Florida GOP Police Blotter #11: Palm Beach judge involved in Goodling fiasco

We haven't had an addition to the GOP Police Blotter since May, and while this one is only a tenuous connection, I'm going to say it qualifies, since the investigation is ongoing -- and it might end up involving federal charges. (Besides, it's my sucky blog, so bite me.)

Immigration Court Judge Rex J. Ford (right) of Palm Beach has been named in the Department of Justice probe of the GOP favoritism practice that put Monica Goodling in the public spotlight. Judge Ford, whose court is in Broward County, allegedly reviewed and recommended candidates for appointment to the Immigration Court based solely on their Republican bona fides.

The process used in naming Immigration Court judges was not as high profile as the firings of U.S. attorneys, but it was also part of the illegal politicizing of the Justice Department, according to congressional critics.

Immigration Court judges, who hear petitions to remain in the U.S. from immigrants in more than 50 specialized courts around the country, are considered career Justice Department employees and not political appointees.

"Both (Justice) Department policy and federal law prohibit discrimination in hiring for career department positions on the basis of political affiliations," investigators said.

The investigators said that in 2006, Ford joined with two other immigration court judges - Garry Malphrus and Mark Metcalf - in recommending to Goodling six candidates for the court.

Before being named as immigration judges during the Bush administration, Malphrus had been associate director of the White House Domestic Policy Council, and Metcalf was a failed GOP congressional candidate from Kentucky.

Both were named immigration judges without being interviewed by the Executive Office of Immigration Review, which was the traditional procedure.

You'll no doubt be shocked -- SHOCKED -- to hear that Judge Ford had no comment, and even if he did, "Immigration Court regulations prohibit him from speaking to the press," according to, well, him.

Gee, it sure is too bad that impeachment is off the table ...

Rush is just a "regular guy"

It always makes me laugh when I hear about my neighbor, Rush Limbaugh, and his attempts to cast himself as a "regular guy" on his radio show. You know, the kind of guy you'd want to have a beer with, who knows what it's like to be down and out and living paycheck to paycheck.

Never mind that he grew up as a scion of one of Missouri's most noted legal families, counting prominent attorneys, judges, and at least one state Supreme Court justice among his relatives. And now, seeing his bloated countenance gallivanting around Palm Beach with his girlfriend (right), well, let's just say "regular guy" isn't exactly an apt description.

Radio talker Rush Limbaugh's not the kind of guy anyone would expect in a Mexican restaurant. The man, after all, is a harsh critic of Mexico and illegal Mexican immigrants in this country. Yet, here he was, with galpal Kathryn Rogers and another couple that Page Two's spies couldn't ID, sampling the fares at Rosa Mexicana in Palm Beach Gardens on Friday night. I'm told Rogers dragged the conservative radioman to the high-class joint as she is in the middle of a campaign to get the steakhouse aficionado to try new things. Limbaugh liked it well enough. He left a $1,000 tip on a $205 check ...

Eating Mexican food and leaving a thousand-dollar tip? Regular guy. Definitely.

How about "regular douchebag?" That seems to fit better ...

Whatever happened to ... Mark Foley?

Well, shit.

I was all ready to write this great snarky post about our old friend, former U.S. Rep. Mark Foley (R-Fla.). You remember his, um, questionable relationships with House pages and his eventual resignation from Congress in 2006, right? The famous "maf54" instant messages and such, right? Last I heard, Foley was living with his longtime partner, a dermatologist, in Palm Beach and was slowly beginning to re-emerge on the area social scene (scroll down on link).

I also knew that he had been working on obtaining a real estate license. So I was surprised when driving through a residential neighborhood in Lake Worth yesterday and I saw a For Sale sign from "MAF Realty."

No ... WAY. Surely Foley isn't reminding everyone about the "maf54" thing by naming his agency for his initials, is he?

Alas, as it turns out, he isn't. And so another masterpiece of snark dies a-bornin' due to factual inconsistency.

Not that facts ever bothered Republicans, but ...

Meeting of the mindless

No, I'm not talking about the Pope's visit with Drunky McStagger ... but if you noticed a foul stench coming from Palm Beach last weekend, here's why:

Busy weekend as well at the Rush Limbaugh beachside compound on the north side of Palm Beach. The conservative radio talker had an eclectic crew of buds, 15 of them, visiting. According to an insider, they included Fox News Channel President Roger Ailes; former Monday Night Football and Olympics broadcast producer Don Ohlmeyer; conservative pundit Mary Matalin (sans liberal hubby James Carville); sportscaster Al Michaels; and 24 producers Joel Surnow, Howard Gordon, Manny Coto and Jeff Benson. What did they do? Golf, tennis and late nights around the pool to discuss how to save the world ...

