Michael Chertoff, environmentalist

I know I'm not the first to spot this, but when I read it in the Palm Beach Post this morning, I nearly choked on my cereal:

Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff on Monday defended the construction of a fence along the southwest border, saying it's actually better for the environment than what happens when people illegally cross the U.S.-Mexico line.

"Illegal migrants really degrade the environment. I've seen pictures of human waste, garbage, discarded bottles and other human artifact in pristine areas," Chertoff said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press. "And believe me, that is the worst thing you can do to the environment."

Are you fucking kidding me? The border fence is a good thing because it helps the environment?

Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket. Just when I thought I'd read the stupidest thing ever uttered by a member of the Bush crime syndicate, another one of those asshats comes along and tops it. Seriously, the absurdity of that statement is something even The Onion couldn't dream up. And yet, somewhere, Duncan Hunter is standing and applauding.

Cherty, you're doing a heckuva job.

Now this is news

You might want to be sitting down for this one: the federal government actually admitted they made a mistake, and they fixed it.

Earlier this month, the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (formerly the INS) announced that they were withdrawing 60,000 slots for permanent resident visas based on employment. These were slots reserved largely for highly skilled workers such as artists, scientists, and educators; indeed, I am aware of one Florida university that already was taking steps to ensure that its foreign faculty members would be able to stay in this country.

Yesterday, though, USCIS changed its mind. They're not really adding 60,000 slots, but rather delivering the slots they had promised, since the earlier withdrawal essentially was a cut from 140,000 to 80,000.

Hundreds of workers had sent bouquets to Washington as part of a peaceful protest, while the American Immigration Lawyers Association prepared a federal lawsuit to demand the government stick to its original plan of opening a two-month window to accept the green card applications.

"The public reaction to the July 2 announcement made it clear that the federal government's management of this process needs further review," said Emilio Gonzalez, director of U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, in a statement that confirmed the application slots would once again be open. "I am committed to working with Congress and the State Department to implement a more efficient system in line with public expectations."

The immigration agency said it would begin accepting employment-based green card applications immediately from eligible immigrants. This includes technology experts, artists and workers deemed to have "exceptional" skills. Applicants have until Aug. 17 to file their petitions.

You have no idea how weird it feels to write that the federal government did something right for once.