A job that pays $136K and you only show up once every 44 days? Only in Florida

Pasco County Clerk of Court Jed Pittman has been in office for over 30 years now. Of course, these days he's not quite as, um, dedicated to his job as he once was. He "earns" over $136,000 a year and comes in to work, well, when he feels like it.

When we stopped in to see Pittman we were surprised he was in the office. Pittman wasn't there the past couple times we checked. An employee, whose identity we are protecting, says Pittman only works a couple of days a week, a few hours at a time.

The employee says he never stayed the whole day. According to the insider, Pittman just pops in and pops out.

Pittman, who drives a motorized vehicle and says he can't walk well because his legs are giving out as a result of the excess weight he's gained, doesn't deny it. Pittman says he just comes in and does the best job he can when he can.

According to Pittman, who makes $136,576, he only has to show up 8 days a year in order to get paid.

Pittman says he has no hours that he has to be in the office. The Clerk says he doesn't have to come in and work for 43 days. However he says on the 44th day he better be at the office. That's because if he misses 44 days in a row the circuit judge can relieve him and replace him with somebody else.

[...]

But, like the infomercials say, wait there's more. Pittman is making an additional $74,908.08 a year from the $6,242.34 retirement payment he receives each month from the Florida Retirement System. That's right, Pittman retired in January 31, 2004, but then un-retired and went back to work a day later. He will collect the retirement money for life.

He also got a lump sum of $362,687.68 from the Florida Drop fund when he retired for a day.

Our source says that's stealing.

Despite what some think, Pittman has found a loophole in the law and what he is doing is completely legal. Pittman has no problem with it and doesn't think taxpayers should either.

Guess what political party Pittman belongs to? Did you really have to ask? Let's see -- he finds loopholes in the law, he appropriates public funds for himself, he's just basically an asshole ... how could he be anything but a Republican?!

Hopefully we'll be seeing ol' Jed's name in the Florida GOP Police Blotter soon enough ...

Why Harry Potter will never teach in Florida

Hoo boy. Just when you thought it was safe to come out of your insanity-resistant cave comes news from Pasco County, north of Tampa, that explains rather clearly why Florida's legislature is crawling with batshit insane fundies. In short, it must be the batshit insane fundies who vote for them ...

Well, another Pasco County substitute teacher's job is on the line, but this time it's because of a magic trick.

The charge from the school district — Wizardry!

Substitute teacher Jim Piculas does a 30-second magic trick where a toothpick disappears then reappears.

But after performing it in front of a classroom at Rushe Middle School in Land 'O Lakes, Piculas said his job did a disappearing act of its own.

"I get a call the middle of the day from head of supervisor of substitute teachers. He says, 'Jim, we have a huge issue, you can't take any more assignments you need to come in right away,'" he said.

When Piculas went in, he learned his little magic trick cast a spell and went much farther than he'd hoped.

"I said, 'Well Pat, can you explain this to me?' 'You've been accused of wizardry,' [he said]. Wizardry?" he asked.

Tampa Bay's 10 talked to the assistant superintendent with the Pasco County School District who said it wasn't just the wizardry and that Picular had other performance issues, including "not following lesson plans" and allowing students to play on unapproved computers."

Piculas said he knew nothing about the accusations.

"That... I think was embellished after the fact to try to cover what initially what they were saying to me," he said.

Wizardry. Wizardry! Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket. What's next? The comeback of phrenology? Warnings about sailing off the edge of the earth? Leeches?

I'm not going to reopen the Batshit Crazy Bowl here, but I just don't know how anyone credibly can claim that there's a crazier, nuttier state in America than Teh Wang™. And even if you can, we'll have something to top it soon, I'm sure.

(hat tip to Eschaton commenter cahuenga)