Hey, KSK: Buc you!

As a longtime fan and season ticket holder of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, I really must object to the forecast (or "prekkake") for the 2007 Bucs as promulgated by the snarkiest sports site on the internets, Kissing Suzy Kolber (or, to us hipsters, just "KSK").

Apparently the Bucs are, in fact, the gayest team in the NFL ... yes, even gayer than a team with a Manning at quarterback:

1. The Bucs quarterback depth chart, in no particular order, looks like this: Chris Simms, Jeff Garcia, Jake Plummer, Luke McCown, and Bruce Gradkowski. At one time or another all have been called gay for reasons other than being a quarterback. To wit:

- Simms has his boyfriend's initials tattooed on his leg. Pretty gay. However, he's an exceptionally tough gay man, as he completed a game against the Panthers last year despite having his spleen destroyed and subsequently removed. So he's a tough, gay, crappy quarterback -- or, as I like to say, a tough Eli Manning.

- Garcia was famously accused of being gay by Terrell Owens after their relationship in San Francisco soured. Garcia has since married a Playmate of the Year who went to court for fighting with another woman over him, but still: what a fruit. If we can't take T.O. at his word, really, who can we trust?

- Jake Plummer chose retirement over playing for the Bucs. This happened for one of two reasons: (a) the shame of fighting Chris Simms and Jeff Garcia for a starting position was too great to bear, or (b) he was terrified of being responsible for more than just handing off the ball to whichever cog of the Running Back Industrial Complex was Mike Shanahan's flavor of the month. Anyway, Plummer married a Broncos cheerleader, so he's gay too.

- Luke McCown is a McCown.

- Gradkowski is named Bruce. Everyone knows that's one of the names the gays took, just like Lance and Julian.

2. Bucs supporters are the only fans who can look at their team's logo and say, "Well, at least the pirate ship is less gay than the last logo." As you certainly know, before adopting the pewter and red color scheme, Tampa's team color was -- and I think this is the official term -- creamsicle. With that came this logo:


That's "Bucco Bruce." He has a big feather in his hat, an exquisitely manicured mustache, a hoop earring, and I'm pretty sure he's winking me. Even the surviving Village People think he should have been a little more subtle.

I have a Bucco Bruce-style helmet in my office, signed by future Hall of Famer Derrick Brooks. I also have a Super Bowl XXXVII bobblehead of future Hall of Famer John Lynch.

Hmmm ... maybe I ought not be admitting all that here.

Anyway, the KSK prekkake is that the Bucs will go either 0-16 or 2-14. I posted an indignant comment over there on behalf of Bucs fans everywhere:

Wow. 0-16? That bad?

I love the snark, and I can't help but agree that Bucco Bruce was, well, let's just say Florida governor Charlie Crist (of St. Petersburg ... yep, Tampa Bay area) was a big fan of Bucco Bruce.

And by "big fan," I mean Crist is gay.

It's no coincidence, either, that the challenge to patdowns at Raymond James Stadium was rejected ... we do love our patdowns in Tampa.

Anyway, I've been a Bucs fan since 1977 and a season ticket holder since 1998, and I've seen the good, the bad, the ugly, and teh gay.

And I just don't see 0-16, or even 2-14. Hell, we play Atlanta twice this year, and that's gonna be two wins right there. We'll probably split with Carolina and get lucky against New Orleans once.

Or, we can just kick 62-yard field goals.

I call 9-7. See you in January.

Okay, now that I think about it, I kinda have to agree with them on Bucco Bruce.

(h/t to Wes)