Wanker of the Day Hall of Fame: 2008 inductees

Live from America's Glans™, welcome to the 2008 Wanker of the Day Hall of Fame Inductions!

If you visit Atrios' Eschaton on a regular basis, you probably have become familiar with his Wanker of the Day (WOTD) award, bestowed upon the person (or entity) whom he believes best demonstrates the qualities of a true wanker: someone who manages to say or do something so completely ridiculous in support of the Bush crime syndicate or the "war" in Iraq or whatever that only the word "wanker" truly fits.

Here at Blast Off!, we have honored the best of the best with inclusion in the Wanker of the Day Hall of Fame®. Previous inductees include:

Fred Hiatt (currently with 26 WOTDs)
Glenn "Instapundit" Reynolds (23)
Joe Lieberman (22)
Joe Klein (19)
John McCain (11)
David Broder (11)

Since it has become clear that the true line of demarcation for wanking excellence worthy of Hall of Fame induction is the 10-award threshold, I, as the chairperson and CEO of the WOTD Hall of Fame (affectionately known as the "Wanker Chronicler"), have decided that anyone who attains a tenth WOTD award automatically becomes eligible for Hall of Fame induction. In addition, anyone whom Atrios designates "Wanker of the Day Emeritus" (as he did with David Broder on April 26, 2007, before Broder reached the 10-award level) is eligible as well.

Last weekend in Philadelphia at Eschacon08, I had the honor of announcing in person three new inductees into the Wanker of the Day Hall of Fame. Each has reached the 10-award threshold, and each in his own way has demonstrated extraordinary talent and desire for wanking over an extended period of time. Their continued high level of wanking, as they prop up the failing regime even as the wheels are coming off the Bush crime syndicate and the Republican Party, exemplifies their commitment to saying and doing anything to maintain the illusion that somehow, somewhere, their opinions might matter to someone.

Without further ado, then, here are the three new members of the Wanker of the Day Hall of Fame.

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JONAH GOLDBERG
Pundit nominee
2005: January 13, November 17
2006: January 31, May 27, June 10, September 26, October 19
2007: February 19, March 22, September 4
Goldberg, or "Doughy Pantload" as he appropriately is known, earned his wanking stripes by whining about his mother's involvement in the Monica Lewinsky scandal in the 1990s, and since then he has burnished his seedy reputation by pretty much whining nonstop about one thing or another. His 2008 book, Liberal Fascism, proved that if you sit an infinite number of cheese-eating surrender monkeys in front of an infinite number of computers, even they are incapable of producing something as astonishingly banal, simplistic, and misleading as Goldberg did with, presumably, just one computer.

MICHAEL O'HANLON
Pundit nominee
2007: July 30, August 25, August 31, September 6, September 13, October 2
2008: January 7, March 11, March 14, March 24
O'Hanlon, a senior fellow at the Brookings Institution, has turned heads with his meteoric rise to the WOTD Hall of Fame. Completely off the wanker radar screen (or "wankdar") as recently as July 2007, he racked up ten awards in less than nine months, securing his place as a wanker to be reckoned with. Although he has been described by some delusional whackjobs as "liberal," O'Hanlon has devoted his career to beating the drums of war (yes, I said "beating") in the face of overwhelming evidence that it is failing and that, in fact, O'Hanlon himself is an idiot. Still, he presses on, apparently hoping to reach the rarefied wanking air that only a few like Hiatt and Instawanker can breathe.

ANDREW SULLIVAN
Pundit nominee
2005: August 27
2006: March 10, March 16, July 5, July 21, July 27
2007: January 14, May 30, June 28, October 10, October 13
Unlike fellow inductee O'Hanlon, Sullivan's wanking career has been lengthy, with periodic spurts of activity; this almost becomes a lifetime wanking achievement award for Sully, as it took him over two years to achieve what O'Hanlon did in nine months. Curiously willing to support Republicans despite the fact that they oppose nearly everything Sullivan is -- gay, British, and non-fetal -- he claims to be "of no party or clique," yet demonstrably is neither. His opposition to Drunky McStagger merely focuses his wanking on his two true loves, Huggy Bear and killing brown people.

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So, congratulations to Goldberg, O'Hanlon, and Sullivan, who bring the membership of the Wanker of the Day Hall of Fame to nine. All nine are white men, which is interesting ... but there are some women waiting in the wings. Kathryn Jean "K-Lo" Lopez and Katie Couric each have four awards while Norah O'Donnell and Maureen Dowd have three each, but they remain far behind the leading vagina-possessing wanker, Michelle Malkin, who has seven WOTD awards. Will Malkin be the first female inductee? Or will someone else, O'Hanlon-like, emerge from the background to take charge?

Stay tuned, and thanks for joining us. From America's Glans™, I'm Sinfonian ... goodnight, everyone!

Gimme just one more year, 'cause I can't surge forever

If I had a Wanker of the Day award like Atrios, I'd give it to Maj. Gen. Richard Lynch today. He's the commander of the 3rd Infantry Division of the U.S. Army in Iraq, and he wants to go at least another couple of Friedman Units to nail things down over there:

"It's going to take through (this) summer, into the fall, to defeat the extremists in my battle space, and it's going to take me into next spring and summer to generate this sustained security presence," he said, referring to an Iraqi capability to hold gains made by U.S. forces.

Lynch said he had projected in March, when he arrived as part of the troop buildup, that it would take him about 15 months to accomplish his mission, which would be summer 2008.

He expressed concern at the growing pressure in Washington to decide by September whether the troop buildup is working and to plan for an early start to withdrawing all combat troops.

