Ed Heeney: "Don't vote for me!"

Talk about unhinged.

One month ago today I told you about erstwhile Florida Senate candidate Ed Heeney (R-Outer Space), whose erratic statements and behavior landed him on The Daily Show and in the headlines. In fact, Ed himself, or someone purporting to be him, actually swung by this sucky blog and left a couple of comments.

Well, he's in the news again -- this time, he's emphasizing that he's really, really not a candidate anymore.

Heeney is a social conservative who went on national television with an anti-gay agenda four years ago and was involved in a standoff with Broward County police a week after his failed 2004 state House run. He said last month that he was dropping out of the race after state Republicans backed 26-year-old Matt Caldwell of Lehigh Acres.

Heeney said his name wouldn't appear on the primary ballot, however secretary of state spokeswoman Jennifer Krell Davis said that Heeney never filled out the paperwork to withdraw.

Heeney, meanwhile, said he took necessary steps to ensure he'd be disqualified, but wouldn't reveal what those steps were because it could be "self-incriminating."

"If my name is on the ballot in the primary it's bogus because I'm disqualified," Heeney said.

Davis said she doesn't know what Heeney is talking about and that he's qualified for office until he sends a letter requesting to be withdrawn.

Okay, here's what worries me, and what ought to worry you, too: what exactly might Heeney have done to disqualify himself? I mean, it must be a doozy, because if he told you, it could be "self-incriminating." Figures a Republican can't follow the rules ...

Granted, the guy has no chance of winning the GOP primary, let alone the general election against the popular incumbent Dave Aronberg (D-Greenacres). But it's still funny to see the right-wing continue to implode, isn't it?

An historic first

I believe yesterday marked the first time that the subject of a Daily Schadenfreude post actually commented on that post.

Thanks for your input, Ed. Next time, though, put down the Wild Turkey first, okay? I have no idea what you were ranting about ...

Today's Daily Schadenfreude: Ed Heeney

Well, this is just too fucking bad.

Right-wing nutjob Ed Heeney, who is perhaps best known for his anti-gay rants on The Daily Show in 2004 (see below), was passed over for the GOP nomination in Florida's 27th Senate District, a seat currently held by Democrat (and my Facebook friend) Dave Aronberg. And poor, trod-upon Ed is calling shenanigans on the Republican Party.

"My party betrayed me," Heeney said Tuesday. "They decided to put a spoiler from the west coast on the day of the deadline."

District 27 encompasses both coasts.

"I'm not stupid enough to split a vote in a primary and then get the east coast fighting against the west coast," Heeney said.

But he said he would have been the stronger candidate against Aronberg.

"I don't have any clue what the hell (Caldwell) stuck his nose in for," Heeney said. "This kid, he's going to get flipped around like a biscuit. He won't get 42 percent. It's a waste of time."

[...]

"If I investigate and find out certain contingency of people suckered me into dropping out, I will put the flag up, and there will be some noise flying on every talk show," Heeney said. "I'm going to unload 162 poems on society on five Web pages at once simultaneously."

Aronberg was surprised that Heeney dropped out but said he already was expecting to face Caldwell in the general election.

Obviously, Heeney is pretty unhinged. Can you blame local Republicans for booting Heeney from the race? Granted, the Republican candidate, whether Heeney or Caldwell, wasn't likely to oust Aronberg, a popular, Harvard-educated incumbent who at the tender age of 37 is likely to be a force in Florida politics for years to come. But if you're the GOP in a year when you already face historic electoral losses at all levels of government (this is me playing the world's smallest violin), do you want to have as your standard-bearer in a tough race someone who says things like Heeney has?

Ed Heeney says he’s not homophobic, just "homo-nausic."

Heeney, a Republican candidate for state representative in Palm Beach County’s District 88 [in 2004], has been complaining about "militant" homosexuals and their influence in American culture. He says he’s just "sick of the bastards."

Heeney’s antics landed him an appearance on Comedy Central’s "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" on Aug. 2[, 2004].

During the segment, Heeney said he was "sick of the influx of homosexual culture," according to Matt O’Brien, producer of the "Daily Show." Heeney also complained about the proliferation of lesbian bars in Fort Lauderdale, saying it had hindered his ability to shoot pool, O’Brien said.

[...]

Heeney says lesbians are "more militant than gay men." He then referred to a bad experience he had a couple of years ago while playing pool against a lesbian team.

At the time, Heeney was a member of the Gold Coast Pool League, which organizes matches between bars and nightclubs. He was playing for Brownies Bar, which he described as "an industrial downtown redneck bar." Heeney’s team was playing against J’s bar, a local lesbian establishment.

"Being a farmer, it was an interesting culture clash to observe," Heeney said.

Things soon turned ugly, he said. Heeney claims a "semi-straight white male" on J’s team tried to burn his hand with a cigarette. Heeney then knocked the cigarette out of the man’s hand with a cue stick, he said. According to Heeney, the lesbians then "ganged up" on him.

The incident inspired Heeney to write a "17-page treatise" on lesbians making it difficult for straight men to play pool in a pool league, Heeney said.

"They’re trying to take over the pool league by intimidation," Heeney said.

Heeney says the lesbian insurgency has also left him behind the eight ball in his love life. He says it’s hard to find straight women to date in South Florida, and when he does manage to persuade a gal to go out with him, she ends up being hit on by a lesbian.

"Everywhere I go, if I have a good-looking girl with me, she ends up being hit on by a cow," Heeney said.

Epic fail, as the kids say ... I mean, what a fucking idiot. (See below for video clip.)

What is it with the nutjob homophobes and closet cases in Fort Lauderdale*? If there's a more ridiculous, creepy pair of shitbags out there than Feeney Heeney and Jim Naugle, I'd prefer not to meet them, thank you very much.

So, the GOP abandoned an obvious idiot, whose more recent deranged rants (unrelated to gay culture) you can catch on YouTube if you want to kill some brain cells. Good riddance, say I. But, hey, Ed, at least you can console yourself with one small honor, because today's Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!

UPDATE (2:21 pm 7/16/08): Heeney's Blogger profile notes that his interests include "finding a straight white girl in South Florida that wants to rock the world" and that he claims to have appeared in the feature films Wild Things, There's Something About Mary, Holy Man, and Out of Sight. Just thought I'd bring that to your attention ...

Also, I found the Daily Show clip:



UPDATE (11:22 am 8/16/08): Talk about a Freudian slip. As pointed out in Comments (including one purportedly by Heeney himself), I conflated Ed Heeney with fellow wingnut shitbag Tom Feeney. I've corrected my error, which was merely one of spelling, not of sentiment.

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* Actually, although the pool-playing incident occurred in Fort Lauderdale, Heeney lives in Boynton Beach. So do I. This presents me with a dilemma: if I ever run into the guy, do I cockpunch him or merely mock him mercilessly? Decisions, decisions ...