Generation gap

I come from a long line of, well, rabid wingnuts; only one cousin that I know of is even remotely "liberal" in perspective. In fact, some time ago my father, from whom I am estranged, sent me an Ann Coulter column, and I asked him not to do that anymore. I haven't heard from him since.

Normally, I don't think much about my family's perspective. I like to think I've escaped the family curse of conservatism and, yes, bigotry. But sometimes it still hits me close to home.

Tonight my mother called, as she frequently does on Sunday nights. My mother and I have grown closer over the years, since she and my father divorced after 39 years of marriage and since I have had children of my own. What can I say? -- I'm an only child, and you only children out there know what I'm talking about, I'm sure. Anyway, Mom is 75 years old and facing a third round of cancer surgery. She's tougher than anyone I know, and she's as kind as can be. Yet, times like tonight, I remember that Mom has a distinct perspective.

Mom was describing to me yet another episode in a dispute she's having regarding some property she owns; she owns half of a resort house, and the guy who owns the other half wants to buy her out. She said she would only do so if he bought a nicer place nearby, and then they would just trade the houses. So the guy talked to the owner of the nicer place and apparently offended the latter (this guy is a real piece of work, I understand).

Then Mom says, "Well, you know, his name is [clearly Jewish surname]." "What does that mean?" I asked. "Oh, you know, he's obviously trying to work the guy over." I persisted: "But what does that have to do with his name?" "Oh, [Sinfonian], I just mean, you know, he's trying to 'Jew us over,' as they say."

"Who says that, Mom?" I started to get mad. "What does his religion have to do with it? Can't he just be a jerk regardless of what his faith is?" "Oh, I didn't mean anything by it," she said, and she moved on in the conversation. I was too shocked, or maybe too sensible, to pursue the thought further.

This really troubles me. I expect to hear shit like that from my father (age 75), or from my aunt (71) or my late grandfather (who died in 2003 at the age of 97) or my 86-year-old stepfather, none of whom would have the least compunction about ascribing negative characteristics to people based solely on their race or religion or sexual orientation, usually after saying something along the lines of, "I don't mean to say Jews are stingy, but ..." But to hear it from my mother, well, I'm stunned. Even if she has always believed it, I can't remember ever hearing her say such a thing.

While visiting my mother not too terribly long ago, I remember noting how Drunky McStagger's approval ratings had dropped to 30% or so, and I said, "Please, Mom, tell me that you're not still supporting this guy!" She replied, tellingly, "I almost wish Bush had lost the [2004] election, because you just knew whoever won would have such a mess to deal with." I didn't say anything more, and I regret that now, because what I wanted to say was that it was Bush who got himself into that mess. But I didn't.

So, I'm sorry that I nearly started a fight with my mother tonight, but I'm not going to put up with backwards, bigoted, unacceptable attitudes around me anymore, at least not from those closest to me. I felt guilty about not having said something in the Bush episode a couple of years ago, and I'm glad that spurred me to say something tonight. I guess if we have to fight the media and the Republicans and all the idiots in this country who think that Jews or African-Americans or foreigners or brown people are responsible for everything bad that happens, the only way we can do it is one conversation at a time.

If you've had similar experiences, I'd be glad to hear about them in Comments.