Spam spam spam spam Romney spam spam

I don't know the guy who sent this e-mail to me, so I don't know if I was spammed or just ended up on someone's contact list somehow. But the e-mail is hilarious.

Subject: Are you interested in helping Governor Romney win?
From: [redacted]
Date: December 13, 2007 7:29 PM
To: [Sinfonian]

Dear Family and Friends,

As many of you might know, I am currently working for Governor Romney’s Presidential Campaign. I can’t tell you how incredible of an opportunity this has been for me. Governor Romney is one of the most decent and moral men I’ve ever had the opportunity to serve. His vision for a stronger America is exactly what we need right now! I am proud to be working to bring about his winning the Republican presidential nomination.

As you know, Governor Romney continues to make gains throughout the country. Of course, there is still more to do. I am emailing because part of my job is to help recruit those who are interested in volunteering in an early primary or caucus state. This is the list of the states and dates I am asking about:

Iowa – January 3, 2008
New Hampshire - January 8, 2008
Michigan – January 15, 2008
South Carolina – January 19, 2008
Nevada – January 19, 2008
Florida - January 29, 2008

It is no secret that our tactic to win the nomination is an early state strategy. Turning out as large of volunteer base to help out efforts is a key part to our plan. Although we are still working through the details, I have a form I can email and then you would fill it out and submit to the campaign. Once they have the applications they will get back with you with further details.

If you are at all interested in learning more, please send me an email and I will forward the form.

Please feel free to forward this email to any family or friends who you think may also be interested in helping with early state deployment. Getting the word out there to Governor Romney’s dedicated volunteers could make the difference in winning!

If you are unable to join us in an early state, but still would like to help in some way. Please send me an email and we can discuss other opportunities.

Please have a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Sincerely,
[some guy]

In a way, I feel like I've happened upon some enemy transmission revealing plans of attack. But, of course, it's really nothing more than doing what any reasonably bright candidate would do*: focus on the early states.

Naturally, I felt the need to reply:

Dear [some guy],

Thank you for your email. I have no idea how I ended up on your blast email list, but please remove me from future mailings. Not only will I work as hard as I possibly can to ensure the election of the Democratic nominee for president, whoever he or she may be, but even if I were a Republican (in which case I would repeatedly drink myself into oblivion, but that's beside the point), I wouldn't support Romney. He was incompetent as a governor, he is dishonest and pandering as a candidate, and he feels that "service to the country" for his sons is having them work on his campaign rather than fight in a "war" that he unabashedly supports. That is the height of hypocrisy.

And don't even get me started on how Mitt cruelly tied his dog to the roof of the car until it shat itself, then hosed it off to clean it up. Mitt Romney is a shallow, insensitive jerk.

But, hey, good luck with the campaign! If you work very, very hard, you just might earn the privilege of helping Mitt be the loser in the general election next November.

- "Sinfonian," http://flprogressive.blogspot.com

Petty? Perhaps. But it's so fun to taunt Republicans!

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* Needless to say, this excludes Rudy Giuliani, who is basically sacrificing the early states and putting all his eggs in Florida's basket. Rudy is, of course, not reasonably bright. But we knew that already.