This IKEA thing is getting out of hand

Last Friday I told you about the opening this week of Florida's first IKEA store, right here in America's Glans™.

Can we have a little perspective here, people? This shit is ludicrous:

Off-duty police officers will be called in to direct traffic, and firefighter/paramedics will be at the ready in case of pandemonium and stampedes.

[...]

The Wednesday opening of the 293,000-square-foot store at the corner of State Road 84 and 136th Avenue is expected to attract up to 25,000 people, with many lining up beginning today. A Sunrise ordinance prohibits shoppers from pitching tents, but sleeping bags and chairs will be allowed.

"With that number of people, we want to make sure people are safe and that there are no major traffic accidents," said Lt. Robert Voss, a spokesman for the Police Department. "It is almost like a cult following. People come from all over the country to shop."

Voss said about 20 off-duty officers will direct traffic and provide security Wednesday through the weekend. In addition, four off-duty Florida Highway Patrol troopers will manually control stoplights along major roads near the store.

The troopers hope to keep traffic flowing at big intersections such as Northwest 136th Avenue and Interstate 595, where backups are common during the morning and evening commutes.

No road closures are planned, but traffic around the store will be heavier than normal, especially during rush hour, Voss said.

"People should be patient," said Joseph Roth, Ikea's spokesman. "Ikea store grand openings are very well attended and very busy at times."

Goddamn. It's a fucking furniture store. Yeah, I'm looking forward to shopping there, too (I need bookshelves, frankly), but are we really expecting scenes like this?

While some Ikea openings have been calm, others have been frenzied. In 2005, five people were hospitalized after a stampede at a store in north London. In 2004, three people were crushed to death and 17 injured in a stampede in Jidda, Saudi Arabia.

For that reason, four off-duty Sunrise firefighter/paramedics will be ready to handle any emergencies.

Beware of little old ladies with IEDs and missile launchers. Fuck.

Hey, like I said Friday, there's an illegal war going on and the Bush crime syndicate is wiping their collective asses with the Constitution. But don't worry -- as Drunky McStagger might tell us, just go shopping!