern Hillsborough County, for inflicting Ronda on the rest of the state.

You'd think that the Legislature would be smart enough to laugh (figuratively ... oh, what the hell, make it literally) in Ronda's smug little face on this. But don't be too sure:

Asked after the ed board’s vote last month about the prospect of wading into the issue of evolution during the session, several GOP lawmakers expressed reluctance at best, if not outright opposition. As Rep. Kevin Ambler, R-Tampa, quipped at the time, “I thought we had evolved beyond that.”

But House Speaker Marco Rubio told the Florida Baptist Witness last month that the House “may have sufficient votes” for “academic freedom"-styled legislation. “And for me, personally,” Rubio told the FBW, according to its Feb. 21 article, “I don’t want a school system that teaches kids that what they’re learning at home is wrong.”

Marco and Ronda ... birds of a feather. Cuckoo birds, that is ...

Sticks of Fire has a different (and funnier) take on this ...

(h/t Interrobang; cross-posted at Florida Progressive Coalition Blog)

New science standards: decent, in theory

Yesterday, the Florida Board of Education, featuring batshit crazy fundie Donna Callaway, approved the new state science standards, which describe evolution as "the fundamental concept underlying all of biology." But they did throw a bone to the creationists by amending the language to refer to "the scientific theory of evolution" rather than just "evolution."

As originally proposed, the science standards, updated for the first time since 1996, didn't call evolution a "theory" when they were drafted and reviewed by a panel of experts last year. Following numerous public complaints, though, the state Department of Education suggested the wording change to clearly label every scientific law and theory -- not just about evolution -- as such.

The seven-member board adopted the alternate proposal, and therefore the standards, by a 4-3 vote.

The three "no" votes came from Callaway (of course) and two board members -- Roberto Martinez and Akshay Desai -- who opposed the watered-down "theory" language.

Naturally, I share the concern of Martinez and Desai about the "theory" language since, you know, evolution's not a freakin' theory! It's a fact, and nothing Donna Callaway or fellow lunatic John Stemberger (who testified on behalf of the nutjobs, as he feels the need to inject himself into basically every such debate in the state) might say will change that. So, this being Florida, where we always need to appease the wingnuts (unless they're in charge, which is all too often the case), I guess we should be happy with what we could get.

The article doesn't go into whether the original standards as proposed (without the "theory" language) would have passed; one can infer that Martinez and Desai would have voted "yes" and Callaway, of course, "no," but would the four in the final majority have stuck with it? Nevertheless, we can move forward with stronger science standards than we had before yesterday's vote, and for that we probably ought to be grateful.

But I really, really hate appeasing the crazies ...

Tomorrow is D-Day for evolution in Florida

It's time for another battle in the epic war of Science vs. Religion.

Tomorrow, the Florida Board of Education will vote on whether to recognize Darwin's so-called "theory of evolution" in state science standards (PDF), replacing language that refers only to biological changes over time with a statement that . This shouldn't be controversial since, you know, we're talking about science here, and evolution is a scientific concept ... but, this being Florida and loaded with batshit crazy fundies, there are plenty of folks fighting this, as I've chronicled here before.

Even here in Palm Beach County, there are decision-makers who still think that creationism ought to be taught in our schools, even though there isn't a shred of scientifically defensible evidence to support it.

[Palm Beach County School] Board member Debra Robinson, who told The Palm Beach Post in 2000 that schools should teach creationism with evolution, clarified her view by saying that debate should occur in school, just not in science classrooms.

"We should be open to allow students to debate creationism versus evolution in a critical-thinking class," said Robinson, a doctor.

C'mon, Deb. You're a doctor. Yes, I know Florida has more than its share of batshit crazy doctors, but we're talking about science in schools here. At least you seem to recognize that creationism doesn't belong in a science class, so I'll give you that much ...

But the biggest problem here is that creationism isn't science. There is nothing even remotely scientific about faith, and there never has been. I was a practicing Christian for twenty years, and even I understood during that time that while there may have been some kind of divine origin of life, it somehow had to be squared with the proofs of evolution that have been discovered scientifically over history.

Even the proposed science standards (PDF) proclaim that

[t]he processes of science include the formulation of scientifically investigatible questions, construction of investigations into those questions, the collection of appropriate data, the evaluation of the meaning of those data, and the communication of this evaluation.

No rational person can contend that creationism, "intelligent design," or any "theory" of the beginnings of life that requires faith are the results of a legitimate scientific inquiry. Period. That ought to end the debate. Of course, it doesn't, thanks to the whackjobs who keep getting elected and appointed to offices in America's Wang™.

