De-pundit-izing the airwaves

Gaaaahhhhhhh!!

I just looked at the Palm Beach Post's website, and what do I see staring back at me but the unholy visage of Ann Coulter!



Whatever would cause the Post to inflict such pain upon its online readers? What have we done to justify such punishment?

It's a column naming the eight pundits, or as the column describes them, "screaming spin-meisters," who should be banished from cable teevee. And I am in firm agreement with Mark Schwed on this one:

1. Ann Coulter

2. William Donohue

3. Michael Musto

4. Al Sharpton

5. Juan Williams

6. Bernie Goldberg

7. Karl Rove

8. Dennis Miller

Definitely a rogue's gallery if ever there was one. Some of the descriptions are apt as well:

1. Ann Coulter

'I'm here. I'm not queer. And I'm not going away.'

Day job: syndicated columnist

Face time: on Fox, CNN and MSNBC

Her shtick: Verbal bomb-thrower

On 9/11 widows, "I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' death so much."

To a wounded Vietnam veteran, "People like you caused us to lose that war."

About the supremacy of Christians, "Jews need to be perfected."

On the planet, "God said, 'Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It's yours.' "

Coulter, who owns a home in Palm Beach, is a verbal arsonist and it's made her rich. She knows what TV hosts want and she happily gives it to them. Even liberals such as MSNBC's Chris Matthews can't resist putting her on the air. It serves her pocketbook, but not her country, or her party.

2. William Donohue

'Hollywood is controlled by secular Jews who hate Christianity ...'

Day job: president, Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights

Face time: On Fox, CNN and MSNBC

His shtick: Hollywood is the devil

Donohue sees conspiracies against Catholics everywhere he looks: movies, music, books, TV. And he's always ready with an outlandish quote, which makes him a favorite of any journalist on a tight deadline. But he's usually wrong.

For instance, he suggested that Hollywood wanted to sabotage Mel Gibson's movie The Passion of Christ. The movie went on to become a blockbuster. Just recently, he called for a boycott of The Golden Compass because it promotes "atheism for kids." Parents ignored him, and the movie shot to No. 1 at the box office in its first week.

[...]

6. Bernie Goldberg

'Journalists ... will go after their liberal grandmother if they thought it would help their careers.'

Day job: Author, former CBS News journalist

Face time: Fox, especially The Factor and Hannity & Colmes

His shtick: Rails against liberal media bias

After putting in 28 years as an award-winning CBS News journalist, Goldberg has found a gold mine in his second career: trashing the media as liberal. But if that's true, how did Goldberg get a job? Even when presented with facts - such as, in 16 of the last 18 elections, newspapers went overwhelmingly for Republicans - Goldberg sticks to his guns.

Actually, it's Goldberg's bias that is showing, as in this quote: "I admire Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly a lot because they're stand-up guys." They also make him a frequent guest in their shows, which helps him sell lots of books. Coincidence?

7. Karl Rove

'I've got to do this for the sake of my family.'

Day job: Unemployed

Face time: Fox and PBS

His shtick: Defender of George W. Bush

The man lauded as the architect of George Bush's presidency has resigned. He's writing a book and popping up on cable news to offer his views. One little problem: Bush's Brain may have amnesia.

Whether it's about who leaked CIA agent Valerie Plame's name, or who actually pushed the Iraq war resolution, Rove is confused. Recently, on Charlie Rose's PBS show and again on Fox News Sunday, Rove claimed it was Democrats in Congress and not Bush who wanted to rush a vote on the Iraq war in 2002. "I think Karl in this instance just has his facts wrong," Ari Fleischer, White House press secretary at the time, told The Washington Post. He's being very polite. Let's hope cable executives will realize that, even on TV, facts do matter.

8. Dennis Miller

'I'm a Rudy guy. I think that Rudy, as far as terrorism goes, is just entering his peak killing years.'

Day job: Radio host

Face time: Fox's The Factor and Hannity & Colmes

His shtick: It's Miller Time!

When Miller did fake news for Saturday Night Live, he could be brilliant. Now that he does real news, Miller has turned bitter. He especially hates Nancy Pelosi, Rosie O'Donnell, John Edwards and all Democrats.

Since when does telling a few jokes qualify someone to be a political expert (or football commentator, for that matter)? Miller is still smart. But he's lost his way. Perhaps he should take a lesson from the late, great Johnny Carson: no matter which political party is in charge, there will be plenty of material to work with.

Preach it, brother!

I haven't seen a lot of Coulter lately, which is always a good thing. Perhaps her tiresome, hateful screeds have been silenced for now, and even the wingnut broadcasters are finding that she's not worth the trouble. We can only hope ...