How to save the world? I might suggest they could start by removing themselves from it ... but that would be uncharacteristically uncivil of me ...

Drunky McStagger to fuck up local traffic

Leave it to Drunky McStagger. He plans to come down to America's Glans™ -- in fact, not all that far from Chez Sinf O'Nian -- tomorrow. Naturally, he'll arrive at precisely the wrong time:

Air Force One is expected to land at PBIA in the late afternoon so the president can raise money for the Republican National Committee at an undisclosed home in Palm Beach. No public appearances are scheduled. Bush is expected to depart in the early evening.

Such visits usually bring "rolling roadblocks" that shut down traffic along the presidential motorcade route, Palm Beach County sheriff's spokesman Paul Miller said. Miller said he could not discuss specifics of Tuesday's visit, however.

The Federal Aviation Administration is also putting temporary restrictions on private flights within a 10-mile radius of PBIA on Tuesday afternoon and evening. ... Commercial carriers are not affected.

Oh, for fuck's sake. So he'll fly in, inconveniencing many thousands of people who hate him, and pick up another few million bucks from the horribly deluded and out-of-touch wealthy and senile denizens of Palm Beach. And that includes Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter.

How nice. I wonder if Publix has any rotten eggs they need to unload ...

Owner of a lonely heart

Yes, sadly, Gov. Charlie Crist and his beard girlfriend, Kelly Heyniger, 37, have split up. Apparently Kelly's outspokenness about their, um, relationship was just a little too much for the Guv.

"We're both busy people," Heyniger said. "Charlie's a great guy. I love what he stands for."

As soon as the two meet in February at an American Red Cross function at the Jupiter Island home of developer Paul Hanna and his wife, Carrie, Crist and Heyniger were attached at the hip whether at mundane early-evening events or in late-night restaurants here.

Says Carrie Hanna: "Things have cooled off, but they enjoyed each other's company while it lasted."

[...]

The governor's handlers didn't comment. But a source close to the administration said Crist was annoyed when Heyniger appeared on a West Palm TV station in May and confirmed publicly that their relationship was more than just a friendship and that they hung out every other weekend.

Word is the governor and his image-makers believed Kelly's interview got a little too personal and self-promoting.

"I didn't hear any complaints about that," Kelly said.

Rumors about Gov. Crist have been flying around Palm Beach for months. Was Kelly just a front? Were they truly an "item?" I guess we'll never know now ...

But, Kelly? -- I'm still available. ;)

Rush looks forward; fat ass follows few minutes later

Okay, sure, that was a low blow ... but some of the stuff Rush Limbaugh says in his "rare interview" with the Palm Beach Post's Jose Lambiet in this morning's paper borders on the absurd. Rush clearly has no concept of reality, as he "endures" probation while earning $2-3 million a month, according to his probation paperwork (PDF).

"All's well that ends well," he said, contemplating the Oct. 31 finish of his 18-month probation, barring unforeseen trouble. "But I tell myself sometimes: 'I can't believe I did this s—-.' "

In a rare interview, Limbaugh - who just this week created a firestorm by calling antiwar service members "phony soldiers," prompting Iowa Democrat Harkin's comment from the floor of the U.S. Senate - says he isn't bitter. Never mind that the justice system forced him to fill out monthly reports on his whereabouts, get tested and attend therapy.

"The system is what it is," Limbaugh, 56, said from his oceanfront compound in Palm Beach. "I became addicted to drugs because of a medical condition" - a bad back - "and I'm convinced now that most addicts come to a point where they do drugs just to stave off withdrawal.

"The only thing I regret is that, because of legal and business reasons, I haven't been able to tell my story. But I'll ponder how I could start sharing because I've often wanted to."

Well, see, Rush is really doing super! -- thanks for asking.

But wait -- there's more:

"I have had no desire" for narcotics, he said. "But I plan on continuing therapy even after the probation. It's been extremely important and valuable to me."

Actually, according to his Florida Department of Corrections file, Limbaugh is feeling so secure he beat his demons that he has been drinking booze. He's allowed to drink, but not in excess.