I should be surprised that we are going through this exercise in the 21st Century. But, then, there's very little about Florida that surprises me anymore ...

Is our children learning?, Florida style

Sorry to recycle and adapt a post title so quickly, but it fits here.

Florida's K-12 education, already decimated by the backwards policies of Jeb! Bush, is dying from a thousand paper cuts. It's not only Taylor County that doesn't believe in science.

I’m embarrassed.

Sure, the Taylor County school board was apparently the first to pass a resolution complaining about evolution ..., but they’re not the only one.

Two more counties passed resolutions, too: Baker County and Holmes County.

Yes, two more north Florida counties have jumped on the "evolution is just a theory" bandwagon.

This makes me angry on so many levels, not the least of which is that we elect school boards purportedly because they will govern our schools appropriately and because they believe in the value of education. But when the people in charge of our schools blatantly disregard science -- FACTS -- because of their religious faith, which properly belongs in houses of worship and out of public schools altogether, I just can't stand it.

What is wrong with these people? Can't they leave the Sunday school teaching to Sundays and obey the separation of church and state?

Oh, wait, I forgot. Fundies in 2008 = proselytizing freaks. Never mind.

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to live in Taylor County

If you aren't from Florida, you may not be aware that there are many different facets to the Sunshine State. Some places are urban and eclectic, like Miami. Some are agricultural and sparsely populated, like the area around Lake Okeechobee. Some are known for their beaches, like ... well, like a lot of the state.

And some, like Taylor County, are completely batshit insane.

The Taylor County School Board has passed a resolution opposing evolution.

Whereas, the Florida Department of Education has drafted and is now proposing new Sunshine State Standards for Science, the Taylor County School Board opposes the implementation of the new standards as currently presented.

Whereas, the new Sunshine State Standards for Science no longer present evolution as theory but as "the fundamental concept underlying all of biology and is supported in multiple forms of scientific evidence," we are requesting that the State Board of Education direct the Florida Department of Education to revise/edit the new Sunshine State Standards for Science so that evolution is presented as one of several theories as to how the universe was formed.

Whereas, the Taylor County School Board recognizes the importance of providing a thorough and comprehensive Science education to all the students in Taylor County and to all students in the state of Florida, it recognizes as even more important the need to present these standards through a fair and balanced approach, an approach that does not unfairly exclude other theories as to the creation of the universe.

NOW THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED by the Taylor County School Board of Taylor County, Perry, Florida, that the Board urges the State Board of Education to direct the Florida Department of Education to revise the new Sunshine State Standards for Science such that evolution is not presented as fact, but as one of several theories.

Only in Florida could you have stories about a goat rape and a school board -- whose members, incidentally, are supposed to care about, you know, education -- opposing evolution in the same week. So much for science.

In a way, this hearkens back to my voter registration analysis last month. Taylor County, according to voter registration, is more than 3-to-1 Democratic, but they voted nearly 2-to-1 for Drunky McStagger in 2000 and 2004. Of the counties I analyzed, it had the biggest such reversal.

I have no idea what is going on in Taylor County, but if it's okay with you, I'm going to chalk up their insanity to inbreeding. It would be irresponsible not to speculate ...

(h/t Eschaton commenter JR, kerosene and a match)

Dinosaur had feathers; fundies to freak out in 5...4...3...2...

Blast Off! normally isn't one to go for Science Friday, but this story has legs. Or wings.

Scientists have long been aware that many dinosaurs had feathers, but scientists who made a fresh examination of a collection of velociraptor bones found indications of quill knobs where feathers may have been anchored.

Paleontologists from the American Museum of Natural History and the Field Museum of Natural History made the discovery while examining fossils of a forearm bone that was dug up in Mongolia in 1998.

"The lack of quill knobs does not necessarily mean that a dinosaur did not have feathers," said lead author of the study Alan Turner.

"Finding quill knobs on the velociraptor, though, means that it definitely had feathers. This is something we'd long suspected, but no one had been able to prove."

The feathers would have been anchored to the quill knobs via ligaments, but the study's authors believe the dinosaur was not able to fly.

The creationists believe, of course, that the universe is about 6,000 years old and that man coexisted with dinosaurs.

The bones studied were found in the Gobi desert and are believed to be from the Cretaceous Period, dating to around 80 million years ago.

Paleontologists believe that the first birds appeared 150 million years ago and that they were descendants of small feathered dinosaurs.

And so fundies' heads explode all over America.