Going postal

Junk mail, or rather the attempt to limit it, has created some unlikely alliances. Obviously the Direct Marketing Association loves all those little flyers and coupon mailers, which are the organization's raison d'etre, but they're joined by -- of all people -- postmasters and environmental groups:

[Postmasters] told [Vermont state legislator Chris] Pearson and other lawmakers that "standard" mail, the post office's name for junk mail, has become the lifeblood of the U.S. Postal Service and that jobs depend on it.

[...]

"The Postal Service has come in and clobbered legislators," said Todd Paglia, executive director of ForestEthics, an environmental group that has collected 289,000 signatures on an online petition to Congress that calls for a National Do Not Mail Registry. "It's really a people-versus-special interest kind of battle."

The Postal Service is working closely with the Direct Marketing Association, the trade group that represents retailers and the printing industry, in its new campaign -- Mail Moves America -- which is designed to quash the Do Not Mail initiatives.

So far, their efforts appear effective. None of the states where Do Not Mail legislation has been introduced since 2007 has approved a law. And no similar legislation is pending in Congress.

[...]

Perhaps surprisingly, environmental groups -- whose members say they are concerned about junk mail -- are cool to the idea of a registry that prohibits marketers from sending mail to those enrolled and that fines violators.

One reason may be that most environmental groups are themselves junk mailers. They use standard mail for their solicitation letters.

So next time you get a box full of garbage, remember that the garbage is really good for the environment ... I guess.

Wingnuts heads explode

That's the sound you hear from the cognitive dissonance on the Right over the decision by the Pentagon and the U.S. Postal Service to discard or destroy mail addressed to "Any Wounded Soldier."

Since the Sept. 11 attacks and the anthrax scare, the Pentagon and the Postal Service have refused to deliver mail addressed simply to "Any Wounded Soldier" for fear terrorists or opponents of the war might send toxic substances or demoralizing messages.

Mail must be addressed to a specific member of the armed forces — a rule that pains some well-meaning Americans this Christmas season.

"Are we going to forget our soldiers because we are running in fear?" Fena D'Ottavio asked. The suburban Chicago woman was using her blog to encourage friends to send mail to unspecified soldiers until she learned of the ban, which she called a sad commentary on society.

Here's the dilemma (I was going to use the word "paradox," but it's unlikely the wingnuts have the mental acumen to know that word doesn't mean "two physicians"): if they don't send a bunch of meaningless cheerleading mail to the soldiers, the wingers will feel like they're not "supporting the troops." But on the other hand, homeland security 9/11 terrorist anthrax 9/11 scary threat brown people terrorist.

What's a nutjob rightard to do?

"A lot of this is because of security concerns because it's unsolicited mail that someone is going to have to go through," [spokesman Terry] Goodman said. "Also, being a democratic society, there could be inappropriate mail from someone who, say, doesn't support the war, and then you've got a wounded soldier getting it."

Oh, noes! How horrible if a soldier got a letter from someone who doesn't support the war! You know, that would just ruin our propaganda machine that makes them think all the killing and raping and torture they've seen is, you know, good. We're winning!! Clap harder!! We're a democratic society!! (Or we were, anyway, before the Bush crime syndicate took over.) Surely no one would express opposition to the war in a letter actually addressed to a specific soldier -- only those crazy anonymous letters would do such a mean, mean thing!! Liberals are meanies!

Look, I don't know whether preventing this mail from being delivered is a good thing or a bad thing. I do, however, find the rationale about protecting soldiers from anti-war commentary laughable at best, and appalling at worst. Do these people not realize that plenty of soldiers oppose the war? Do they honestly believe that opposition to the war and support for the troops are mutually exclusive?

Never mind. I know the answers to those questions. And the country just gets more and more insane every day.

Your federal government at "work"

Okay, I have to rant ...

As many of you readers out there in the Lefty Blogosphere, I have moved away from America's Glans™ temporarily -- for a month, in fact. So, thinking ahead, I obtained a post office box in my temporary home city and, two weeks ago, submitted a temporary change of address form, to expire on December 19, two days before I return to Teh Glans™.

Today, after two weeks away: Still. No. Mail.

So, I've been trying to call my local Glans™ post office for assistance. They never answer the phone. Ever. Neither do the two nearest branches. In fact, one of the numbers (taken directly from the USPS website) is disconnected! Now, nearly everything now routes through a central toll-free number (800-ASK-USPS) and it's damn near impossible to reach an actual human being.

Finally, I reached a very helpful woman in Customer Service somewhere (wherever they're located) and she started an investigation. She even upgraded me directly to Consumer Affairs. Now they're supposed to look into it and call me, and she assured me that even if my mail's been delivered for the last two weeks (you'd think the carrier might wonder, the mail having piled up in the box all this time), the carrier can retrieve it and they can forward it to me.

But now I'm wondering, with two weeks and change left up here, whether my mail even will get here before I leave.

Is it really this difficult? I submitted not one but two change of address forms, one to General Delivery (which I personally handed to a clerk) and one, a day later, to my P.O. box once I learned what number it would be. But somewhere along the way in the course of the massive bureaucracy that is the U.S. Postal Service, something didn't get entered into their computers correctly or whatever ... and it's not the first time this has happened with my local branch. It's enough to make even this hardened liberal think maybe privatization isn't a bad idea ...

No wonder postal employees periodically go berserk.