A corrections spokesman this week confirmed Limbaugh has been a good boy and that the drug tests his doctor has conducted have been negative.

Only half-jokingly, meanwhile, Limbaugh said he considered lying on the monthly reports he sent to WPB-based state probation officer Louis Kurtz.

Filling out the forms, Limbaugh said, was at times "surreal."

The paperwork asks for the make and license plate of a probationer's set of wheels. In Limbaugh's case, it's a 2007 Maybach 57, with an MSRP of $335,500.

Under "Your Total Money Earned Monthly," Limbaugh wrote $2.1 million on a bad month and $3 million on a better one.

"I'd be filling out these forms and thinking: 'I wonder what Louis is going to say?' I'd be thinking about cheating a little and reducing the amount, but then you've got to be honest on the forms, otherwise they could claim it's an irregularity."

You know, for a guy who's staked his career on lies and deceit, he's certainly worried about the truth when it's his fat ass in a sling.

But, really, being a right-wing nutjob gasbag is hard work! Just ask Rush!

"When the Senate majority leader denounces me, that could have an impact on my business," Limbaugh said. "But I no longer care about other people's opinions. I learned to handle criticism and take blows. When 30 percent of the country hates your guts, it takes a psychological toll.

"Frankly, I love myself a whole lot more."

Rush, is that really you?

Could this possibly be the same guy whose radio words spark accusations of racism, sexism or any other "ism" in between?

"Don't forget that the radio show is just a performance," he said.

And then Limbaugh laughed when asked why his monthly probation reports don't list anyone visiting his sprawling property. Isn't it lonely at the mansion?

"I successfully cultivated the image of a recluse," he said. "But I wished I were more alone. I've got 65 family members coming for Thanksgiving. I'm putting 20 here and the others at The Breakers. I've got the producers of 24 coming down.

"I'm really a middle-America person from Missouri. I try to live as normally as possible. But I'm sort of like Las Vegas: What happens here stays here!"

How could he be lonely with the producers of 24 and his faithful anal cyst to keep him company? Besides, if 30% of America hates him, then it follows that 70% love him, right? Who taught him math -- Karl Rove?

My neighbor Limbaugh is a menace. And his narcissism knows no bounds.

And the schadenfreude just keeps on comin'

What a day for taking delight in the misfortune of others!

Locally, it's always fun to laugh and point at the ridiculously out-of-touch residents of Palm Beach (the village, not the county -- although the county has plenty of crazies, too). Whether it's resisting the scourge of Starbucks (classic quote: "These folks hang around for hours, and you will positively love their dress code and personal grooming. Some of the body piercings are quite imaginative") or litigating over the size of a flag, you can always count on the fabulously wealthy and impossibly short-sighted denizens of Palm Beach to put things into perspective -- their perspective.

Today's front page exposé in the Palm Beach Post reveals the most egregious residential users of water in the county, and the top ten all are multimillionaires in Palm Beach. For those of you not resident here in America's Glans™, you may not be aware that we are battling a significant drought here, as we await the arrival of our traditional summer rains. Of course, the biggest whiners about having to reduce their water consumption are the folks in Palm Beach.

And you won't believe the level of their consumption (.pdf) ...

Click on the headline if you want to see a larger version. Yep, the leader in the clubhouse is 1.84 million gallons in a month. And number 3 on the list, Sydell Miller, is just shy of a million gallons.

In the good times, Sydell Miller's Palm Beach estate was a paradise based on water. Lots and lots of water.

Take her 2-acre lawn of golf-course-quality grass, fronting more than 300 feet of rock-strewn ocean beach. Sprinklers sprayed it three times a day.

The 128 windows got daily washings from automated nozzles to ward off salty corrosion. The clay tennis court consumed roughly 200,000 gallons each month, hydrotherapy needed to keep its surface intact.

Toss in the koi pond, the goldfish pond, the date and coconut palms, the impatiens, the oleanders, the lime trees and the 48 water-cooled air-conditioning units, and it's easy to see why the hair-care billionaire's home has ranked among Palm Beach County's gallon-consuming elite.

But lately, her estate manager says, drought has choked the flow.

The lawn is a drab pea-green, with broad patches of tan showing through like the worn fabric in a sofa cushion. Workers squeegee the windows by hand. The tennis court is getting no water at all and probably will require $12,000 of resurfacing.

