Led by Palin, Alaska Republicans want a do-over

Sure, it's odd for a blog in America's Wang™ to cover something in Alaska. But if you know me, you know I never miss a chance to make fun of Sarah Palin. (And it's oh, so easy to do!)

Anyway, as you probably know from various news reports, former U.S. Sen. Ted Stevens (R-Alaska), affectionately known hereabouts as The Biggest Asshole in Congress™, caught a lucky break this week when Attorney General Eric Holder declined to pursue further a federal indictment stemming from his conviction in D.C. court on seven felony counts of fraud last fall. This occurred just before the general election, in which now-Sen. Mark Begich, a Democrat, narrowly defeated Stevens.

But now Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (R-I'll Get Back To You On That) and the state's GOP are asking for a special election on the grounds that those nasty convictions made people vote for Begich, and that the felonious Hulk (right) really would have won the election, really, he would have! Honest! I mean it! Waaaaaaaahhh!!

"Alaskans deserve to have a fair election not tainted by some announcement that one of the candidates was convicted fairly of seven felonies, when in fact it wasn't a fair conviction," Palin said in a Thursday interview with the [Anchorage] Daily News.

The governor said she does not want to "split hairs" on whether Begich should resign or not but agrees with the Republican Party's call for a special election.

[...]

Begich fired back Thursday, saying that although he believed it was clear there was misconduct during the senator's trial, he stepped into the race "long before Senator Stevens' legal troubles began, because Alaskans were looking for a change and a senator as independent as Alaska.

Sarah, I see your lips moving, but as usual, I don't hear anything ...

You don't get a do-over on an election just because circumstances change later on! How stupid does one have to be to think that it would even be possible? Apparently, just as stupid as Sarah Palin. I mean, even future-Attorney General John Ashcroft didn't whine about wanting a do-over when he lost his 2000 Senate race to Mel Carnahan at a time when Carnahan happened to be deceased. Point is, you Just. Can't. Do. It.

Palin and the Alaska GOP look even more ridiculous (if that's possible) because the other two members of the state's congressional delegation, Sen. Lisa Murkowski and Rep. Don Young -- both Republicans -- recognize that there won't be another election (at least not till 2014).

"In light of the good news yesterday, I am sure many of us wish we could turn the clock back to last November," said Begich's Senate colleague, Lisa Murkowski, R-Alaska. "Unfortunately, that is not an option."

[...]

"The seated senator there, Mark Begich, will be in the Senate, he will do a good job," Young said in the Fox interview. "It's just sad that Alaskans were frankly hoodwinked into malfeasance of office work by the Justice Department itself."

And there's the cherry on top, thanks to Rep. Young: the alleged "malfeasance" was committed by the Bush Justice Department!

So, Gov. Palin, here's a nice, hot cup of shut the fuck up for you. Seriously, go shoot a moose or something ... I mean, after you're done with your little tantrum.

UPDATE (10:01 am 4/5/09): Not only is a do-over impossible legally and practically, but it's absolute folly to suggest that Stevens' legal troubles were the sole direct and proximate cause of his electoral defeat. My friend Barry in Alaska reminds us that polling before July 28, 2008, the date Stevens was indicted, showed Begich highly competitive with Stevens, and many of them had Begich in the lead by as many as nine points. Yet another reason Palin needs to STFU posthaste.

(Thanks also go out to Barry for my first laugh of the day, for the image I've stolen from him shown at right.)

GOP: a bunch of petulant babies

This week has been remarkable for many things in American political history, but one of the most remarkable, yet not altogether unsurprising, has been the level of petulance displayed by Republicans as they watch the grown-ups take over in Washington.

Seriously ... it would be funny, even cute, if it weren't so disgusting. These widdle babies crying and stamping their tiny widdle feet just can't handle the fact that Americans finally have seen through their deceit and put responsibility back into government.

The latest temper tantrum has come from Sen. John Cornyn (R-Tex.), who evidently has set aside his box turtle obsession in order to obstruct government and be a WATB. First, he spitefully put a hold on Hillary Clinton's nomination as secretary of state, and now he's doing the same to Eric Holder as attorney general (thus giving the newly-unemployed Bush crime syndicate more time to shred documents).

Fearing that the Justice Department may be working to launch a criminal probe into the Bush administration’s interrogation practices, Republicans on the Senate Judiciary Committee have delayed a vote to confirm Holder Attorney General because of statements he made during his confirmation hearing last week that waterboarding was torture.

Sen. John Cornyn, R-Texas, said he wants to ask Holder whether he intends to investigate the Bush administration and intelligence officials for torture.

Cornyn said Holder’s view that waterboarding is illegal under anti-torture laws means there is a possibility investigations may be on the horizon.

"Part of my concern, frankly, relates to some of his statements at the hearing in regard to torture and what his intentions are with regard to intelligence personnel who were operating in good faith based upon their understanding of what the law was," Cornyn said Wednesday.

That view was shared by Mukasey, who, prior to his exit from the Justice Department, told the Wall Street Journal last week that he is worried that government lawyers and others who assisted the Bush administration in crafting interrogation policies are at risk of criminal prosecution now that Holder has defined waterboarding as torture.

Well, no, John, the problem is that their "understanding of the law" (and rest assured, they knew the law -- they just didn't care) was illegal. It's really not that hard to figure out, unless you have the mental acuity of, say, a box turtle.

Actually, Sen. Cornyn is just following in the footsteps of Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, who threw his own symbolic tantrum by failing to show up at the inauguration because he had his widdle feelings hurt by then-senators Obama and Biden voting against his confirmation. Of course, Chief Justice Roberts, against whose nomination the two also voted, managed to find his way to the Capitol just fine. Alito had ducked out of a Court visit by Obama and Biden a few days earlier, so, basically, he's just being a dickhead. I guess I'm not shocked -- just dismayed.

Basically, we're seeing the Republicans' true colors shining through this week -- sure, it's all red, white, and blue when their guy is in charge. Once that changes, though, they turn nothing but yellow.