Today's Daily Schadenfreude: Tom DeLay

I know I shouldn't have been shocked that disgraced former congressman Tom DeLay (R-predictably) was going to be a contestant on ABC's Dancing With The Stars. Hell, he's no star -- he ought to be in prison, actually.

But poor Tom might miss out on his moment in the sun:

This'll teach him to drink and dance less than a week before the show. Looks like Dancing With the Felons will have to provide him with another brace:

The Texas politician, who was injured during a rehearsal with pro dance partner Cheryl Burke, posted a message to Twitter Tuesday that reads, “Old age is catching up to me. May have a stress fracture in my foot. No worries, it’ll take more than that to keep me off the dance floor.”

What['s] next, "Crawling With the Stars"? "Limping With the Stars"? "Death Panels With the Stars"?

Doctors will determine if he can continue on the show, which kicks off Monday, Sept. 21 on ABC.

In an update Tuesday afternoon, the former Congressman tweeted, “No stress fracture. It’s a pre-stress fracture. I live for another day.”

If that's anything like a pre-existing condition, he's in deep doodoo. Hic!

Now, customarily, Blast Off! only points and laughs at Republicans who get themselves into political or moral trouble (step right up, Ray Sansom!), and it's unusual for this blog to go after someone because of physical infirmities. But DeLay is such a vomitous cretin that, really, it's almost an obligation to take pleasure at his misfortune in this instance.

So, Tom, as you're limping around with your "pre-stress fracture," whatever the hell that is, at least you can take solace in the fact that you're not behind bars where you belong. And you also can enjoy a little recognition for your boo-boo, because today's Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!

Minty fresh

Just got these mints from a colleague of mine at work:


Sorry the pic is so blurry. I can't focus that close up. But on the left is a box of "Indictments," featuring Libby, Rove, Snarly, and DeLay in prison garb, and on the right you have Drunky McStagger holding a bag of cash and a Bible on a box of "National Embarrassmints."

I work with some cool folks.

DeLay gets away with conspiracy

Thanks to the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals, disgraced and indicted former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Tex.) only has to face two charges, both related to money laundering, after the Court upheld the dismissal of a conspiracy charge against him.

The Texas Court of Criminal Appeals ruled 5 to 4 against reinstating a count of conspiracy to violate the election code.

The former House majority leader resigned last year amid allegations that he violated campaign finance laws to funnel $190,000 in corporate contributions to Republicans in the state's 2002 legislative elections.

A state district judge threw out the conspiracy charge in December 2005 after lawyers argued that the law DeLay was accused of violating didn't take effect until 2003. A regional appeals court upheld that decision.

So, basically, DeLay may have conspired to violate the Election Code, but it wasn't illegal until after he did it. Way to get by on a technicality, Tommy boy.

Stay tuned ... DeLay still might get that frog-marching he so richly deserves.

Today's Daily Schadenfreude: Tom DeLay

Our old friend Tom "The Bugman Criminal" is shocked, shocked, I tell you! that the FBI is investigating him!

The Justice Department’s persistence shows it has run amok, DeLay says, echoing a charge leveled last week by Rep. Rick Renzi (R-Ariz.) in response to reports that he is under federal investigation.

“They’re not going after me,” DeLay said of the FBI. “They’re going after other people and they’re questioning the other people about whether they know anything I may have done. And we’ve given them all the records and that’s the problem they’re having.”

DeLay said the evidence shows that his wife did not accept improper payments: “She did her work and she was underpaid for the work she did and they can’t make the case. It’s a Justice Department that is running amok. Fish or cut bait. Do something.”
Speaking after a meeting with former Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.) on Capitol Hill, DeLay said, “We have cooperated with everything. We’ve given them everything, including computers; they’ve taken computers that I had here. They’ve gotten everything that’s got anything to do with my life.”

Someone get this guy bigger pearls to clutch.

Tom DeLay being upset about the FBI actually, you know, doing its job is laughable. I'm sure he was stunned at all the investigations of The Hummer in the White House a few years ago, right?

Investigations of this magnitude are not pretty, Tom. Sometimes they actually have to delve into the actions and affairs of people close to the target. You know, like your wife.

A person still close to DeLay said a wealth of evidence proves Christine played an important role at ARMPAC and deserved her salary.

“There are dozens of people who will demonstrate that Christine DeLay was a central cog in DeLay’s political world and was a, if not the, key adviser of ARMPAC,” said the source. “No major decision affecting DeLay was made without Christine being the protector.”

Christine DeLay approved the content of fundraising letters, her husband’s fundraising schedule, and the hiring of new employees, the source said.

Testimony and memos showing that Christine played an active role at the PAC are likely to be an important part of the DeLays’ defense if they are charged.

The only better schadenfreude will be the day DeLay starts his sentence.

But, until then, Tom, you can enjoy this award. Congratulations, Tom DeLay -- today's Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!