"It's heartbreaking to see what the conditions are now," manager Charles Coxwell said while leading two visitors on a tour of La Rìverie, Miller's 3.7-acre estate next to Rod Stewart's. "When it's in its glory and everything is lush and green, it's a fantastic view."

I'm sorry, but I really can't work up much sympathy for people who are spending over $60,000 a year on water alone.

Of course, the problem isn't confined to Palm Beach, but it's Palm Beach that is doing the most whining (and therefore is most worthy of schadenfreude). Take one of the famous folks elsewhere in the county:

On the mainland, the most famous big customer might be golfer Jack Nicklaus, who consumed a comparatively thrifty 313,000 gallons a month last year at his North Palm Beach home. That was still enough to rank the Golden Bear's No. 12 among homes served by utilities other than West Palm Beach.

Spokesman Scott Tolley said the Nicklauses are taking extensive conservation steps while experimenting with drought-tolerant grasses and operating a private nursery, which has several hundred palm trees.

Those steps include installing drip irrigation systems, which apply water to plants' roots instead of spraying it around.

Okay, so 313,000 gallons a month isn't chump change, but at least they're doing something to conserve.

So, waaaah, waaaah, Sydell Miller and your pals on top of the human water consumption pyramid. While you spend more on water in a year than most people earn, please allow me to offer you a nice piping hot cup of shut the fuck up.

Today's Daily Schadenfreude: Donald Trump

Last month, Blast Off! reported on the flag flap between Donald Trump and the city of Palm Beach. As you may recall, Teh Donald's enormous American flag over his club, Mar-a-Lago, allegedly violates a city ordinance regarding the size of flagpoles.

Well, according to today's Palm Beach Post, the fight isn't anywhere near over:

Donald Trump's super-sized flag on its super-sized flagpole at his Mar-a-Lago Club earned him a super-sized fine from the town today.

The town's code enforcement board rang up a $250-per-day fine on each of five different violations, totaling $1,250, dating back to Jan. 6.

Bill to date and counting: $16,250.

That's still far short of the $25 million Trump is seeking in a lawsuit filed against the town in December.

Trump's attorney said 20 other violators — all named in his suit — should be before cited as well.

"The town should treat everyone the same. Bring them before the board all at once," attorney Raymond Royce said after the hearing.

He also said all violations relating to the flagpole should be consolidated in a single $250-per-day fine.

Okay, I know, it's kind of lame for schadenfreude, I know (look, if you have better nominees, put 'em in the comments), but it just makes me laugh because it's so silly. We're talking about Donald Fucking Trump, for cryin' out loud ... I'll bet he's paying his attorneys a lot more than $1,250 a day, so the idea of a guy whose name is synonymous with money trying to cut the amount of the fine is pretty ridiculous.

Plus, didja notice that the amount sought in the lawsuit has multiplied 250%? It was reported as $10 million in December, now it's $25 million? Veddy interestink ...

Basically, Trump is going to stand on principle ... and add to his already-solid (or "soiled?") tabloid reputation. Nice going, Donald -- way to win over your neighbors! And congratulations -- today's Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!

$10 million for a flag? So says Trump

The controversy over the ginormous flag flying at Teh Donald's Palm Beach estate, Mar-a-Lago, has moved into the realm of the absurd.

Donald Trump has fired back at the town of Palm Beach over a dispute revolving around his 375-square-foot American flag.

Attorneys for the Mar-a-Lago Club, which he owns, filed a complaint Thursday with Palm Beach County Circuit Court, suing the town and asking for $10 million in damages plus attorneys' fees.

Mr. Combover, fresh from his fracas with Rosie O'Donnell and sending Miss USA to rehab, claims that the constitutional protection of free speech allows him to fly his flag. As for size (which, I keep saying, isn't everything), his argument is that a flag that large is perfectly appropriate for an estate as large as Mar-a-Lago. Indeed, says Trump, the flag is the same size as the one flying over the White House.

A smaller flag would look silly at Mar-a-Lago and would fail to express Trump's and club members' patriotism, according to the complaint.

Any damages the club collects, the lawsuit states, will be donated to returning veterans from the war in Iraq.

Playing the patriotism card now ... why am I reminded of the scene in Animal House, when all the Deltas walk out of the disciplinary hearing humming "America, the Beautiful?"

Yep, just another example of the wretched excess that characterizes Palm Beach, where even a Starbucks is met with snooty disdain. Lucky we have this to distract us from what's really going on in the world ...