Today's Daily Schadenfreude: Republicans

What a day. Republicans across America awoke to discover that their worst nightmare had come true: Huggy Bear had won the presidential nomination. Granted, there must be some Republicans who like the guy, or else he wouldn't have won the nomination in the first place. But who are they? Who are the big fans of Huggy?

Fundie Christianists? Nope. Their guy, Mike Huckabee, hung on as long as he could, and Huggy has done his best to align himself with that wing of the party. But they can't stand him for being too "liberal" (hardly) and for not vowing to bring the Constitution more in line with God's will, or something like that.

Social Conservatives? Not a chance. They hung their collective hats (and, presumably, landed their 737s) on Mitt Romney, but there was no there there, to coin a phrase.

Fiscal Conservatives? Maybe, but their vision of the GOP died with Barry Goldwater. The Republican Party of Reagan and the Bushes has been anything but fiscally conservative, as Reagan and Drunky McStagger each gave us historic budget deficits and spent money like Rush Limbaugh on an oxy bender in the Dominican.

Bigots and racists? They think Huggy is too weak on immigration and on compartmentalizing brown people, so no go here, either.

Warmongers? This really seems to be the only source of support for Huggy Bear, and even that support is tepid at best. He's been burnishing his creds with them for the whole campaign, turning his former opposition to Drunky's management of the war into rousing support for another century of killing the dirty, dirty Muslims who presumably occupy his every waking moment and haunt his dreams with threats of horrible things they'd do to him if, you know, they cared. These really are the 19-percenters, the poor saps who still love Drunky no matter what, the ones who, well, would give him a hug if they had a chance.

So, really, there's plenty of schadenfreude to go around.

To Rush Limbaugh, who encouraged his listeners in Ohio to cross party lines and vote for Hillary Clinton: be careful what you wish for, pal -- you've got a resurgent, energized Clinton who still will beat McCain (whom you can't stand anyway) in the general, and you've managed to get Obama focused on winning the nomination himself, which can only be good news for honing the Democratic message.

To Mike Huckabee, who finally withdrew from the race when Huggy clinched the nomination, you and your crazed Christianist supporters have to pick up the pieces and figure out how you lost control of the Republican Party in the first place. Hey, I thought you still had it, too, so don't ask me. But here's a hint: quit telling people what to do and how to act. That might be a good start.

To Ron Paul, who seems to have hung on to his House seat despite a solid challenge, maybe you and your crazed ... well, just crazed supporters can crawl back into the holes whence you came and fade back into obscurity. Please, leave government and political philosophy for the grown-ups, okay? Or, if you prefer, run a futile third-party campaign for president. That actually wouldn't suck as far as I'm concerned. Just quit telling me how your racist, archaic philosophy somehow stands for "freedom," 'cause it doesn't.

And to Republicans everywhere, you've got to get behind a guy who thinks the last seven years have been just peachy. Another Bush term of office? Figure out a way to spin that, because you're about to be hoist on your own petard.

In the meantime, congratulations, you ridiculous lunatics of the GOP -- today's Blast Off! Daily Schadenfreude is for you!