Okay, Dick (may I call you "Dick?" Seems fitting ...), here's the thing: the "war" has gone on for, what, five years now? If memory serves, it's now second in duration only to the Vietnam War (again, not really a war at all, but bear with me) among all American military operations since the Revolution. And you say you need another year before you can settle things down? Way to move those goalposts back another 366 days, pal.

Lynch said that Iraqi security forces are not close to being ready to take over for the American troops. So if the extra troops that were brought in this year are to be sent home in coming months, the insurgents - both Sunni and Shiite extremist groups - will regain control, he said.

"To me, it would be wrong to take ground from the enemy at a cost - I've lost 80 soldiers under my command — 56 of those since the fourth of April - it would be wrong to have fought and won that terrain, only to turn around and give it back," he said in an interview with two reporters who traveled with him by helicopter to visit troops south and west of Baghdad.

Now, see, Dick, here you're just missing the point. The point is not to waste more lives, it's to save lives, and the very best way to do that is to end the war. I might even grant you that "it would be wrong to have fought and won that terrain," but see, it's been wrong to fight for the last half-decade now. Two wrongs don't make a right, true ... but three rights make a left, and we should have left a long time ago. Get it, Dick?

Near Jurfassakhar, just west of the larger town of Iskandariyah, al-Qaida elements have recently been fighting another Sunni extremist group but could be preparing to resume attacks on U.S. and Iraqi forces.

"And that's why we've got to continue offensive operations," he said. "I worry about this talk about reducing or terminating the surge," using the military's term of deploying the five extra combat brigades to the Baghdad area, as well as extra Marines to Anbar province west of the capital.

"We've got him on the run," Lynch said, referring to the insurgents. "Some people say we've got him on the ropes. I don't believe that. But I believe we've got him on the run."

Lynch said he thinks too much focus is being placed on the military part of the solution to Iraq's problems and too little on the need to promote progress toward a functional central government.

Yep, the insurgents are on the run. Remind me of that after the next suicide bombing, won't you? Keep clapping, Dick ...

Oh, and Dick? You say there's too much focus on the military aspects of the conflict in Iraq ... but, um, isn't fighting for another year placing even more focus on military action? Dude, if you're going to be a dumbass, man, embrace it ... be consistent! We'll all respect your idiocy much more if you stick with one point of view and not muddy it up with, you know, bullshit.

What a wanker. Lynch fiddles while Baghdad burns ...

(Cross-posted at Pax Americana)

Lieberman: Wanker of the Century

Wanker of the Day Hall of Famer Joe Lieberman (I-Conn.) got another nod today, and he joins Glenn Reynolds as the only Wankers to reach 20 such awards.

And boy, did he deserve this one.

Appearing on ABC’s This Week, Sen. Joseph Lieberman (I-CT) used the foiled terror attempts in London to call for greater domestic spying here in the United States. Lieberman said, “I hope these terrorist attacks in London wake us up here in America to stop the petty partisan fighting going on about…electronic surveillance,” in apparent reference to the Senate Judiciary Committee’s subpoenas for documents related to Bush’s NSA warrantless wiretapping program.

Lieberman claimed, “We’re at a partisan gridlock over the question of whether the American government can listen into conversations or follow email trails of non-American citizens.” This is false; the NSA spying program covered the surveillance of American citizens. The “gridlock” exists over whether the administration will cooperate with Congress by explaining why it feels current law is inadequate and why President Bush decided to ignore the law in authorizing a spying program that almost led to mass resignations at the Department of Justice.

Here's something to keep you awake at night: How frightening is it that we were one Supreme Court justice's vote away from this guy being our vice president?

Then again ... maybe it's no more frightening than knowing who is our vice president.

An unforgettable experience

I know that the vast majority of you have no idea who -- or what -- I am . But I hope you will indulge me for a moment, particularly for the benefit of anyone who does know me and/or is interested in my trip, to tell you that I had an amazing time in Brazil. As I wrote this yesterday (it was about 5:30 a.m., and it was an hour ahead of U.S. Eastern time) in the Porto Alegre airport, I found myself partly ready to be home, but partly wishing to experience more of this incredible culture and lifestyle.

Yes, certainly Brazil has its problems, and in many places, crime and poverty are persistent and tragic. But for what it's worth, my introduction to this country over the last several days has been enjoyable, enlightening, and definitely worth repeating ... so who wants to join me on a South American escapade next year? ;)

I thought I'd post a few pictures before getting back to the politics and snark. Thanks for your understanding.

A view of condos and apartments overlooking Porto Alegre's "Parcão."

I attended the Rio Grande do Sul state futebol championship Saturday, along with 40,000 of my new friends. The hometown Grémio side defeated Juventude, 4-1, setting off raucous celebrations all night!

This was the center of the action at the stadium -- the home of the true torcedors (fans), who jumped and chanted and cheered non-stop. The best cheer can be translated roughly as "Suck my dick, you son of a bitch! And take it up the ass!" I saw 10-year-olds screaming that to the other team ...

Oh, yes, I was in Brazil for a wedding, after all: a Brazilian Catholic/Jewish wedding. Talk about a melting pot ...!

Finally, here's a special one, just for the Atriots.

Today's Daily Schadenfreude: John McCain

St. John McCain: from Vietnam POW to senator to person unable to put together a coherent sentence. Watch him chase his own tail rhetorically on The Daily Show last night:



And this guy wants to be president.

Well, at least you've got to give him credit, not only for willingly appearing on TDSWJS to have his ass handed to him again, but for being the most frequent guest ever on the show. That's at least as big an honor as being a member of the charter class of the Wanker of the Day Hall of Fame.

My laughing-and-pointing here isn't really for McCain doing anything stupider than usual. His candidacy itself is the joke. So, congratulations, Sen. McCain -- this Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!